life update & drama

The past weeks have been absolutely hell... Every single time when I thought it couldn't become worse it did. I was gonna wait with any decisions till after my heart test in about a week, since it's a scary thing with unknown results (either way will be bad, no diagnosis and a diagnosis...) But life just keeps throwing curve balls at me. I could list a whole list of things that have happened lately including me breaking a tooth, loosing all my VODs on twitch. But right now I’m just to tired to do so.

I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE A WEEK OF FROM ANY CONTENT CREATION. I need time to reset myself and focus on the future. This is really hard for me to say, since especially streaming has made me feel the most joy I have had in the past years. But if I burnout and can no longer move from my bed due to everything being overwhelming and my health declining further, it will be way worse then taking a week off.

I wanted to thank everyone for there amazing support lately, here, on twitch, on discord, on throne, on kofi, everywhere! I can not grasp the amount of   positivity  you all try to send me in my "cursed life" right now, and that means everything to me.

Concerning the big dramas of the past week (EA/paywalls, Moon Sparkles) I honestly have been trying as much as possible to keep a distance from it since my health is so bad, I absolutely don't have the concentration or brain capacity to take part in any of the discussions + I don't want to. I wasn't there for a big part of the drama in the Moon Sparkles stream team and it absolutely hurts me to find out more and more. I have to say I no-longer want to be associated with those who had such behaviour.
            My main motto in life is "live and let live, without bringing great harm to others", this also includes pressuring people into doing things they don't want to do/be. I grew up with people demanding a lot of me, including knowing what life I would be living in the future at a young age already. I was brave enough to say no and chose my own path but it didn’t come without consequences. Yet I wish everyone has such an opportunity when needed, but I know not everyone is that lucky. Life could be so simple if we share happiness, wealth, land and experience without being selfish. Instead the world is filled with people who have bad motives, or think everything evolves around them. I have so much happening in real life, bad health, stress, but also racism and discrimination on a daily basis at my job. Everything is draining the last bit of energy and happiness I have left in my life and it has to stop.

I will definitely see you all on the other end, as I said: content creation is the only thing that has truly brought smiles on my face every single day that I am able to do it. My heart-test is on the 17th of August, see you after.