WANT vs. NEED, pt. 3

Here’s the link to the images: 

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B7MlCEoEDaftc240WU82R082b2c

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WANT vs. NEED

I’ve known a lot of troubled models over the years. I’ve dealt with liars, thieves, drug addicts, disorders, family issues, and so much more. But my first encounter with all of these personality traits, with a mixture of them all at once, was Stephanie.

This series is from 2008, I believe. I hadn’t seen Stephanie in a while, so when she showed up on my doorstep that day, a year or so after she’d been lost in a drug-dueled haze, I was both glad to see she was still alive yet sad to see how unhealthy her face looked. When we had met in late 2006, she was a vibrant, healthy, busty, fit, and goofy blonde who had the kind of body that any woman would kill for. But she was clearly damaged.

She wanted to appear sexy and nude, yet then suddenly didn’t want to be, then would want to again. She’d point to her bones jutting out of her skin and claim it was fat that she needed to lose. At the time I didn’t know the full extent of her eating disorders or drug use, but both were highly developed and leading her down a dark path. A month or two into shooting, she showed up at my family’s small restaurant strung out and lethargic, so I immediately left work early and took her to the hospital, sitting up with her until 3am when they let her go. I ended up taking her to my house and putting her in my bed, where she recovered for a day while I slept on the sofa. She had been living with her grandparents but they couldn’t take her drama anymore, and when she was finally awake and had regained her faculties, she contacted them and they once again took her in, relieving me of my self-appointed duties.

So I hadn’t seen her since then. Now she showed up with jet-back dyed hair and an even crazier look in her eyes. We talked for a while and she finally asked if we could do a small shoot in order to make her feel good about herself. With no ideas, and not being confident enough to say no, I set up my lights in my small bedroom and had her try on a few things before convincing her to just be nude.

Somehow, these were some of the most honest and real images we ever shot. They aren’t remarkable for their style or intent, but they definitely appear striking on their own level.

She disappeared after this, and I only saw her one more time a few months later when she was asking for money on my doorstep. I had to turn her away, and didn’t from her until 2016. I had given her up for dead, unable to find her anywhere online during all that time. But she finally contacted me on Facebook in the spring and asked if we could meet up. She showed up at my new place looking healthier but not all-together clear-headed. She was now drug-free, but the amount of time she had spent using had effected her brain and she clearly wasn’t who she was when we met. Still, she thanked me for the past, saying she felt bad for never really thanked me enough for the things I had done for her. She tried to sell her life in the most positive light possible, and I refrained from voicing my honest opinion, wishing her well and hoping her clean life would continue.

So many people think that model photography is just one daily party to the next. In reality, at least the way I work, I care deeply about the women I work with and only wish the best for them. But Stephanie taught me early on in my photography career that you can’t get too close to the fire. It’s too easy to get burned.

Do you like these stories from my early days of shooting? Please send me your feedback, positive or negative, and feel free to leave comments in the box below or in my DMs! And thank you as always for your continued support!!

Here’s that link again: 

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B7MlCEoEDaftc240WU82R082b2c

   uJ