36 - Steal ALL the Honey!

Cloud gasped. “Miss Understuffy! Pranky Jones wants to steal all the honey!”

Seriously? I tried not to roll my eyes at the kid. His eyes were so big, so worried. But every single Professor Panic plot felt more dangerous than this ridiculousness. Rated-G Episodes were so painfully…wholesome. “I know, The Cloud. What do you think we should do?”

There I was, asking a four-year-old for advice on camera.

On the other hand, The Cloud had experience with Pranky Jones, or at least with other Anti-Naptime League members.

“Let’s go get him!” The Cloud took off, floating down the hall.

Well, that wasn’t going to work. I grabbed his foot, pulling him down to the ground. “Watch out for, um, pranks, okay? Jones might have left them around.” I tapped on the near-invisible [Shrink-Wrap Surprise] in the door. It bounced back and forth, slapping into my hand.

[HP 3/6]

“Ow! Really?” Shaking my hand helped with the sting, but why would Pranky Jones make something hurt so much? He was playing a role with kids!

“Are you okay, Miss Understuffy?” When I nodded, The Cloud ducked under the [Shrink-Wrap Surprise] and waved for me to follow. Beyond the door frame, the hallway seemed empty of traps, but I opened the door to the main area carefully all the same. It was a good thing I did because even more red Solo cups clattered to the ground. I shut the door and waited for the sounds to stop.

“I like stopping Jungle Jim more,” The Cloud said suddenly. “He’s not sneaky. Just big.”

“Yeah. My old rival was sneaky, and he liked robots a lot.” The cups stopped falling. A second later, the door opened from the other side.

Fursona’s head poked through. “Hey, Understudy. Was your beehive missing honey frames, too?”

“Yeah.” The Cloud spoke up first. “He’s gonna steal all the honey, and then the bees will get hungry this winter, just like Miss Honeycomb says. Someone has to help!”

Honeycomb waved from her circle spot by the ball pit. “We will. But first, let’s go over what we learned about bees today. Have a seat, Playpen Patrol!”

“Playpen Patrol, go!” The Cloud joined his friends and ran to the circle. I wandered behind him, watching as he threw himself onto the rubber-tiled floor and sat on the blue square. Milkbar got red, Outlet yellow, and Kid Zoomies orange. They stared at Honeycomb.

The bee girl cleared her throat. “Okay, Patrollers! How do bees make honey?”

Fursona sidled up to me, tail swishing agitatedly. “We need to talk away from the kids.”

I followed them back toward the front. The Narrator sat there, drinking a coffee and reading a newspaper. She looked at us, shook her head, and returned to the article. The top headline read ‘Megafauna Sightings on the Rise: Analysts Say Man vs. Nature Five Soon.’

I hadn’t been powerful enough for Man vs. Wild Four. I’d just gotten my powers, and Riverside was out of the way enough that even with a Man vs. Wild happening, a couple of Ronin had been sufficient to keep us safe. Rocko had forbidden us from Episodes for the duration, though, and I’d been thankful for the break—and the Ronin protection. I was looking forward to finally being able to protect myself, even if it was only a little bit.

“I asked Outlet a few questions when she wasn’t trying to stick her tongue into electric plugs. That girl’s a nightmare to babysit. But yeah, questions,” Fursona said. “I guess the beehives aren’t new or anything. Tottergarten’s had them as long as she could remember. And, according to her, Honeycomb’s always here. I don’t know for sure, but this screams ‘lair’ to me. Or ‘secret base,’ or something.

“There’s more, though.” The kangaroo fidgeted with their paws and bounced on the balls of their feet. “Outlet said Honeycomb hasn’t missed an evening in like two weeks. She’s not getting out there and fighting Jumper. She’s just staying here and doing kids’ Episodes over and over.”

“Is she trying to train?” I asked. “Sure, she could earn some Style Points, but it doesn’t seem very efficient.”

“Ahem,” The Narrator cleared her throat and looked over the top of her newspaper. “You two need to get back in there. I won’t make you…yet…but Honeycomb should finish her lesson in the next minute. Small brains need small bites of knowledge.”

