Chris Huisjen

73-74 - Eight Hours and Professor Panic

Added 2023-09-28 13:53:00 +0000 UTC

73 - Eight Hours

Thursday, December 4

- - - - -

“Aaaaaaaayyy! DuPont, good news! I pulled some strings for you and got the major leaguers out of your hair for an hour—maybe two—this afternoon!”

I groaned. It was too early for this shit, but Rocko had said eight hours, and his call was right on time. “That’s great. What’d you have to do?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing. I owe favors to Phil and Lil, Zim, and Otto. You have no idea how many strings I had to pull to make this happen. But forget it. Just be ready, alright? And don’t tell anyone until, say, 1:36 this afternoon. Oh, and you owe Tottergarten a Christmas Special. No danger, just stolen presents and shenanigans.”

“Thanks for the heads-up. I won’t let you down.”

“You better not.” Rocko’s voice sounded serious. “I’m not joking when I say I owe Major League studios massive favors. That ain’t cheap, kid. Now, DuPont, go get ‘em.”

They hung up the phone, and I stared at the blank screen for a few seconds. I’d hoped Rocko could pull something off, but I hadn’t really thought he’d be able to move the major leaguers. I’d have a window to finish this with them out of the way. But first, I had an Algebra final. I started texting furiously.

<Teleportal, Math final this morning. 9. 15 minutes away - Understudy 7:11>

<Majors will be busy this afternoon. Finals schedule? - Understudy 7:11>

<Great. C U @8:55 @ ur elevator - Tele-Portal 7:12>

I snorted into my milk glass. She texted like…like my parents. Or like someone from way before Launch Day, when they, supposedly, had to pay by the text and had max text sizes. I guessed she’d set up a portal jump to get me to the Algebra final, or at least close. Either way, I had an hour and a half to plan my attack on Professor Panic this afternoon. Not that I was much of a planner.

<Final in Chemistry. Done by 12:30 - Fursona 7:17>

<Perfect. - Understudy - 7:17>

<Here’s the plan - Understudy 7:18>

<We run it just like the TUEAS Building lair - Understudy 7:18>

<Didn’t we fail that one? - Fursona 7:19>

My waffle sat on the kitchen counter, forgotten and drowning slowly in syrup. I was too busy typing.

<I think itll work. We can make it work. 1.5 and 1.6 LABRATs. Weak armor. Panic Pals are nothing. Maybe Flare, but only if he gets out without TP catching him - Understudy 7:23>

<The big thing is speed. Gotta go fast. Rocko only gave us a few hours - Understudy 7:24>

<Ok. Im in. See you at 145 outside the SUB - Fursona 7:25>

<And if were not fast, the Triad or the professors will flatten us - Understudy 7:25>

<Thanks <3 - Understudy 7:25>

< <3 - Fursona 7:26>

◄▼►

I turned on my phone screen and stared at it. 1:33. It’d been 1:33 the last three times I’d checked, too. My Algebra final had been the most challenging test I’d ever taken. It wasn’t the questions; I thought I’d executed the plan well. The problems I knew how to do, I’d worked hard on, and the ones even Su-Bin couldn’t teach me? I guessed where I could and skipped where I couldn’t.

Just like planned.

1:34.

The issue with Algebra wasn’t the test. I wanted to get out there and finish this Episode, and the test felt in the way of that. But I’d done my best; that was all I could do.

I dipped into the bathroom. Before I’d finished washing my hands, a loud, echoing voice boomed across campus. It sounded a little like The Narrator’s, but deeper and rougher. “It was a lovely day. You were minding your own business in a little park by the wall. Then, suddenly, a storm blew in from the mountains. You could practically feel the electricity in the air as the Poudre Districts descended into…Gothic Horror! The bats were on their way.”

I looked out my window; a sinister-looking black-and-red pallor had descended on the two districts to Tokyexico University’s north. Something flew through the air toward Tokyexico, massive wingbeats echoing against the wall loudly enough that I could hear them from here. “What. The. Fuck.” I almost called Rocko to have them call off…whatever was happening, but as I reached for my phone, I received three new text messages.

