Chapter 46.4- Gamer of the Desert

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“What do you mean I should wait behind?” Naruto asked with ever present indignity in his voice. “Jiji was my hokage too, you know” He said, raging at the decision to keep him out of the negotiations with the council of Taki. In truth, Jiraiya would have loved to have the boy tag along for the experience so he got some actual context on just how thing were when it came to the interactions between different villages and their interests- villages because he would never consider himself anything other than a ninja of Konoha. Even if she didn’t know it yet, Tsunade was his kage. They were merely in temporary exile while insurgents took control of their home. 

“I mean you should follow the nice Lady to our living accomodations while we begin the negotiations, brat” Tsunade said, brash as ever. The decision was hers. He would not disagree with it. Not now. He agreed with part of the rationale, but felt that she was underestimating the Gaki. She felt that the Taki bastards would say something rude and that Naruto would be unable to keep himself from replying them in kind, leading to a break down in negotiations. She was giving him less credit than he deserved, but it was not Jiraiya’s place to argue with his Kage. Whether she knew herself as such or not. 

“But why? I promise to behave” He said, still resisting. 

“Naruto” He said, stepping in. It was like mentioning the boy’s name was the signal for things to begin to go wrong as there was an explosion within the village. Suddenly a girl came flying past them, with ethereal wings sprouted from her back. That was the Nanabi Jinchuriki, no doubt, he casually assessed as he turned to see a detached hand stretch out and grab the girl by the ankle before slamming her to the ground. He followed the line of black threads(?) that connected the hand to find a man with a facemask, and a dead looking appearance to his eyes. Nothing took more of Jiraiya’s notice than the cloak of black and red that the man sported, however. Akatsuki. 

“Kukukuku. Isn’t this such a coincidence” Orochimaru cackled out loud, drawing the man’s attention away from the Jinchuriki on the floor to their party of seven- the four of them and their three escorts. Most worryingly was the way the bounty hunter- for who else could it be but Kakuzu the Immortal- kept his eyes on Naruto. 

“The Jinchuriki of the Kyubi no Kitsune in the company of the Densestu no Sannin” His voice had a rough quality to it. Like his vocal cords were made of sandpaper and not flesh and blood. With the information Orochimaru had given on the man’s abilities, that would not be much of a surprise. 

“Between the four of you, I can see Five Hundred Million Ryo. Do well to die peacefully” The man said before he began weaving seals. 

Orochimaru wasted no time in matching him, seal for seal, while Tsunade took place as the tip of the spear with practiced ease as she ran forwards, taking all of his attention to her. “Lightning Release: False Darkness” He said, before pointing his hands forwards and letting loose with a blast of lightning natured energy. 

The jutsu did little as with speed that would have caught most by surprise, Naruto appeared in front of Tsunade and clapped his hands. The gesture was more than enough to mark the trigger of a powerful wind release jutsu that tore the lightning jutsu to nothingness as it continued towards the bounty hunter. His skin darkened a shade and the barely visible blades of wind tore into his cloak without doing anything to his body. Tsunade wove around Naruto’s form with ease as her speed quadrupled, smelling blood in the water. Kakuzu was barely able to lift his hand to block the attack in time, but that gesture proved fruitless as the force of the punch tore through his earth release armour and ripped the hand from the body. 

Another person jumped at Tsunade from behind Kakuzu’s form, trying to prevent her from getting her due. She never even looked at the flying body as it was consumed by flames from Orochimaru’s fire release jutsu. Jiraiya almost cried at the display of simple teamwork. This is what had made them famous, and it was good to see that it was not gone completely. He did his part by forming a single seal with his clasped hands. As Kakuzu tried to backpedal, he found his feet trapped in stone. Tsunade took great pleasure in the punch she unleashed on his midsection, tearing most of it to pieces. 

“So that is Akatsuki? Nothing impressive at all” She said, turning away from her dead opponent to face him. 

It was in that second that she showed that all was not well with them. They were sloppy after so long away from the battlefield. Tsunade of old would never have turned her back on an enemy like that. Not even a dead one. People were fond of faking their deaths when they arrived at the battlefield, so they’d grown to expect it. That caution was nowhere to be found as the man that had been caught by Orochimaru’s fire release jutsu lifted himself from the floor with skin caked in charcoal and a crazed smile on his face. As he lifted his scythe to bring it down on an unaware Tsunade, Jiraiya began to move without even thinking. 

His hands formed a seal they hadn’t formed in over a decade as their special substitution activated. Tsunade did not fight his jutsu as they switched places. He bent underneath the swipe of the scythe, and rose with the fury of a storm god himself. In his right hand lay his improved version of his student’s technique. “Odama Rasengan” He shouted as he slammed the grinding ball of chakra against the man’s body. Unlike what his young apprentice favoured, this was not the non-lethal version of the technique designed to blow enemies away. No, this was the meat grinder that had put Minato’s name on the map even before the Flying Thunder God was a twinkle in his eyes. It lived up to the name the shinobi of Iwa gave it as it grinded the man’s body so thoroughly that the head popped off with a distinct sound. He deactivated the jutsu then. That was his mistake. 

In turning his attention to the one who had threatened Tsunade, he had removed his attention from every other facet of his surroundings. In keeping the rasengan active for much longer than he’d needed to, he’d given his enemy the privilege of time. He felt a squeezing sensation right as he stood up, and it was the realisation that there was a hand in his chest that kept him still. 

“The three of you. You are scary. Especially the woman. Took four of my hearts with one punch. If I didn’t start sending my earth heart into the ground after I got trapped, then I’d be dead now.” A voice said in his ear, from right behind him. Jiraiya figured that that was where the immortal part of the man’s epithet came in. To think that it would be something as inelegant as having multiple hearts. One for each of the elements, Jiraiya suspected. 

He turned his neck to get a view of his assailant and felt the squeezing sensation around his precious organ intensify as the man squeezed. He was squeezing lightly. Perhaps he intended to use Jiraiya’s life as a bargaining chip. He would never get to find out if that would have worked as the man’s own chest was stabbed clean through. Jiraiya could recognise the sword of Kusanagi anywhere as Orochimaru let go of the sword to hold on to  Kakuzu's body, most especially the hand that was inside Jiraiya’s chest. “How careless of you” The snake summoner tutted as Tsunade rushed towards them. 

“We’ve gotten rusty" He said as both of his teammates worked to put his body down and extract Kakuzu’s hand from his chest. 

“Stop talking, you fool” Tsunade admonished. 

“Tell Naruto, I will always be proud of him” Jiraiya said, trying to come up with the perfect last words. It almost saddened him that he’d never thought to write his own last words ahead of today. 

“Shut up, you idiot. You’re not dying” Orochimaru said with a chuckle. 

“I’m not?” He asked surprised. 

“The bastard didn’t cause anything more than superficial damage with that stunt of his. Nothing I can’t fix up in a few minutes.” She said with a bright smile on her face. He wasn’t fooled, though. The fact that it was going to take her minutes was a sign that Kakuzu had caused much more damage than she was saying. There were very few things Tsunade could not heal in a matter of seconds. Especially when it came to his body. She was more familiar with it than he himself was, after all. 

“Oi Kakuzu! Come get me my body” They heard suddenly. 

A/N; Here’s the update. To be completely honest, that fight was always going to be a curb stomp. I couldn’t see any way where the Zombie duo would run into the three legendary sannin working as a team that didn’t end up with the Zombies finding unmarked graves.