About my ban

Let's clear stuff up. If you know me, you know I said some "bad" shit. I threatened basically everyone. I threatened the hub, Meshed, and basically the entire community. Even though I do not intend to go through with my threats, I do have the tools to bring the whole thing down, grind VAM 2 development to a halt and make everyone and their cat not even wanna touch this community. But that is the problem with "mass destruction", I'll be hurting a lot of people who are innocent and I really don't want to do this. Creators, users and their grandmas will suffer from stupid shit that doesn't need to be. I say it again, I said some stupid shit when I could have just walked away but walking away is not a thing I do. The stupid shit was only said after a certain point and I'll explain in a minute what drove me to this. I advise Meshed to not make public that specific message where I roughly outlined how the entire community can be obliterated.  There might be crazier than me assholes out here waiting to pounce. In short I told them I'll destroy everything and explained how.

How did it come to this? In the past there was some fucking around, some trolling, and general fuckery that most of you know and some even like when it comes to my brand. It was never really malicious or intended to harm anyone in any real way.

The other issue is that I do not have any respect for mods and never liked them...some of them anyway. There is one mod I love and he knows who he is. Always been nice to me and even if he was part of this decision I still respect the dude.

There was another issue with a private rant to Meshed of how VAMX sucks donkey balls. Remember the VAMX steam disaster. I'll show you comments of people seeing VAMX on youtube calling it cringe and 2001 stuff and then seeing my stuff, being blown away and asking why they don't hire me. I don't hate VAMX but he is a coder. Coders make shit artists. I just fail to understand the numbers...but I guess that is what is important for the leadership. Numbers.

I came with this idea to Meshed a year before. Meshed told me to go fuck myself in a nice Meshed way of course, but he did tell me to go fuck myself.  You can understand my frustration. I could only imagine what a version of VAM would look like with a decent coder at my side(Vamx the man included) and a year of preparation. I would of probably dragged other creators into it and just make an epic thing. It would of been a top purchase on Steam. This made me angry. This was a fail.

Now let's get back to what happened this time. It's always the fucking asians...

While I do love asian people and culture (I am a weeb at heart) they do this shit were they come at you with a message in their language. Not even an attempt to use some sort of translator. For me I have to first identify what language it is and then translate it. This stuff always happens on my patreon and for some reason there is always that one asian dude/dudette.

My answer to his chinese writing post was "Bruh...". Nothing more nothing less. I got called out by some random guy and I explained how it's fucking rude to come to a place where everyone struggles to speak in english. Even shitty ass english is better than a translator.

AshAuryn, she felt the need to call me out and explain how this is a multicultural community and all that jazz. It indeed is but when everyone struggles to keep it in english asian people should do the same.

AshAuryin then thought it through and realized what she did is bullshit and while she was writing her message to go back on it, I was writing a message in my language that doesn't sound very aggressive ( it sounds like a rant) but when translated it sounds like shit. Then I proceeded to delete the voxta thread as it was becoming a PC culture battle ground.

Now Ash started to demand an apology. She sent me two messages in my language using google translate furthering my point. I give you my word as a man that I could not tell at first if she wanted an apology from me or apologizing to me. I realized then that she was asking for an apology.

She was really pushing on that apology. I said I am sorry it has went this far. She thanked me for the apology but I made it clear I wasn't apologizing to her. I was sorry in general that it has come to this. This sent her into a spin and talked to me in a way that also sent me over the edge.

Nevermind this was happening in front of all the mods as they were all participating in the message area. She was most likely pushed by the other mods and being a rookie she wanted to  prove herself.

After a hard back and forth I realized this is helping no one and it's just stupid shit. So I apologized. I meant it but it seems she wanted groveling and not an apology.

She accused me that I only did it after meshed joined. At the time of the apology I didn't even see meshed in there. It already became personal for her.

The moment when I really lost my shit was after the apology and after I was made aware meshed is in the "chat".

Also  in a petty move she started combing through my content looking for NC dependencies, basically she tried to go on a witch hunt. For most of the stuff I have permission and the other ones are just "ghost" dependencies. As creators you all know the sexual transmited desease that dependencies are.

Just seeing this dude (meshed) there not saying anything while this mod was fucking me up the ass, drove me insane.

I said horrible shit. I detailed (and there are even more details about how I would do it) how I would go about burning the place down and how I have a contingency plan to fuck shit up. And don't get me wrong...I do have one.

I've always said VAM is an amazing piece of software and the hub integration is a work of art. That being said please download vanilla VAm and play with it without the hub. It's 2001 graphics cringe. This huge ass community was built on our backs, our creations and genius. Hundreds of creators putting thousands of hours into making content. I am not taking anything from meshed as I stated that this would not be possible without him.

I was accused I was profiting of this. I'm not selling anything. I do not have a product. I just have a patreon. If people want to support me that's fine. I do like money even if money hates me and tries to get away from me as fast as possible.

So yeah meshed, those hundreds of thousands of new users you were boasting about are because of us...your creators.

Now you guys  get a picture why I went to war seeing meshed just sit there  and not intervene while Ash was shitting on me.

As you might imagine all hell broke loose, I said some shit, they said some shit and we are all here.

VAM Team : If you are going to make this shit public make sure you make public the part where I also tried to defuse it,  the way Ash was speaking to me, the part where I apologized and how you didn't feel it was genuine.

I don't know about that 99 percent agreement with my ban rate.

We maybe werdos, creepos and scum in here but we are still men.  Men have fucked shit up for far less.

And here is a fact. I'd do it all over again in the same situation because it's who I am. I'd probably do it even worse.

Just a small edit : Meshed excused himself saying he was added in the middle of the night and he was sleeping. That is how he did not step in and how by the time he woke up it had all gone down. Let me ask you this meshed : How do you know it wasn't a hit if you were sleeping, woke up, chose violence and banned me in the following 5 minutes ? Fishy.

That being said I will put an end to this but remember creators...Like Dj once said to my face "You do not matter"