X-Ing Over 3 - Indecision

Lara was invited back to the man's home. He commented that a girl should not have to live on her own, or provide for herself or do anything, really. That concept in itself was disgusting to her, but on top of that she knew what that entailed. In such an environment she would have undoubtedly been expected to perform for him for the duration of her stay and not doing anything likely just meant not doing anything that a man like him thinks about like cooking or cleaning. Given her odd episodes, she was not even sure if she could refuse. But she did.

She was surprised to be granted a small room on short notice with acceptable amenities. One room, one bath, closet, dresser, TV and internet. If she was actually a spoiled rich kid it would seem spartan, but Lara found it to be more than enough. It was strange, because if the odd town truly wanted to funnel women into doing illicit activities they could restrict living, restrict everything that a girl needed and force them to rely on a man. That was what she would have expected. Instead, everything that she truly needed was provided for her to live a safe and independent life. All that she really needed Cash for was to escape and to have 'nice' things.

The moment she got in after being assigned the room she tested the bed. It was adequate. She turned on the TV. It worked, but there was just one working channel. The rest were behind a paywall. The channel seemed to be a simple lifestyle network that featured plenty of cooking and home decorating. Nothing too interesting to her. There was internet, but there had to be a catch somewhere and she found it in the fact that her own phone did not mesh with the WiFi and there was no computer to access it. When she went down to complain, beyond her expectations she was given a stock, standard phone. The woman working the desk said that there would already be a few podcasts loaded onto it. She cringed to think what they could be.

Returning to her room she tried to access the net in the building and found that all she had was a homepage with news and events. Trying to search or navigate outside to familiar sites only lead her to blank pages. Apparently gangs were a big deal.
“Go figure...” She would not be able to entertain herself that way. It was already late when she finally got back to her room so there was not exactly anywhere she could go. To her surprise, as she got in there was an actual show on the one channel. It looked like an old sitcom. With nothing else to do she became engrossed in it for a few minutes. There was nothing about it that was interesting, but that in itself felt interesting enough. It was a standard formula, just without any of the entertaining hooks. There was a very vapid woman that always seemed happy to perform all the household chores. Cleaning, cooking, taking care of the children. There were three children of differing ages, all boys. Finally, there was of course a man of the house that never seemed to do anything but that everyone revered for his non-existent wit and charm; especially the woman.

There was no conflict and barely a story. It was just day after day of normal, boring life each episode with everyone doing the same thing, to the point that she wondered if she was just watching the same episode on repeat. But no, there were slight differences each time. It was all abridged into 22 minute episodes and fed to Lara who watched at least four. She lost track of time watching the TV show and the episodes blended together so it could have been more, she just would not know. It was something she almost never did, being an active woman who would have much rather gone out to the gym or on a walk. Near the end, as she resolved to turn off the TV she could've sworn that the character on the screen had shifted subtly to look like her and the man to look like Sal, though when she turned it back on it was 'normal.' She shrugged and turned it off again, laying back in bed to stare at her phone with the pre-loaded podcasts on it. She did not want to go out for a walk, since she could not leave and had no idea the pitfalls a gym in this city would have. She was still wound up from the day she had and did not think she could sleep. She thought that she would have to settle for being bored by whatever she could.

The podcast in question was called 'Woman Problems.' A rather strange name. Somewhere between being accurate and far too self aware. She inserted the earbuds that came with the phone and pressed the play button, setting the phone down on her stomach as she lay back in her bed.  Jarringly, there was no intro and a woman with a smooth voice just jumped straight into the topic for the episode.

“We need to cultivate our indecision, Ladies. Cultivate our indecision.”

“What does that mean?” Lara mumbled to herself.

“It means training yourself to be incapable of making decisions.” Lara blinked as the woman seemingly answered her question, but it could have simply been a coincidence. With the way the city had worked so far, she was not completely sure. She was no stranger to the supernatural.

“That's just giving up agency.”

“Now a lot of ladies I talk to think that this means giving up agency. That's not right. Not right at all. You give up some, for sure, but what does complete agency mean? Does anyone want that? Being decisive is not a good trait for a woman to have.”

Lara scoffed. “But the man needs to be decisive, right? It's not bad when it's a man? All this things work the same way.”

“Men can be decisive-”

“Knew it.”

“But that's because men aren't smart. Women are smart.” The podcaster stated proudly. Lara perked up. She did not expect to hear that. It was enough to capture her intrigue.

“That's right ladies. Men are a hammer. All you girls listening at home, tell yourselves you are smart right now.”

“I am smart.” Lara smirked.

“Again.”

“I am smart.”

“We are smart. We have so many ideas and thoughts floating around in our head. Girls... We are so smart and intelligent and perfect, aren't we? Tell yourself you agree. Tell yourself you are perfect and intelligent and smart.”

