Double Trouble, pt. 4

Links to the images:

Pair: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1jKBZa6DJX2P4LNBC-W5US5YPHPxOqgNu

Jess Solo: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1bOTT-mgIb3CAlnrNbu5P6vWsh7kWphgA

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DOUBLE TROUBLE

I remember the feeling of dread as they showed up, uncertain of how to address or react to her. They were passing through on their way back to LA from yet another almost fruitless modeling tour.

They were both happy to see me, even though I’d never met Anoush before. Jess was warm and bubbly as ever, if just a bit distant in order to not address the past. I helped them in with their bags and we talked for a long, long while about nothing. Jess fixed herself a drink to break the tension, and she insisted I drink one, too. So I did.

I was disappointed with myself or still finding her so adorable and irresistible, and though I wanted to feel a range of more frustrated and darker emotions, I couldn’t help but once again fall for her charms. I told them both I wasn’t in the mood to shoot them, but said I would if they wanted. They didn’t want to push but were feeling the need to try something, to do something. So we did.

We shot in the living room, on the sofa, moved some lights around. Finally, elegant and soft spoken Anoush suggested we shoot in the bathroom, commenting on how much she liked those similar images she’d seen on my Instagram page. Well, you can imagine that if I wasn’t in the mood to shoot, I definitely wasn’t in the mood to shoot something I’d done before. But still, I felt accommodating and didn’t have the patience or strength to argue, especially with someone I’d just met who couldn’t have been sweeter or nicer.

As expected, Jess couldn’t help herself and wanted to be up in the mix, so I shot the two of them together then Jess alone as she insisted. Both were easily satisfied with the images I cranked out with little effort or passion, and I didn’t know whether to feel good about my talent or disappointed in their taste. Finally I called it quits and announced we were done, and they seemed fine with that. We spent the rest of the evening with them sitting on my couch, making more small talk while Jess continued to drink, never addressing the elephant in the room.

All these months later, I look back on that emotional pain, or the perceived struggle of it all, and marvel at how something that felt so consuming for those few weeks could now not even be a blip on my radar. Now that I understand what true, real, mature and complicated love is, why was I wasting my time with such naive perceptions of it all. Perhaps because that’s all I had ever been given.

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Here are those links again:

Pair: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1jKBZa6DJX2P4LNBC-W5US5YPHPxOqgNu

Jess Solo: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1bOTT-mgIb3CAlnrNbu5P6vWsh7kWphgA