Detractor's Commentary: Avia Vampire Hunter

Reminds me of that line from Futurama, when for some bizarre reason they have to improvise an episode of Ally McBeal: "It took me an hour to write - I thought it would take an hour to read!"

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This kind of film (I include it with stuff like Suburban Sasquatch) I classify as "As long as I want to do it, I don't have to do a good job" movies. It's stuff made by people who have been continually and copiously entertained since the womb and think that making art is as simple as watching it. They may want to write a script but can't be bothered with second drafts or workshopping it. They like makeup and effects but get bored after doing two vampires. They have a good idea but won't listen to why some of it needs to be changed or redone. They just slap down their first and only effort and go "I am Artist! Give me recognition!"

When I watch UK police dramas and shows, it astounds me how many people, cops or civilians, just walk into people's houses uninvited! Sometimes they knock but they don't wait for an answer, just stroll on in. How do you know that the owners aren't doing something private, people? And in America they'd have been gunned down within days for doing that, armed or not!

My favorite was Kill Bill, where The Bride has her sword beside her on the plane. I mean, it was first class but still: I still have to take my shoes off and can't get a plastic knife past security!

This reminds me of a movie made around here back in 1995 called SAVAGE HARVEST, that movie and the director both got a big write up in FANGORIA. A another movie worthy of DC Review. I've seen this movie on AMAZON US streaming. AVIA is bad not because of its budget, but because they didn't know what they were doing. When DIARY OF DEAD came out they a bonus of low budget short zombie movies and they were all good. They should have made a short film like they did to get backing for EVIL DEAD. PS in many American homes Avia would have gotten shot for busting in with a sword.

It's amazing that even though digital video can turn anyone into a "film maker" nowadays, there is still such a lack of good storytelling.

"Vampires leave regular trails like badgers" made me spit tea all over my room. That's a whole film plot!:)

Maybe I'm being mean, but I would guess Avia was either a cheerleader or in the marching band at school and that is where she learned to do that twirling. As for carrying round a sword, I remember watching a thing about a Japanese woman who was trained to high level with a sword, by her father, and she would carry a fully sharpened katana with her to her day job, in an office, on the Tokyo metro in an art tube.

Why does she look like she's fighting something about 12 feet tall? Why is there no resistance when she slashes someone? Why are the fight scenes so awful?

"Color bad-timing." Why is this the one genre everyone thinks they can master? Maybe there are amateur mysteries and musicals and coming of age dramas, but the pit of badly executed, ill conceived, micro budget horror movies seems to be bottomless.

Joseph Dougherty