Step 1. Buy a new Washing Machine. [Just bought one, the last one was broken by my phat house elf.]
Step 2. Put in a heavy load at max spin. And sit on it.
Step 3. Get hot and bothered.
Step 4. Indulge in thorough cleaning of bad thoughts.
Step 5. ..... Grow? [Keep getting phat and not fit anymore in any clothes.]
Step 6. Break Washing Machine.
Step 7. Another excuse for shopping for new clothes and a washing machine.
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Grumble. Grumble. Phat ass stoopid elf, why're you walking around naked in my house?