Chapter 9- And so the Dragons Danced (Complete)

I walked around in a daze, not sure of where to go or what to do with myself. It was almost like I couldn't move forward or return back to where I’d once been. In short, I felt stuck. Not even my friends could help this time. Of all of them, Toji was the only one I saw with any degree of frequency, and the day he ever sat down to have an emotional conversation without Lee spending hours convincing him would be the day Agni descended and returned the world to the original flame.

Yup, that was a whole thing in Fire Nation religious culture. Instead of a proper formal religion like Christianity, Islam or Judaism, we had a monotheistic religion centred around the worship of the sun. Not like there was much worshipping going on. Apart from in ceremonies like burials or coronations, the only time one ever prayed to Agni was while firebending. Yeah, you heard me right. Firebending was a way to pray to the Sun God. Not just ‘a’ way. It was the way. There’d been  a whole stage in fire nation history when non-benders were looked down upon for being farther away from God. Thankfully, that period was behind us. We all accepted that Agni loved all his children equally. Whether or not they could talk to him directly.

Still, enough of that. Back to my present conundrum. I hadn’t been able to face my friends in close to two weeks. Yes, I knew they wouldn’t be pissed about what happened. I knew it, logically, but a small but annoyingly vocal part of me didn’t. After all, Toji had smashed Zhufu’s face into the ground in furthering my aims, and we hadn’t been any gentler with Lee in the end. Even Mei had gotten a few licks from Toji when she tried to chase after me. That was the thing with Toji. He was a very simple man. It was easy to face him and it was easy for him to face them. They’d had conflict about differing goals but that was in the past for him now, so he didn’t care about it. Me? Nope. If only I could share the lack of care about what people thought of or showed me. After all, how would they look at me after I declined to listen to them and rashly attacked a Master for no reason and with nothing more to go off on than my instincts.

The truth was that I was embarrassed. Seeing them, the pity in their eyes, the way they got quiet  and were hesitant to meet my eyes for long. It was too much for me if I was being honest. After all, I’d done something stupid. They could pretend not to judge me for it. Maybe they’d even act like they didn’t care about me being a bloody fool. But I would never be able to believe that part of them didn't look down on me for being a miserable idiot.

Fuck. I’d really just gone and attacked a member of staff just because I’d gotten it in my head that he was the one responsible for me losing out the opportunity to regain my family’s honour and save Grandfather from the path he’d begun walking down. Nothing good would come from partnering with Ozai in his madness, but as the time went by it began to seem more and more like that was the only real choice we would have at the end of the day. It disgusted and sickened me. Made me feel nauseous in my own skin. I was born the most talented firebender my family had ever seen in five centuries and there was still naught I could do to prevent our descent. Either hitched to Ozia or left sinking on our own, we’d be sinking either way though.

A knocking at the door drew me from my thoughts and it took me a few seconds were I debated just pretending to not be inside. “Natsu, I know you’re in there” Zhufu’s voice sounded in from the outside. That soft, melodic tone that fit her inner pacifist so easily. I bolted to open the door, and my momentum was arrested as I came face to face with her. It was the weekend, so there weren’t any classes today. Zhufu had shed her aged old fashioned school uniform in favour of some casual clothes. They weren’t hers. I could tell. No way would her family let her own something like this.

The style and cut were modern. A crop top that showed off her toned stomach and a pair of baggy pants that tapered off at the ankles. Maki’s clothes, I guessed. But she wore them well. Far better than the tomboy ever would. “Are you going to invite me in?” She asked with a smirk and raised brow. I could just barely scramble back into the room with some semblance of grace as I waved her in.

She came in and gave the place a good look while I struggled to adjust myself with her noticing the tiny bulge that was beginning to build in my baggy silk bottoms I used as pyjamas. “I guess it was true what the others said” She said first of all.

What? “What?” I asked internally and then externally when my brain caught up with me.

“This school doesn’t believe in equality at all and doesn’t even try not to make it obvious. Your room is like twice the size of mine. Your side of the room alone is probably just as big as what Maki and I have to share.” She replied, while walking across the room from end to end. She and Maki had become roommates at the beginning of last semester when she’d finally had enough of her old roommate and moved into Maki’s room. I still had no idea what she did to Maki’s former roommate to get her to make the switch or even what she did to prevent herself from getting into trouble for switching rooms in the first place.

