Nuki News #43 - Success & Failure

I had a surprisingly good month to kick off 2021- I made more than I expected! If I got to talk to myself from a year ago, when I’d just broken a record of money made from my art, he’d be so proud. At that time(pre-pandemic) I’d quickly realized how much I’d actually need to make a living, intimidated by how much I would have to do. But a year later, I did it. I made it happen. Of course, not all of it is in my control at the end of the day, and I definitely couldn’t have done so without your support here either! On my end though, it took planning every month out, setting goals, picking dates to accomplish them by, etc. All the while juggling a full time job.

But with the delight of that success, comes the risk of ‘failure’, and my brain likes to let me know, such as passively saying ‘this successful month was a fluke’. I am fortunate that I’m mentally in a good spot that I can recognize these negative voices, and not let them take over the conversation. But they’re still annoying and persistent to say the least. I do have to try to hit the same mark each month. I won’t beat myself up if I don’t, though- but I will have to do what I can to ensure I don’t stagnate in my freelance pursuits. The sooner I manage to catch up to the amount I made at my dayjob, the much better it will be for not just me but those I want to support, too!

There is some truth to the negative voices- this month could be a fluke- if I don’t put in the legwork and promote myself, or don’t reach out to people who expressed interest in getting art from me for instance, it’ll become true. Last year, February and March made very little- in part due to changes at my work and apartment hunting. But I won’t deny at that point I also had a cloud of negativity on me. I wager this year will be different. Because from April onward, I had more success than even January 2020- and aside from one other month(July) things just went upward, essentially. I noticed in the bottom 4 months in terms of art performance, those were months I had a defeated mindset regarding what I was capable of doing during those months. Some of it may have been justified too! I had virtually little time in March due to looking through apartments. Now this is my full time pursuit though, I can’t afford to waste a month away; and I genuinely don’t think I will.

An issue I believe may settle down over my time doing freelance in my mind’s negative talk towards my capability of having people enjoy my work and wanting to commission me to make art for them. ‘Commission Day’ - aka, when I announce I am open to accept commissions for the month- tends to fill me with some anxiety, because the sooner I get my commission slots filled, the sooner I don’t have to worry for the month. This is sort of out of my hands- I can't force anyone to commission me, haha(nor would I want to!). But I *can* let people know I’m open and put out examples of work to inform them they can reach out to me to inquire for a spot. I do get an emotional ‘high’ when the slots do get filled though, it’s very assuring to me that my work is good enough. By the end of the year, I hope to smooth out these highs and lows- so I can feel neutral about it and not internally panic every time I open commissions and they don’t get instantaneously filled. They end up getting filled regardless- so that’s never been the issue. But it’s more my mind imagining bad ‘what if’s and getting carried away as if they are reality.

Success and failure here is mostly a mental game. I haven’t actually ‘failed’ at all. The only way I do is if I give up- and last year and in 2019 there were months I didn’t give it my all, and may have passively let things slip by. But I’m glad I never let it trend for long. Every day, week, and month is progress, still. Even the times I let things ‘slip’ I was still moving the needle forward. I just wanted to take this week’s Nuki News to say our minds will play dirty tricks on us, and tell us we suck or failed, when nothing of the sort happened. As long as you are doing what you can, you’re inevitably moving towards your goals. It may not be as fast as you feel it should be, but you will get there, so long as you are deliberate! Moving the needle may also just be as simple as tweeting you’re open for commissions a third time as opposed to just ReTweeting the original post once and giving up.