<Aaaaaaaayyy! Go go go! Make me proud- Rocko 1:35>

<I’m assuming that’s the signal right? What the hell is that? - Fursona 1:35>

Then, a minute later…

I texted Fursona to let her know that, yes, this was the signal. Then, I started transforming. That lunatic had pulled strings to get Fanfic involved, of all things?! The fifth meta-powered super, and possibly the most powerful, Fanfic’s power worked similarly to The Narrator’s, except that they controlled genre and character actions as well as the plot. They weren’t as deadly as Lord Destructo, but their rambling, half-baked stories were impossible to get out of, and they’d destroyed enough supers’ careers that everyone usually banded together to stop the IP-violating villain.

Plus, they didn’t care about collateral damage in their Episodes. At all. They needed a Code of Ethics.

But I didn’t have time to worry about that. The transformation finished, and I sprinted for the stairs. The time was 1:38. According to Rocko, there wouldn’t be any major-league heroes or villains on campus for a couple of hours.

It was Go Time.

“[Starwave Sail]!” I threw myself off the roof and windsurfed through the air, straight toward the Student Union Building. As I got close, I got a new notification.

[Absent-Hearted Professor Pt. 2: Act Two in Progress]

I landed on the snow right outside of the delivery door. It was locked, but that was fine; I’d wait for Fursona, and she’d kick it open. In fact, I could hear her crunching through the crusty snow as she bounded closer. She rounded the Student Union Building’s corner and waved.

A moment later, something slammed into her, moving fast. A fiery explosion threw her into a tree; I started rushing over, readying [Bit-Part Barrage], but she stood up and waved me down before I could finish my power. “Ah, Flare, we meet again. I’m surprised you were brave enough to come out after our last meeting,” Fursona said.

“I’d have beaten you if I had a better sidekick. The Crumb is worthless!” Flare shouted. He danced sparks across his knuckles and dove toward Fursona.

I wanted to help, but the loading bay door opened, and a pack of Panic Pals and a LABRAT came out. By the charging docks on its back, it was a 1.6, which meant it didn’t have the armor to tank my attacks.

“IT’S PANIC TIME! EVERYBODY LOSE IT!

THE MAD PROF OF TOWN’S GOT CRIMES TO COMMIT!”

Bang!

The flying robots swarmed me, and the airburst kicked up a cloud of snow that covered my costume. I ignored the Panic Pals, instead running straight toward the LABRAT before it could recharge its cannon. I had a trick up my sleeve this time.

I [Flickerformed] into [Speed-Hacker], targeting the [Hypercompression Cannon]. Its lights flickered pink, and it fired another airburst—

Bang!

—Right into the Panic Pals closing in behind me. One catapulted backward, detached arms landing in the snow as its body rolled.

[Good Thinking! +1 Cunning Point Pending]

[Smarty-Pants! +1 Cunning Point Pending]

The speaker-bot was still up, and with the [Hypercompression Cannon] out of commission, the annoying robot was my next target. I had enough time to see a fiery explosion on the quad and Fursona kicking Flare in the chest as I turned and ducked a pair of Panic Pals’ metal fists. One bit onto my shoulder, but I punched it.

[HP 6/7]

[Badass Takedown! +1 Badass Point Pending]

My friend the LABRAT stomped after me. “We all hate you, you know. It’s in our programming.”

I didn’t even respond. Instead, I used [Spotlight Strike] and caught the speaker-bot right in its open mouth, exactly where the spotlight highlighted. The bot sparked, shorted out, and slid off my arm onto the snow as I spun.

[Stylish Strike! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

Bang!

The LABRAT’s cannon fired into the ground this time, knocking the whole bot off-balance as it followed me around the snow-packed field. It reached out with the hijacked cannon arm to catch itself. Its weight worked against it, and the arm twisted with a spine-tingling screech. It sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard.

With a moment of respite from the LABRAT, I turned my attention to the Panic Pals. A pair of punches knocked each of them out of the fight. I didn’t get any Style Points—they weren’t particularly great punches, and I hadn’t used a power, but then it was just the LABRAT and me.

“I’m getting inside that door, LABRAT,” I said, turning to face the robot as it leveraged itself up. Its [Hypercompression Cannon] trailed behind it, attached only by a pair of sparking wires, and its pink lights had burned out.

“No, you’re not. I only have to delay for a few minutes for Professor Panic to…well, you’ll see.” LABRAT lunged toward me, clawed arm grabbing for my wand, and my skirt flared as I spun out of the way. I [Spotlight Striked] it in the shoulder, then right in a charging dock, which sparked and started whining.