“We’ll figure this out after,” I said. But something felt…off. I’d almost returned to the circle when it hit me; if Honeycomb wasn’t looking for Jumper, she couldn’t follow through on our deal! I scowled a little. We were going to have words later.

“And if the bees don’t have honey, they get sick over the winter. Bees need food to grow strong just like people do,” Honeycomb said. “So we have to help the bees. Right, Understudy?”

“…Right.” I unballed my fists. I hadn’t realized how angry I felt. I’d run out of time, and I needed Honeycomb to help me out here, but I couldn’t ignore the current Episode either. “What do we do here?”

“We go outside!”

“Yeah, outside! Pranky Jones always hides outside!”

“It’s playground time!”

The kids sprinted to the door, popped it open, and started screaming as a bucket of water on a string upended itself on them.

“Be careful,” Honeycomb admonished them. “Pranky Jones has all sorts of mean pranks!”

Milkbar nodded thoughtfully and made a show of tip-toeing out the door. I tried hard not to facepalm as the camera drone followed him toward a gigantic play structure with slides and ramps. A handful of red tricycles sat parked everywhere, and half-buried action figures dotted the sandbox.

More importantly, a wooden bucket filled with golden liquid sat on the concrete, and a ridiculous-looking car idled near the fence’s gate. It honked its horn, piercing the evening quiet with its duck-quack, and a hulking figure got out of the back. “Jones, you finished here?”

“Yeah, no, boss. I’ve just gotten started. Do you know how much honey a regular-sized beehive makes in a year? Forty-five pounds of the stuff. And this place ain’t average. Is Teacher’s Pet coming with the truck? We’re gonna need it!”

“No, you’re not, Pranky Jones! Playpen Pals, go!” Milktoast yelled.

“Playpen Pals, go!”

Pranky Jones found himself under adorable attack from all four pint-sized heroes. The camera drone followed their fight as electricity arced through the air, and a bright orange streak ran around, cleaning up pranks and traps almost as fast as Pranky Jones could cast them. Almost.

But I had bigger problems—much, much bigger ones.

Another pair of villains exited the car. Though smaller than the massive one, they towered over the toddlers fighting Jones, and both they and the massive one started running toward the fight.

“And so the adult superheroes distracted Jungle Jim, Trike Mike, and Felicia Fire!”

= = = = =

I dashed toward the three villains. Unfortunately for me, the big one headed straight to me. It looked like it’d be a solo melee fight against…

“Are you…Brick House?”

“Shut up, kid. I used to be, but now I’m Jungle Jim!” The gigantic, red-haired clown’s make-up didn’t do much to conceal who he’d been—a mid-tier major leaguer famous for being indestructible. I thanked The Narrator mentally for making sure this fight was rigged.

A massive fist flew my way, whizzing through the air as Jungle Jim grunted. I ducked under it, then jumped the kick that followed. Jungle Jim may have been massive, but I was much faster than him.

I let one more punch sail past my head. Then it was time to earn some points. I needed Silly and Sad points—Flamboyance and Drama, maybe? “[Spotlight Strike]!”

The spotlight zipped up to Jim’s shoulder, so I punched there. The big villain grunted, then rolled his eyes. “Gonna have to do better, Magic Gal!” Not much better, though. I’d made contact, and Jim had felt it.

[Funny Damage! +1 Silly Point for Later]

He roared and rushed toward me, fists swinging, so I ducked and dodged while trying to get some distance. One hit, spinning me in a circle. My skirt flared as I dropped to a knee and put a hand on the ground to stabilize myself.

[HP 2/6]

Huh. For a Rated-G Episode, I’d taken a lot of damage. And I had a feeling that going Lab Assistant Panic was out. The Narrator would reset me; if she didn’t, the villains might not appreciate me stepping on their toes. They had a good thing going here, after all.

“Jungle Jim, huh? More like Junk-el Jim!”

I waited for the pun damage to set in.

“That only works on Pranky, Magic Gal! His [Joke Joust] makes him vulnerable to them. But sticks and stones won’t break my bones, and words can never hurt me!”

He kept swinging, and I activated [Spotlight Strike] and hit back. The Style System went nuts.

