)O( Unbridled Clarity )O(

It is difficult to articulate the shifts I have been experiencing by the power of simple peace and safety.  I used to scream to heaven, "I CANNOT HEAL FROM PTSD IF I AM BEING CONSTANTLY RETRAUMATIZED!"  Now,I have been safe and thriving for just over a year.  It is amazing to look back at my former self and realize that I was doing more than the best I could.  I was absolutely smashing the odds and flying in the face of impossible tasks on a regular basis.  
One of the biggest revelations has been how I used martyrdom as a method of coping with being in constant danger.  Several of my past relationships were built on an energy of me being the person who gives, and the other being the person who receives.  At the time, I justified it by gesturing vaguely at the hellscape we were mutually surviving.  If I am better able to handle it, then why shouldn't I bear more than my own share?  Isn't it noble to soundlessly process damage on behalf of the less fortunate?  The answer, my loves, is fucking "NO".  
Now that I have spent hundreds of concurrent days in blissful autonomy, creative achievement, and self betterment, the thought of rearranging my schedule to accommodate hours of free emotional labor seems utterly ridiculous.  I will always be an activist, but I will never again be a martyr.  If I die for a cause, it will be a personal one.  My life, my purpose, and my intention is to experience as much of the observable universe as possible with unbridled clarity.  
Before I head off into the night to crush my writing goals, I'd like to give you a little update on the many projects I'm involved in!  Currently working on:  

-Big MMA fight event as a venue coordinator
-Huge Children's production of Alice in Wonderland Musical numbers
-Story Slam contests at local art/music venues
-Writing a play about dragons with my First Graders
-Getting my left leg tattooed with clovers and Irish ivy
-writing this book about my life
-kun khmer training 4 days a week
-guiding 1 apprenticeship in the Path of the Raven

Yes, I've actually formalized my occult teaching practice and I'm opening apprenticeships.  My current student is exponentially increasing her personal power.  It's utterly glorious.  I've also reachieved dragon pose for the first time since the pandemic.  To me, dragon is the mark between being a practicing martial artist and being a hobbyist (special injuries are the exception of course).  I am very excited about this development and will likely post a picture the next time I check in here.  
Remember to smell the flower and blow out the candle a couple of times before you act if you're feeling pressured or emotional.  May the wings of Auset embrace you with the rising of each new sun.  <3