[Stylish Strike! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

I couldn’t switch Costumes to Rainy Day and [Stellar Ray] it down. The nursery rhyme was too long. But I didn’t need to. I had more options than ever; I even had another use of [Flickerform].

I used it, this time for [Ride the Lightning]. I didn’t have an Environmental Combo going, but I didn’t need one. The electrical tendrils wrapped across LABRAT, and its charging ports shorted out one after another in a series of popping explosions. I dodged backward, landing on an oak’s root that bumped out of the grass. It drove the wind out of me. A moment later, the LABRAT went up in flames, screaming dramatically in monotone.

[Intense Finish! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[Stylish Strike! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

With the LABRAT destroyed, I had a moment to breathe and look for Fursona. However, another two Panic Pals zipped out the door before I could find her or Flare. They took up posts on either side, rolled out their speakers, and started blasting rap music.

“TELL EM, PANIC PALS, WHILE WE’RE ALL JUST CHILLIN’!

WHO DO YOU THINK IS THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN?”

“THE FACTS ARE IN, THE TRUTH IS OUT, PANIC’S THE BEST!

HE PUTS TOKYEXICO TO THE ULTIMATE TEST!”

Another voice, not Professor Panic’s, a LABRAT’s, or a rapping robot’s, boomed out over the Student Union building’s loudspeakers. “Attention, students and faculty! I apologize for interrupting your finals, but I need a moment of your time! We’ve got a revenge story on our hands today, and vengeance can’t wait!”

The rap music swelled, and so did the voice on the loudspeaker. I couldn’t move. No one could, and I realized it was Monologue! He was [Monologuing] on the speakers!

“On the field is the treacherous, fickle Magical Girl Understudy and her sidekick Fursona! I’ve personally had my plans disrupted by these two, so I know how it feels! They’re here to fight a man Understudy wronged repeatedly before kicking to the curb! But will their powers be enough?”

I started to move as Monologue stopped talking about himself, only to freeze up again when the villain continued. “Hailing from a small town and here for revenge, it’s a man I consider a personal friend and colleague. My experience with him goes back a few months, and he’s proven as good as his word at almost everything I’ve asked him for. Coming out of the tunnel, piloting his brand new creation, it’s the Small Town Supervillain himself.”

Something was moving inside the cargo bay. The sounds of screeching metal filled the air as the Panic Pals kept rapping.

“HE’S HERE FOR REVENGE; HIS NEW BOT’S GIGANTIC!

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR PROFESSOR PANIC!”

◄▼►

74 - Professor Panic

Peter’s new mech—it wasn’t the FEAR Power Armor I’d grown familiar with, that was for sure—shoved its way through the cargo door and rose to its full height. The mech no longer qualified as power armor; its blue-and-black paint job was the only allusion to the FEAR ever having existed. A pair of familiar-looking Gatling tasers spun up on the machine’s back while an absolutely massive [Hypercompression Cannon] took up the entire left arm. At the top, almost fifteen feet off the ground, sat Peter.

He smiled as Monologue kept talking, even as he—and the mech—froze. “Professor Panic wanted me to say a little bit about this new machine, and—well, Tokyexico University, you all know me. I’m more than happy to talk. This is the TERROR Mech, a spiritual successor to the professor’s old FEAR Power Armor. We at the Student Supervillain Society helped him out with space to build it, access to materials, and, of course, labor in exchange for some…services! Ready? Fight!”

The [Monologue] effect dropped, and I sprinted right, toward some trees in the quad. Monologue rambled on and on about the Trepidation-Enhancing Wrack and Ruin-Oriented Robot’s design, carefully avoiding telling me anything useful.

WHUM-BANG!

The enormous [Hypercompression Cannon] fired, tearing a line in the snow down to the brown, dead grass. Twigs and branches rained down on me as I ducked behind an oak tree, which shook from the air’s impact. Snow blew upward between the mech and me, and I took a deep breath and dashed toward a different, wider tree.

“Professor Panic, stand down! The major league heroes will be back soon!”

“No, they won’t. Do you think you’re the only person who asked Rocko for help last night? I wanted this as much—no, more—than you did. I’ve been begging him to help me get started for weeks. Now that they’re off-campus, we can finally end this!”

