44 - The Speech and Debate Department

The camera drone’s lens stared me in the face. That’s the only reason I didn’t slam a hand into the shelf. “This was all a fake-out?”

“In fencing class, we call that a feint,” Fursona said. “But this one seems weird. Why would she tell us where she’s going?”

“Lady Lockless doesn’t care if you know,” one Rent-a-Hench said. “She’s miles ahead of you already.”

He started to stand up, but his friend pulled him back down. “J, if you fight after surrendering, all the legal protections go poof, and they can clobber us. Just let Lady Lockless and the others handle the—“

“Shut up! You’re both idiots.” The woman who’d been the paintballer glared at them both. “Quit talking. You’ll clue the heroes in, and if word gets out we do that, we’ll be unhireable.”

I headed for the exit. It didn’t matter that Lady Lockless had told us where she’d be—though I could guess why. She was part of the Episode, and if she wanted style points, she had to make it a good one. My worry wasn’t whether we’d find her or the ‘others’ the henchman had mentioned at the Beaumont Building. It was what we’d find there. What did Lockless have planned? And was it geared for a different heroine? One like Sara-N-Dipity?

I didn’t have time to find out.

Vroom! Crash!

[HP 5/7]

An impact threw me to the asphalt. I stared at a pair of burning yellow headlights as my ribs screamed in protest. Then I rolled to my feet. I wouldn’t be van-bait again! The warehouse door was close. I half-jumped/half-fell through it; Fursona hopped inside a second later, just as the van’s engine revved. I watched it peel out, heading toward campus.

“I hate vans. I hate them so much. No one should ever be allowed to drive a white van again,” I muttered. It hadn’t hurt as much as when ‘S’ hit me, but it still hurt.

That van was gone, but the others weren’t moving yet. I peeked out the window. Other mooks hustled around a van across the service road, tossing boxes and crates inside. “Alright, Fursona, we can’t leave with these vans behind us. We need to stop them, and we need to do it quickly.”

“Got it, Understudy. Justice-Roo is on the job!” Fursona gathered their legs and bounced across the road, landing on the van’s roof with a crunching sound. One of the henchmen looked up, only to receive two kangaroo kicks to the face.

I piled in—metaphorically. “[Stellar Ray]! [Stellar Ray!]” One blast caught a paintball-minion in the chest. A couple of seconds later, the other sniped a sneaky one who’d gotten behind Fursona. I jumped in to help Fursona take out the last mook at the van.

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]

[Dramatic Assist! +1 Drama Point Pending]

The other vans stopped loading boxes. The first took off, flooring it toward the open gate as its passengers ran behind. The other’s driver wasn’t in the seat yet, though the engine was running. “Fursona, keep that seat empty!” I yelled. I wasn’t going to risk another van hit.

With the kangaroo defending the driver’s seat, I dashed around the van, expecting to see a couple of henchmen struggling with a box or something. My eyes widened as I came around the corner and saw a handful of minions, including—

Pop! Pop! Pop pop pop pop pop!

[HP 4/7]

I was not expecting a faceful of paint. Before I could recover, the minions waded in, swinging their nightsticks. I dodged one, eyes blurry. I hadn’t caught as much paint as Fursona had, or the plush suit didn’t handle rubbing it off well. Either way, I could see a little.

Not as much as I wanted to, though. A stick caught me in the side, right under my ribs. I punched the stick-swinger in the stomach, then aimed my wand at the paintballer. [Stellar Ray] nailed him right in the mask.

[HP 3/7]

[Drama Skill Take-Down! +1 Drama Point Pending]

Then I backpedaled. “New plan! Help!”

I activated [Spotlight Strike] on an onrushing mook. As she got close, I karate-chopped her in the throat. She only coughed once, so she must’ve had superhero damage points, but she still fell to the ground dramatically. “No more, please! She made me do it!” I could almost see her smug grin under her helmet.

[Stylish Strike! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

Fursona punched one hard enough that they had to shake the sting out of their hand and the henchman’s mask had a visible dent. I grinned. With a few henchmen down, things felt more in control, and I stopped to admire the kangaroo as they fought. A kick to the chest. A tail trip, then a stomp. And, for the last mook, a punch. And then the fight was over.

I stared at the groaning minions and the snarky paintballer. “You poor people. When will you learn that crime doesn’t pay?”

A henchman snorted. “It pays really well, actually. We only have to hench twice a semester to pay room and board. Three times if you heroes interfere like—ow!” He rubbed his helmet where his co-worker had smacked him.

“Fine. Crime pays. But it’s not good!” I sighed, stretching. “You stay here and wait for the cops. If I see any of you on campus tonight, I’ll assume you’re hostile again, and I won’t be merciful.”

Then I started running toward the Beaumont Building. Fursona hopped past me, then lengthened the gap. I wished I had [Starwave Sail], but it was too late. I was stuck with what I had for the Episode. Which meant running…or…

“The itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout…” I started.

Fursona turned around and stared as I kept going. “What are you doing, Understudy?”

“…and washed the spider out…”

“No, seriously, that’s ridiculous!”

“…and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again!”

[Rejuvenation Activated: Hit Points 6/7]

I dropped a foot as I finished transforming into Magical Girl Rainy Day. Fursona stood there, silent, for a moment. Then they started laughing.

“Holy [Beep], Understudy! When did you get that? Ahahahahaha!”

“Shut up!” I flushed red in embarrassment, but the deed was done. My sidekick knew about my little secret. “This is the Magical Girl Rainy Day costume.”

“Nah, I’m gonna call you Squirt!”

