64 - Bianca Screamed

Bianca kept screaming as I burst out the bedroom door into my living room. She’d dropped the pan, and half-cooked eggs covered my kitchen. The window had blown in, covering my couch with glass shards, and the coffee table was crushed. As I took in the scene, I saw another green flash. This one kept glowing as LABRAT—freaking LABRAT!— stood to its full height, almost hitting my ceiling.

“I told you I hated you, Understudy,” it monotoned at me, leveling its [Hypercompression Cannon]. “The Professor sends his regards.”

Bang!

[Casting Call]

[Episode: SERIES FINALE! Absent-Hearted Professor: Part One - PG]

[Role: Teen Heroine! Mandatory Acceptance Required]

[Role Focus: Drama > Flamboyance]

[Absent-Hearted Professor: Act One in Progress]

As the super-compressed airblast slammed into me and launched me into my bedroom, I got a good look at the LABRAT. Three Panic Pals were already launching from its back, taking to the air. Blinking, pulsing green lights reflected off the steel appliances in the kitchen. Bianca screamed again, ducking below the island sink.

Then I hit my bed’s footboard and flipped onto the mountain of blankets I’d been buried beneath a moment before.

I waited for the HP notification, but as my thighs burned where they’d slapped the footboard and my back spasmed from a funny twist just before the landing, I realized I didn’t have superhero damage to help me out. I cursed under my breath. This wasn’t how the sushi date and aftermath were supposed to have gone.

Then I picked myself up, wincing, and ran back toward the door.

Bianca was in there with the bots, and she needed my help. I didn’t have time for a transformation, but dammit, I was a heroine!

A pair of chrome camera drones slammed through the other living room windows. One of them zipped into the kitchen and hovered over Bianca; her screaming had died down, but she was still definitely the most dramatic person to watch, even if she was an Extra. The other got right up in my face.

“LABRAT, why are you here?” I needed to stall.

But even as the robot started talking, its [Hypercompression Cannon] was already whining, and the Panic Pals had spread through the room around me.

“Magical Girl Understudy, you hurt Professor Panic a lot a few months ago. Now he’s returning the favor.”

Bang!

I threw myself to the side, landing hard on the living room floor as the couch all but vaporized. Bits of glass and splinters dug into my arms, but I was already up and running before I felt it.

So was Bianca.

She threw herself out from behind the island sink and ran toward the hall. A Panic Pal swooped down at her, but I had bigger problems than a single flying robot. I couldn’t help but hear its stupid rap, though!

“PROFESSOR PANIC IS PREPPED FOR PAYBACK!

EVERYONE FREEZE! WE’RE ON THE ATTACK!”

Bianca slid under the attacking bot, blood flying as its arm clipped her temple. Then she was at the closet. She ripped her gigantic backpack out and spun, smashing the Panic Pal with it. The bot wobbled in the air, then careened toward the ground. I didn’t have time to watch what she was doing, though.

Bang!

The last living room window came apart, spraying shards onto the snow below. I winced; hopefully, no one had been down there. LABRAT stomped after me as I ducked into the bedroom again. Behind me, I heard a door slam.

Good, I thought. Bianca was safe, or at least safe-ish. She’d made it out into the hall, so she’d gotten away. “LABRAT, Professor Panic told me he wouldn’t seek vengeance!” I yelled, trying anything to distract the bot and slow it down.

“Professor Panic said you’d say that. I have a recording that proves otherwise.”

From a speaker on one of the remaining Panic Pals, I heard my voice, then Peter’s, digitized a bit. It was from the night we’d broken up. Peter had edited it a bit, but only to remove his secret identity.

“I don’t want it. I appreciate it, but I don’t want it anymore. I just want to be done.”

“Fine. Fine, then. We’re done. Magical Girl Understudy. I’m an honorable villain, so there’s no need to hide. I swear I won’t seek revenge on your family.”

Well, shit. The robot was right; Professor Panic hadn’t said anything about not seeking revenge. He’d only promised not to take it out on Mom and Dad. I rolled over the bed, grabbed Tails, and fell to the floor.

Bang!

Alright. It was definitely more dangerous dodging LABRAT’s cannon without superhero damage to spare, but since I wasn’t looking for an opening, I could—“

“Ooof!” A Panic Pal surged toward me, whacking my back. I crawled under the bed, past a discarded bra from the night before. I didn’t think it was mine.

The Panic Pal dropped lower, slapping at my feet, and I heard LABRAT’s [Hypercompression Cannon] spooling up for another shot. At the same time, the last Panic Pal kept pounding away on a door. I took a deep breath, getting ready for the inevitable.

Peter—Professor Panic—wouldn’t push this too far. Labrat would probably knock me out, and I’d wake up tied to a chair in the center of some alligator-infested room deep underground or something. Typical supervillain crap. He was a theater kid at heart, even if he’d quit to focus on his Genius work. At least, I was pretty sure that was how it’d go. Not 100% sure, though. The villain had clearly not taken the break-up as well as I’d thought.

Either way, I couldn’t stop what came next. LABRAT spooled up its [Hypercompression Cannon] again as the Panic Pal grabbed at my ankles and tried to drag me out from under the bed.

Bam!

I raised an eyebrow as I kicked at the Panic Pal. That wasn’t the [Hypercompression Cannon’s]normal sound!

“Have no fear! Justice-Roo is here!”

‘What the [Beep!]”