“I already ended it!” I dashed out from behind the tree, sprinting toward the mech.

As I got closer, I realized it was bigger than Underdelver’s mech but that, once again, Peter had sacrificed mobility for armor. It ponderously turned toward me, Gatling tasers spinning. The two cannons howled and popped, and a moment later, dozens of wires sailed through the air over me, clattering harmlessly to the ground in my wake as I kept running.

“You miss—oh shit!”

The wires draped over me, then tightened, pulling the tasers back toward me before I could yank free from all the cables. One hooked into my skirt. Another caught a tight, zapped me, and then tore free. “Surge time,” Peter said. Sparks arced from one wire to the next as I tried to free myself from the tangle.

[HP 5/7]

I screamed. The electricity ripped through me, and I flopped to the ground. The stomp, stomp, stomp sound of the Terror mech’s feet filled my ears. A shadow covered me, then disappeared. I yanked wires off me, tearing my costume and ripping tiny cuts into my arms.

I’d almost freed myself and struggled to one knee when I heard a whining sound.

WHUM-BANG!

The heavy [Hypercompression Cannon] threw me through the Student Union Building’s glass windows, which shattered around me. I slammed into the ballroom floor. The impact drove the breath from my lungs; the airburst was like being hit by a hammer, and the floor itself was an anvil.

[HP 3/7]

<You should run meow,>Tails said cheerfully in my head. The cat glanced pointedly at the strewn, shattered glass shards. <You’ve seen it fight. Now, you need time to make a plan.>

“Why are you so chipper?” I asked, pushing myself up onto my feet. The two-tailed cat was right. I could hear the TERROR mech’s feet crunching glass and concrete below me. For a moment—just one—I let my brain go into self-pity mode. Sure, I’d gotten some cool powers, but Professor Panic got a killer mech?! It wasn’t fair. Then, an Extra’s scream from the hallway snapped me out of it.

[Gritty Recovery! +1 Grit Point Pending]

I couldn’t stay here, and I had to be obvious about leaving. Professor Panic would tear the building apart looking for me, unless he saw me go. “[Starwave Sail]!” I said, taking off and zipping right over the TERROR Mech’s glass dome.

WHUM-BANG!

The airburst pushed my windsurfer to the side but didn’t knock it off balance. I pulled up, gaining a few feet of altitude. The Gatling tasers started firing a moment later but arced through the air harmlessly below me. “Missed, for real this time! I doubt you’ve got a trick to fix that!”

I really hoped he didn’t have a trick to fix that.

I tore across the sky, looking back. The gigantic mech couldn’t fly. Either that or Professor Panic was holding out on me. It stomped slowly through the snow, pursuing me. My first destination had been Walnut Tower, but I changed my mind. Instead, I circled above the TERROR Mech, taking a breather.

Tails ran through the air next to my windsurfer. <Right meow, I see two threats. The air cannon is bad but manageable. Your real problem is the two shock guns.>

“Yeah. I have an idea.” I whipped the windsurfer into a long, wide arc around the Student Union Building and flew hard for the Mister Felsic statue.

My first thought had been Walnut Tower, but I couldn’t put other students at that much risk. Not everyone was in finals; some Extras would be studying at home, and as much as I hated it, we had agreed not to put Extras in harm’s way intentionally. I’d have a few moments to warn anyone at the Mister Felsic statue to leave, and the massive mech behind me would signal I was serious. Deadly serious.

[Showoff! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

There were, inexplicably, a dozen students hanging out by the Mister Felsic statue despite the cool weather and snow—and the text message warning to shelter in place. A familiar smell—cigarettes—filled the air as I landed. One of the dudes looked at me, raising an eyebrow. “Hey, babe.” It was Avan from history!

“Hey, I don’t want to break up the party, but—“

“Aaaaaah!” Avan screamed.

[Terrible Timing! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[End of Act Two! Act Three in One Minute! No Time for Skill Rolls]

“Yeah, that,” I mumbled as Avan and the other students started running. The Drama point was welcome, but not the TERROR Mech’s appearance. Neither was the second message saying I wouldn’t get to roll skills. That’d happened before, usually—like now—at the worst possible times.