“No!” I stomped a foot before realizing it made me look even more my ‘age.’ I ducked a paw that was going for a hair ruffle. “I’m feeling [Light as Vapor]!”

A moment later, I regretted not having [Starwave Sail] even more! I could fly as fast as Fursona could hop, but I couldn’t control it. Not well, at least. My sailboard cut through the air, and its handling made sense. But I should be able to turn on a dime as a hoverer. Instead, I bobbed through the air like a balloon.

The Cloud’s parents had a kid leash for him. Maybe I needed one for Fursona to drag me around with.

We arrived at the Beaumont Building, and I landed on shaking, wobbly legs. I dashed for the door, but with kid-sized legs, I couldn’t beat Fursona there. They opened the unlocked door, and we stepped inside.

“Can I help you, miss?” A secretary asked, looking at me with a puzzled expression. I opened my mouth to say something, but Fursona got there first.

“Superhero business, sir. Please stay calm. Which floor is the Speech and Debate Department?”

“Uh, Floor Seven,” he said, unable to tear his eyes off the kangaroo. Fursona thanked him, and we headed for an open elevator.

“What do you think she’s doing here, anyway?” Fursona asked.

“At the Speech and Debate department? I dunno.” I closed my eyes as the elevator took us up. What would she need there? Didn’t she have Monologue for all the speech stuff? Wait. Was Monologue covering for a heist or something? But that still didn’t explain what Lady Lockless wanted to steal. Or what there was to steal there.

The elevator door dinged and opened. I took a look around at a familiar-looking hallway. I’d been here before. So had Fursona—the Department of Superhero Studies’ offices were to the left, and the sign said Speech and Debate was to the right. No one should be in the building on a Saturday. I doubted the secretary would have let us up if we hadn't been superheroes.

I turned the corner.

“Boss, someone’s here. Yeah, I’ll take care of them. You keep doing what you’re doing,” a voice said. I looked, expecting a henchman.

It wasn’t a henchman. A student in a black costume with orange racing stripes stepped into the hall in front of us. Red-orange sparks danced across his knuckles as he popped them, and he grinned. “So, heroes, you caught on to our plans and found Lady Lockless’s [Calling Card] and note. Wonderful! You did so well. But your story ends here. I can’t let you get to the boss before she finishes up in there, so it’s time for you to burn.”

“Who are you again?” I asked. I didn’t really care, but I needed him out of the way so we could get back to job-hunting.

“I’m Flare.” He got on the radio again. “Boss, one of them’s a little girl. You’re sure I need to fight them?”

“Oh. I thought you were Monologue for a second there,” I interrupted.

“Nevermind, boss. I’m gonna kick their [Beep]!”

Flare sprinted at us, sparks ripping across his super-suit as he dashed down the hall. He leaped into the air and swung his fist back. I tried to dodge, but he was so fast! I flinched back as the fist headed straight for my face. It made contact with the bridge of my nose. I felt it hit. I felt the almost instant explosion as his sparks detonated.

[Cloudy Disposition Triggered Damage Negated. Cooldown: 0:30]

[Stood Your Ground! +1 Tough Point Pending]

From behind me, Flare growled in anger. “That shoulda fried you!” He’d traveled through me instead of hitting me, sparing me the damage. At least, the physical damage. A tear ran down my face, and an intrusive thought filled my head. He’d attacked me because he didn’t like me. He thought I was annoying. I was annoying!

I tried to push it down, but it came out as a sob. “Why do you hate me?”

Fursona jumped into action, [Double Kicking] Flare and sending him crashing into a water fountain. They waited a beat too long for their quip, though. “Time to cool down, Flare!”

“Ugh!”

“What, Squirt? Didn’t like that pun?” Fursona asked. They looked at me just in time to take a spark-filled punch from Flare. Their fursuit took some of the flare-up. The explosion still hit, though, and they staggered from it.

Clearly, we couldn’t mess around with Flare. He wasn’t as powerful as Theseus or as flexible as Gourmet, but his gimmick hit hard! Luckily, I had something that hit hard now, too.

Still sniffling, I jumped into the air, letting [Light as Vapor]carry me toward him. I bounced off the ceiling tiles and into a wall, but I got there. “It’s time to [Ride the Lightning], Flare!” I shouted.

He didn’t have anywhere to go. Or he couldn’t get moving quickly enough.

Either way, the blue-yellow lightning tendrils caught him, coursing across his skin. He flashed three times, looking like a cartoon character getting shocked, and then the electricity stopped. He twitched, then shook it off.

[Electric Lightshow! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]

It hadn’t stopped him—superhero damage had gotten in the way—but he turned to me. “Fine. You’re next.”

His explodey fist slammed into my chin. This time, [Cloudy Disposition] didn’t activate. The explosion threw my small body across the hall and into a door labeled ‘Professor Alan East, Chiropterology.’

[HP 5/7]

[HP 4/7]

My jaw burned. I wanted to cry some more, not from [Cloudy Disposition], but from the embers burning against my cheeks. He hit a kid? For two points of damage? I wondered how many [Ride the Lightning] did.

Apparently, enough. Flare stepped back, away from Fursona and me. His shoulder muscle twitched, and his suit had holes fried through it where the lightning had touched it. “I’ll rise [From the Ashes], and we’ll fight again,” he said. Flames licked across his outfit, repairing my lightning storm’s damage. He ran down the hall, gathering speed and skidding on the tile as he rounded the corner.

A fire sprinkler went off, and an alarm howled for a minute before something overrode both. Fursona and I followed Flare. If we were lucky, he’d lead us straight toward his boss, Lady Lockless!

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