[Rating Warning #1! Episode Rating - PG! Censor in Effect]

I barely even saw the rating warning. Something orange, blue, and fuzzy crashed into the LABRAT bot, and though they bounced off the machine’s metal armor, the cannon arm turned up toward the ceiling.

Bang!

Ceiling tiles rained down on my bed. I clawed out from under the bed to see Fursona spin on one foot and plant the other—plus their tail—straight into the Panic Pal that’d been yanking my ankle. I had no idea how they’d gotten here so fast or gotten into my apartment when they couldn’t get up the elevator, but I didn’t have time to care.

I got to my feet and ran, sliding past LABRAT’s claw arm. My thigh burned as it rubbed against eh carpet, and I blinked back tears. But then I was past the bot, on my feet in the hall, with Tails. And my key to the maintenance room sat on the kitchen counter. I grabbed it, shoved it shakily into the door to my secret lair, and slipped inside.

As the door slammed, I took a deep breath, trying not to shiver. I’d just been bailed out of whatever Peter had planned for me. It would be fair for me to take a break for a second.

Instead, I held Tails up in the air. “I swear on my family, who I love very much, that I’ll stand up against Professor Panic, his minions, and evil all over Riverside—and Tokyexico City! I’ll fight for justice, peace, and hope! And I’ll never stop ‘til evil does first!”

The choral music and lights kicked off, accompanied this time by the sounds of LABRAT, the last Panic Pal, and Fursona destroying my apartment. I screwed my eyes shut as something large and wooden crashed against a wall; hopefully, Tokyexico’s insurance or Rocko’s studio was paying for this mess. Bangs and thuds and “Eat [Double Kicks], bot!” came through the door in a muffled, endless wave of sound.

As the last bows and mask secured themselves to my head and I set back down on the pastel-pink green room’s floor, something crashed into the door. I jogged toward it.

<Are you going out there?> Tails asked. <Wait for it.>

“Wait for it? My sidekick is out there!” I half-screamed.

<Wait for it.>

I waited. The unspoken last part of my oath weighed down on me like the blankets just…five minutes ago? Yeah, like the blankets, but less comforting and more oppressive. Crashes, thuds, and rap lyrics filled the air.

Bang!

<Meow!> Tails shouted in my mind.

I pushed the door open. “Don’t fear! Magical Girl Understudy is here! I swear to defend the weak against evil and uphold truth and love!”

[Dramatic Entrance! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[Stylish Reveal! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

My apartment was a war zone. Shattered glass littered the ground, and every window in my living room stood broken in its frame. LABRAT had crushed my coffee table, and its wreckage lay in the hallway next to the front door. Either Fursona had kicked it or LABRAT had tossed it at them. I couldn’t tell. A fire alarm blared, and I could hear Extras from the nearby dorm rooms running down the hall and into the stairwells, but I couldn’t smell smoke except from burning egg splatter in my kitchen.

The robot itself looked worse for wear. No parts were missing, but its minimal armor had been dinged and battered, and its claw arm kept catching as it moved it. My sidekick’s suit was crumpled, and they reached up to adjust their head during the momentary pause.

It only lasted a second.

Fursona hopped across the room and punched the last Panic Pal just as it started up another rap song. It spun out of the empty window frames and crashed into a window below. I heard someone scream. LABRAT turned around, cannon warming up, but I beat the robot to the punch.

“[Bit-Part Barrage]!” As LABRAT’s cannon blast crashed into me, I spun into the air; I was an easy target, but it was too late for the bot to stop my power. Even as the air slammed me into the wall, the power aimed me back the way I’d been facing. The spotlight covered LABRAT; from this distance, it wasn’t hard to hit it with the rippling barrage of bright beams.

The bot’s armor took some of the hits. But not all.

[HP 6/7]

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

Four beams slipped through. One took the massive bot’s claw arm off. Another two burned holes into its leg. And the fourth slammed just below a greenish light on its shoulder.

A chunk of that shoulder flew off toward the window. I blinked incredulously. It was the Lil Pal—the god-damned little robot that Peter had gifted me when I went to college. But…how? I hadn’t finishedthe thing! I dashed toward it, trying to catch it before it could esca—

Bang!

[HP 5/7]

The airburst slammed me into the shattered, battered bathroom door. I caught a glimpse inside as I rolled off it.

Was that…Bianca’s backpack?

“This is my hometown now, and I’m a [Hometown Heroine]!” I shouted. As the blue aura shimmered around me, I dashed toward LABRAT. [Spotlight Strike] highlighted a hip joint, and I kicked the robot. My boot took most of the impact, and the leg popped loose. LABRAT fell forward onto its front side.

[Stylish Strike! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

[Dramatic Assist! +1 Drama Point Pending]

I stared at its back just before Fursona ran up and stomped into the three open docking ports. Its green eyes looked up at me as they faded, and its monotone voice crackled as it said, “I still hate you, Magical Gi…”

The room went silent for just a moment. I took a deep breath, blew it out in a sigh, and started taking another. I had no idea how to explain what had just happened.

Fursona wrapped me in an iron-gripped hug before I could inhale. “Holy crap, Annie! I was so scared, and then I was so worried you wouldn’t get away, and then—are you okay?” They let go of me, and I sucked in a quick breath before they could get me again.

Instead, they reached up to their neck and unhooked their head. A curly black mop of hair, now drenched in sweat, peered out of the neck hole as Fursona—no, Bianca, wrapped me in another crushing hug and gave me a quick, half-panicked kiss. I blushed. The camera drones were having a field day.

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