It was still far away—far enough that its tasers probably wouldn’t hit me. “Alright. Gatling-tasers. I can do this. The itsy bitsy spider…”

◄▼►

[Absent-Hearted Professor: Pt. 2: Act Three Beginning]

By the time the TERROR Mech arrived at the Mister Felsic Statue, I’d concocted a foolproof, three-part plan to win this Episode.

Part One: Take out the Gatling tasers. The damn things rotated quickly, covering for the rest of the mech’s ponderous movement, and worse, Professor Panic had too many tricks engineered into them. I’d have to fight him from range until I got lucky hits on them, or they ran out of shots.

Part Two: Disable the [Hypercompression Cannon]. It was slow, telegraphed hard, and I knew how to manage it from my dozens of fights with Peter. I’d try hacking it; that was a good trick, and it’d worked in the past.

Part Three: Turn it into a kite fight again, just like the FEAR Power Armor. No glory, sure. But I couldn’t afford a stand-up battle. Once the TERROR Mech stopped working, I’d drag Peter’s ass out of it and beat him up personally.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Professor Panic taunted from the plexiglass cockpit.

WHUM-BANG!

I took a deep breath, steeled my sixth-grade self for battle, and whispered to myself, “I’m a [Hometown Heroine]. I’m a [Hometown Heroine]. I breathed again as the blue nimbus surrounded me, then threw myself around the corner.

“There you are!”

“[Stellar Ray]!” My bubbly beam went wide, splashing against armor instead of the plexiglass dome or a stun gun. I scrambled back. Gatling tasers sparked against the concrete a moment later. They kicked up a still-warm cigarette butt. I watched it fly through the air, squeaking when it bounced off my leg.

I’d half-hoped Professor Panic wouldn’t recognize me as Rainy Day, but that’d been a foolish hope. I’d wrecked some of his bots on camera as the diminutive dynamo, and he was smart enough to put two and two together. Instead of subterfuge, my plan was speed—that and hiding like a scaredy-cat.

I pressed against one of the statue’s giant granite pillars.

WHUM-BANG!

Snow blasted on either side of me, and I waited three heartbeats, then started running left. The two Gatling tasers tracked me. As they fired, I stopped on a dime and sprinted the other way. “[Stellar Ray], you big bully!” I shouted.

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

I’d hit something, but I couldn’t see what. Tasers clattered against the granite pillar—and against Mister Felsic. One caught my arm, and I pulled it back with a hiss. I got ready to duck out and fire another [Stellar Ray].

WHUM…

Preoccupied with where to aim, I didn’t realize the [Hypercompression Cannon] hadn’t fired until I was halfway around the corner. I stared straight down the barrel; I hadn’t realized Professor Panic could hold charged shots!

BANG!

It caught me right in the face. I screamed as I flew back, but it cut off when I slammed into Mister Felsic’s chest and slid to the ground. My head spun, and my back howled in pain. I closed my eyes.

[HP 1/7]

When I opened them, the TERROR Mech was pushing against one of the granite pillars in a vain attempt to get to me. I rolled to my side and climbed sorely to my feet. “Dammit, Professor Panic, stand down!” I shouted. My voice felt whiney and wavery, so it wasn’t a shock when he laughed it off.

“Stand down? Surrender? I’m winning, Understudy! Why would I do that?”

I grinned and dodged a much-lessened rain of tasers, rolling past Mister Felsic and hiding behind him. The extra second of taunting had bought me the time to escape. The second the shots stopped, I ducked between the statue’s legs and fired another [Stellar Ray]. It missed the camera drone that filled half my vision but didn’t miss the other Gatling taser.

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

It exploded, sending sparking shrapnel raining across the snow. The whole mech seemed to flinch as Professor Panic jerked reflexively. I cheered in victory. Then, I dropped into the ramp leading down into the tunnels below. I didn’t go all the way inside. Instead, I started rapping.

“PROFESSOR PANIC IS UP TO NO GOOD!

TIME FOR THE ASSISTANT TO TAKE OVER THIS HOOD!”

[Rejuvenation Activated: HP 4/7]

I’d gotten pretty good at freestyling, I thought, as I spun and transformed. The TERROR Mech stomped around the Mister Felsic statue, closing the angle to blast me with the [Hypercompression Cannon]. My transformation finished, and I started up a [Maniacal Reveal].

But before I could, Professor Panic started his own! “You thought that was all I brought to our final fight?”

◄▼►