Lara smiled. “I am perfect...” It played into her ego.
“Intelligent. Smart. She's speaking my language, now.”

“So...” The woman continued.

“Isn't it natural that we'd have too many thoughts floating around our perfect little heads? Even if you don't believe everything I've said in previous episodes, ladies, can we at least admit, because we are so perfect, that we just have too many thoughts floating around are heads?” Lara nodded idly. She offered a little shrug where she lay. She was feeling very relaxed. The woman's voice was soft and easy to listen to and for brief flickers it almost sounded like her own. With the earbuds in, for those few seconds it could almost be mistaken for her own monologue.
“Say it.”

“I have too many thoughts floating around my perfect brain...” Lara admitted.

“Are we right 100% of the time, ladies?” The voice asked.

“No...”

“It's not perfect to think you're perfect... Nailing down the multitude of thoughts we have is so hard for our brains to do... That's what the hammer is for.”

“What happened to perfect brains? Perfect beings?” Lara scoffed.
“She's contrad-”

“It's okay to be wrong, ladies. You agreed to everything I said so far, didn't you?”

“Yeah?”

“Go back and listen if you-” Lara dragged the little button back in the bar.
“Let's face it, girls. We're so dumb...” Lara felt it to be wrong, but she also vaguely remembered the line as though it was deja vu. She remembered agreeing, as well. She could hear her voice so clearly in her mind. Agreeing explicitly.
“Men are such perfect, intelligent beings.” She felt a numbness in her mind as she began to remember that too. She was unsure of reality as the podcast continued after she remembered agreeing to that, too.

“It's so hard to solve the problem of indecisiveness as a woman. Our inherent inability to make decisions. It's because we weren't made for it... We have so many useless thoughts floating around our little heads, girls.”

“You... You said it was about cultivating it?” Lara questioned. She looked back at the title and description and the first lines. Instead of cultivating indecisiveness it was about managing the problem of indecisiveness and the conclusion seemed to be that it was impossible.

“It's so easy to be WRONG, girls. So, so easy. You should feel indecisive. Uncertain.” Lara reached up to pull the earbuds out but before that could happen the voice continued.
“That's scary, and you probably want to turn this podcast off and go to bed or go for a walk or something.” her hands stopped with her fingers over the white, vibrating buds.
“So many useless thoughts or ideas, just like I said. There's only one that is always one-hundred percent correct.”

“What?”

“Sit up.” Lara sat up.

“Look at your phone.” She looked at it.
“Press on the contacts button, then find the only one that matters. Your man's.” Lara doubted he was in it. She did not exchange numbers with him. She did not want to. Against all odds, however, his name was in her contacts as the only one. Her left lid twitched as she stared at bright screen with his name at the center of it. A green call button beside it.
“Press it.” Lara thought that she should just turn off the podcast and the phone all together.
“That's one thought... But is it the right one? I should just ask.” The voice changed part of the way through to fully sound like her inner monologue, but she did not notice. She was far too distracted.
“There's so many things I could do right now, I should explain it all and ask Sal...” The podcast was indistinguishable from her innermost thoughts to the point that she was tricked into pressing the call button.

“Lara, sweetie! What do I owe the pleasure?”

Lara gulped and began uncertainly. “I uh... I was listening to something but then I wanted to turn it off and maybe go for a walk, or go to the gym or just try to sleep or something. I wasn't sure so I thought-” She stopped herself, feeling disgusted. She had no idea what she was doing asking him but before she could do anything his voice cut through all of her uncertainty somehow.

“You should finish what your listening to and take a walk. Walk down my way and once you're over at my place I'll figure out what we should do from there. It's a good thing you asked.” It was faintly comforting to hear such a concise plan. It truly was a hammer that nailed down any wayward thought of how she was going to carry on. She did not feel compelled to follow his plan, but the fact that it was presented was enough to draw her to it. She paused.

“Uhm...”

“Hang up the phone now, sweetie.” He was not asking. Lara quickly pressed the red call button and exhaled deeply once she was off the line. The podcast continued. She could have turned it off, but it had gotten someone normal since it came back on after the call. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if it had ever not been the odd, basic gossip and life advice show she was listening to in the second half. With nothing else to do she thought that she would go for a walk after it was over and swing by where she knew Sal lived. The last odd thing she heard could have been a coincidence. As the thought of what she was going to do crossed her mind the woman on the other end happened to say:

“Good Girl.”

Lara got up to go on that walk she had promised herself. “I feel kind of... Scatterbrained.” She giggled uncharacteristically.
“But that's natural for a girl like me, I guess!” She blinked, her smiled fading.
“I mean, what?”