“Your older room was around this size, wasn’t it?” I asked

“Not even close. Bigger than Maki’s, yes, but everyone knows my family is nowhere near yours or Toji’s. Not in wealth, at least.” She added the last bit in a whisper that I still caught in the empty room. She was right. They’d lost a greater bit of their money. But what they did still have, history, was invaluable. She had a name that went back a millennium to the founding of the fire nation and beyond. Her family had married into the royal family so often that some whispered that she’d be Prince Zuko’s next wife as a matter of certainty. Of course, those whispers never failed to set me off. Internally, of course. Never would I visibly react to something so inane.

But still part of me never failed to boil at the thought of someone as perfect and delicate as her being forced to spend the rest of her life with that ball of rage and frustration masquerading as a Prince of the Greatest Nation. Sure, I knew that in canon he ended up with Mai, but canon had taken a nosedive the second that I was born. I had no doubts that I’d eventually change the face of the war and how things ended up in the fire nation. A bender as powerful as me on the front lines would just have that effect. That brought another topic to my mind, but before my head could begin churning, I was startled by a series of coughs from the girl on my bed(?) On my bed? When did she get there?

“You always look so cute when that brain of yours gets going.” What? Cute? Me?? Zhufu thinks I’m cute? Naaa. Can’t be possible.

“It’s one of the things I like the most about you. How you can just get lost in your own world and leave this one behind for the rest of us. If only I could do the same” What? What did she just say? She likes me? Quick, say something, I screamed at myself in my head as she just stared at me and the moment began to get awkward.

“Uhm” What the fuck? Um? Oh, Agni! If only Grandfather could see me now.

“So what brings you all the way here?” I finally managed to force my mouth to produce some intelligible words to get the conversation going, only to immediately regret them once they came out of my mouth. Fuck. I’m a fucking idiot. Why’d I ask that? She probably thinks I don’t want her here or something. Fuck me. Why couldn’t I just have asked her about the weather or something-

“Well, we all haven’t seen you in a while so I came to check up on you” She said, tucking a lock of deep black hair behind her ears. Her usual ponytail was gone, replaced with her letting her hair run in ringlets down her shoulders all the way to the middle of her back. Unlike Maki, Zhufu loved to keep her hair long. That was something we both had in common. Of course, my hair was nowhere near as long as hers, but my ponytail still reached down to my shoulders.

“Lost again?” She asked with a chuckle as I suddenly noticed that I’d been staring at her. What the fuck was wrong with me today?

“Yeahhh. I’m sorry. Thanks for coming, though.” I said to her, turning my head from her to look towards a section of the wall I’d hung a tapestry on. It was one of the couple dozen I’d bought with what was essentially my trust fund. The money was good, and in the absence of anything else to spend it on, I’d turned into a bit of an art collector. This particular piece depicted a dragon flying. It was like the dragon was flying right at the viewer with the light of the rising sun behind it. The artist was a genius, and it showed in the way the work was so vibrant and sometimes made me double take at its realism.
“It’s no trouble. Besides, coming to check up on you was only half the reason I came looking for you all the way up here” She said, turning my attention back to her. She’d moved from sitting on the bed to splaying herself across it. It was one of the things I appreciated the most about my relationship with Zhufu. We didn’t speak as often as I did with some of my other friends, but when we were together, she had this way of relaxing herself and getting me to relax in turn. That’s why when she tapped the side of the bed next to her, I didn’t hesitate to drop in and plop my form in right next to hers on the fluffy mattress. She turned to face me and I did the same, feeling my heart begin to beat faster as we lay there looking into each other’s eyes.

“I wonder what telling you this will do to you. Will you still have that spark in your eyes? That inner hunger to burn the world down to get what matters to you?”
“What?” What the fuck was she talking about?

“I found out who did it. The person who blocked your application” She said, while lifting a hand to caress the side of my face. My heart sped up as I could barely hear the next words she said. I have no idea if it was the position we were in or if it was the rage boiling within me at the reminder that I’d been prevented from accomplishing my goals by a person who I still couldn’t find.

“It was the Principal” What?

“Your Grandfather told him to.”

I looked at her. Just stared. Whatever lust or interest I’d previously been feeling evaporated like fresh snow in the face of the midday sun. First of all, it went to water when I thought I misheard or it was a joke. The longer she went without bursting into laughter or telling me it was a prank, the more that water turned into vapour.

She had to be lying. No, it couldn’t be. There was no way in hell.

