Jim Sterling's Full Kingdom Hearts Plot Summary
Added 2019-02-06 18:39:42 +0000 UTCThis was highly requested, for some awful reason. On a recent Jimquisition, we put in a skit where I provide a Kingdom Hearts "primer." I only recorded some key details to be edited down to skit level, but even that took 26 minutes.
Comedy Kingdom Heart plot summaries are nothing new, but people were interested in the full 26 minute recording. I've gone one better than that, deciding instead to read the entire plot summary as found at landofodd.net. The whole thing comes in at just under an hour, and features me gradually falling apart as I simply relay information.
This is all your fault. Enjoy!
Comments
do i care about kingdom hearts? not at all. do i have time for this malarkey? certainly not. am i going to listen to the entire hour and beat sad meats at jim's sultry slip into madnes. you bet your sweet aunt bippy i am!
zosa
2019-02-15 20:43:35 +0000 UTCYou made it to 36 minutes? I was completely lost after about 9 minutes.
Ben L.
2019-02-09 02:33:34 +0000 UTCMy mind melted at the 36 minute mark. How the fuck can anybody make any sense out of that.
2019-02-09 01:33:45 +0000 UTCNow this is what makes Patreon worthwhile.
Maur Razimtheth
2019-02-08 04:37:08 +0000 UTCThis is incredible. When he starts to lose it around "Dream Drop Distance" I was in tears.
2019-02-08 02:21:09 +0000 UTC30 minutes later and this just sounds like the video game version of a soap opera
2019-02-08 01:48:44 +0000 UTCI’m only 6 minutes in and I’m already lost... Good lord...
2019-02-08 01:20:18 +0000 UTCThis was beautiful. Thank you for this Jim.
Perpetual Noob
2019-02-07 23:19:50 +0000 UTCThis is how Jim becomes a heartless... or a no-body. I really can't keep track.
2019-02-07 18:22:01 +0000 UTCQuestion: Doesn't Yensid count as the first time Disney is mentioned by name? Statement: The only Kingdom Hearts games that matter are the ones that Hikaru Utada has recorded an original song for. Speculation: In the Kingdom Hearts 3 spin-off sequel, Kingdom Hearts 3.14: The Undulating Blades ~Revival of Chi~, the ghost of Walt Disney takes control of Yensid and convinces Mickey and Sora that the true nature of the keyblades are vibrating dildos. Some Final Fantasy characters return to stop Sora and Mickey from pegging everyone. It is a visual novel/action adventure.
James Hull
2019-02-07 17:36:09 +0000 UTCAnd to think when I was younger I thought Soul Reaver games' plot was complicated. X_X
St.Balderdash
2019-02-07 17:14:26 +0000 UTCIT'S 55 MINUTES LONG JIM. JIM. DEAR GOD.
Freakish Uproar
2019-02-07 16:05:38 +0000 UTCOr manwithbreasts?
markbart
2019-02-07 12:53:50 +0000 UTCOne of the most impressive feats ever attempted by man or beast. Or manbeast.
Thom
2019-02-07 10:09:33 +0000 UTCI enjoy hearing your suffering
Samson
2019-02-07 09:45:01 +0000 UTCTake solace in knowing your hour-long descent into madness is more amusing to us than it probably was to you. You did miss a few important bits, though. May I suggest finding another guide and trying again?
Anthony Blanker
2019-02-07 03:18:17 +0000 UTCThank you Jim. I really loved this.
Dane
2019-02-07 02:43:37 +0000 UTCSo... I've been having a lousy day. There was work nonsense, lawyers and lawsuits, stress and just OMG WTF is all this garbage I had to deal with... Listening to you go apoplectic over the weird writing of the Kingdom Hearts games really helped me chill out. Thank you Jim, and Thank God for Jim.
Iochannon
2019-02-07 01:42:54 +0000 UTCDo you want him to just quit everything forever? Cause that's what will happen!
Neill Halpin
2019-02-07 01:12:37 +0000 UTCIt was so beautiful. Thank you Jim.
2019-02-06 22:55:09 +0000 UTCOh KH, you beautiful disaster. Your news post earlier today explains a lot.
shadowscribble
2019-02-06 21:36:00 +0000 UTCI am SO SORRY we made you go through this....
Vikki and Paul
2019-02-06 21:00:06 +0000 UTCI wanted this but never demanded it because I do not want Jim to already delve into levels of insanity that were not thought possible but Jim you are truly an insane son of a bitch. That's why we love you.
noxamillion
2019-02-06 20:21:53 +0000 UTC45:00 is the best part.
Prince Unsmoothtoes
2019-02-06 20:16:11 +0000 UTCI’m one of the people who listens to “Movie Boys” without watching the movies and even I am having a hard time keeping this together 3 minutes in. I’m here for the long haul though.
2019-02-06 19:54:54 +0000 UTCWhelp. Now I have to find something to get me through the next hour. Cheers though! That was funny. =)
Freya Northman
2019-02-06 19:48:39 +0000 UTCThis has helped me understand the story greatly. I also hate it more than ever.
Sean Lennon
2019-02-06 19:38:45 +0000 UTCI was hoping this was going to be a thing. P A T R E O N C O N T E N T
The Irony Giant
2019-02-06 19:34:44 +0000 UTCJim, i think you'll have to admit that your sanity is a small price to pay for our amusement. Plot summary for all the FFXIII games next?
2019-02-06 19:29:35 +0000 UTCSo .. will this be on the test?
Peter Paizs
2019-02-06 19:24:29 +0000 UTCI just want to say "I love you Jim 'Motherfucking' Sterling-san."
Prince Unsmoothtoes
2019-02-06 19:22:13 +0000 UTCThanks so much, I was wanting to get KH3 but I last played 2 when that came out and I was hopelessly lost. It's good to hear someone narrate it. Even if its still nonsensical.
2019-02-06 18:59:11 +0000 UTCYesss! I'm so excited for this! Have you seen Polygon's version, where Brian David Gilbert tries to explain the plot?
Rachel Sandler
2019-02-06 18:54:21 +0000 UTCThis is going to get me through the next hour of editing. Cheers Jim.
Freya Northman
2019-02-06 18:53:05 +0000 UTCYES
Gabriel Martin
2019-02-06 18:48:23 +0000 UTCI love it when you suffer for us, Jim. My girlfriend wanted to hear your whole summary so this is great :P
PhoenixIgnis
2019-02-06 18:44:17 +0000 UTC