[Funny Damage! +1 Silly Point for Later]

[Funny Damage! +1 Silly Point for Later]

[HP 1/6]

[Tough Girl! +1 Tough Point for Later]

[Funny Damage! +1 Silly Point for Later]

[HP 0/6]

[Tough Girl! +1 Tough Point for Later]

[Funny Damage! +1 Silly Point for Later]

I disengaged, panting for breath. Jungle Jim barely looked winded, though, and I’d taken a beating. After all, he’d been a major leaguer, and his Grit had to be through the roof. Even if the gigantic man wasn’t more than a punching bag, I couldn’t afford to stay in close.

So I dashed for the play structure, spinning and firing off a [Stellar Ray] as I ran. It hit Jungle Jim, doing about as much good as my fists and feet had, but at least he couldn’t hit back.

[You Hurt Someone! +1 Sad Point for Later]

With a second to catch my breath, I took stock. Fursona and Honeycomb were both losing, but not badly. More importantly, Pranky Jones lay on the ground, swarmed down by the kids. He tried dramatically to lift his arms, but Milktoast had them pinned. Then he said the most important words of the night.

“Stop! I give up! I’ll give the honey back!”

Jungle Jim stopped picking up a tricycle to throw at me. “Alright, Playpen Patrol, you’ve won this round! But the Anti-Naptime League will be back! Mike, Felicia, we’re leaving!” He jogged back toward his car. Felicia slid into the passenger seat, Mike into the driver’s, and they took off.

Leaving Pranky Jones behind.

“What do we do with him?” Fursona asked. I wasn’t sure. Usually, the winning side would wait for the cops to show up. But in toddler Episodes, did we need the police? Everything had been so scripted. Even my fight with Jungle Jim hadn’t felt out of control. I wasn’t sure he’d even used a Power during it.

“Finally, Pranky Jones and the Anti-Naptime League had been defeated. The Playpen Patrol and its heroes gathered for one last lesson.”

= = = = =

We’d all assembled by the ball pit. A handful of parents waited nearby, and the toddler heroes couldn’t stop yawning. Luckily for them, the camera drone seemed entirely focused on Honeycomb and Pranky Jones.

“…and I’m sorry for trying to steal the bees’ honey. Now that I know they need most of it, I’ll leave them alone and come to you when it’s harvest time instead,” Jones said. He smiled sadly at the camera. “I’ll be back, though! You’ll see!”

“I’m sure you will, Pranky Jones. But until that happens, think about what you’ve done, and remember that sticky fingers aren’t sweet!”

We all laughed, the Episode ended, and I felt myself in control again.

[Episode Finished!]

[Episode: Short: The Playpen Pals and Honeycomb Save the Bees! - G]

[Penalties: N/A]

[Short Finished! +3 of each Style Point]

[Winner Winner! +2 of each Style Point]

[Role Focus: Silly > Sad - Goal met! +20 Focused Style Points]

[Alias - Understudy] [Archetype - Magical Girl] [Community Rank - 473/523]

[HP 0/6]

[Styles and Skills]

►Archetype Skill - Transformation Sequence

►Badass (lvl 0; 34)

►Cunning (lvl 2; 18)

► Inkling 1

►Drama (lvl 3; 28)

►  Stellar Ray 1

►Flamboyance (lvl 3; 44)

►Signature Skill - Adaptive Armoire

►Stored Costumes: (Lab Assistant Panic)

►Starwave Sail 1

►Spotlight Strike 1

►Grit (lvl 1; 47)

► Rejuvenation 1

Well, I hadn’t earned any rolls, and that was disappointing, but at least I had a win. Maybe it’d be enough for Sara-N-Dipity.

The Playpen Patrol’s parents (say that ten times fast!) took their kids, and Honeycomb, Fursona, and I stood alone by the ball pit. None of us said anything for a moment. Then I cleared my throat and scowled.

“Do you know where Jumper is?”

Honeycomb looked miserable. She couldn’t even look me in the eye; instead, she just stared at her feet. All my annoyance at her vanished, especially when she started talking.

“Um…about that…”

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