“I’m not lying.” She said, correctly reading my expression. “The Principal is my Uncle, you know this. I was able to get into his office and check his mail. I wanted to help you find out who denied your application in the first place. I’d thought it would help. Help you feel better about the whole thing. But this? I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but I also could not stand you not knowing the truth” She said, eyes begging me to believe her. I did. I really did, and that was the problem. Because what the fuck?

For perhaps the first time in this new life, I didn’t understand what I was feeling. It was like my heart had been taken and shattered into a million pieces, but at the same time, I wanted to smash something.

Tear something apart, burn it. It was like I couldn't stay still. I jumped off the bed without even noticing that I’d gotten up. All I knew was that one moment I was on the bed staring into one of the most beautiful faces I’d ever seen, and the next, I was staring at the hole burning through one of my favourite tapestries. The Dragon and the Sunset. I looked at it, glared really and the fire ate at it even more quickly. For a few more seconds until all the flames suddenly disappeared.

Zhufu was looking at me with a feeling I couldn’t place filling up her eyes. Was it pity? Did she pity me? The boy who’d done everything for his grandfather only to be betrayed in one of the worst ways. I glared at the tapestry even further. Previously, where there’d been the gigantic body of a dragon, there was now a half hole on the wall. It was ruined. Of course it was. That was one thing I was good at. Greatest firebender in history? Ha. Not even close. But the greatest failure? Maybe. Maybe I’d have a good shot if I tossed my hat in the ring for that one. But why? Why didn’t he trust me? Why doesn’t he trust me? What did I do wrong? Why? Why? Arms wrapped around me from behind as I felt a soft body close in on mine. I turned around quicker than I’d ever moved in my life and in that fraction of a second between breaths, I was in Zhufu’s arms, clutched in the tight grip of the girl who’d just essentially given me the news that broke my heart.

XXXXX

It took a week for me to gain the energy to message my Grandfather and ask him why. After that day, when I’d cried myself hoarse in Zhufu’s arms till she lay me to rest, I’d spent the rest of the week in a daze. Nothing was clear. What did I want? What could I even want? My Grandfather didn’t trust me with the future of our family?

He had to know that I’d pass the exams with ease. I was practically a firebending master at this point. Not just that, I’d studied every inch of the library with anything even remotely educational. I’d covered the entire syllabus many times over. He knew all that. He’d even joked about me being ready for the exam on the very day I was admitted into the school. And even after all that, he still didn’t trust me?  It couldn’t have been about the exams. No way. It was something else. I was ready. I was practically born ready to lead the family into the future. He just didn’t trust me to be able to deal with it. In this life, I’d told myself never to bother looking for acceptance and acknowledgement. I never cared about it because all that mattered to me was Grandfather. His was the only opinion I’d ever sought on matters. He was the only one who could tell me I was moving in the wrong direction and I’d believe him instantly without any need to verify it.

We’d had a mutual bond of trust and openness. It was the way things were between us. He could tell me anything just as I could do the same. Our family was odd, sure, but it was perfect for me. He treated me like a perfectly independent creature at almost every instance. After all, how many thirteen-year-olds could say they had full authority in the management and investment of their trust funds?

Speaking of investments, the painting right in front of me was an example of why that might not have necessarily been a brilliant idea. Sure I knew the value of the art would go up as time passed, but that no longer applied since the piece was essentially ruined and burned. Done with. Just like me.

I slapped myself suddenly and harshly when I finally managed to catch myself delving into those thoughts now, startling everyone else who was close to me in the dining hall. When they turned to stare at me, I stared right back at each and every one of them , meeting their eyes and waiting for them to back down, Good. But it was only a momentary satisfaction. At the end of the day, my grandfather had still gone behind my back to connive with my Principal to deny my advancement. That was perhaps the part of it that hurt me the most. Grandfather never told me a single word. He never even mentioned knowing about my application. It was supposed to be a surprise for him. And in the end, I was the one who ended up surprised while he was perfectly appraised of everything that was going on. It was like there was a stage play going on, and I was the fool with the face paint who thought himself the main character.

If he’d just have spoken to me. Asked me to rescind the request. I’d have done it in a heartbeat for him. What wouldn’t I have done for him? For him to be proud of me? I loved only one person in this world, and it was my father’s father. And I thought he felt the same for me as I did him.  But this? This was betrayal. Was there another way to put it?

Zhufu was right, I had to write to him.

A/N; Here’s the chapter guys. In all its glory. What do you think? Too heavy on the angst? I suck at writing feelings and the goal of writing this is for me to get better, so I’m sorry but I’ll be including a lot of less good elements in my stories as I work to improve my writing skills.