Happier

It's been a while since I've made one of these sad girl art posts.

So I never really talked about my recent relationship because I enjoyed our privacy. And part of it was because I think I knew from the start that this person was too good to be true. Pretty much perfect in every single way and I was afraid to get too attached at first. But when I fell, I DOVE IN. Being with him made me realize how much I settled in the past. Every effort he made to make me happy was done flawlessly. Every laugh he made me have was probably the most I've done in years. I honestly can't see myself being with anyone who makes me feel any less than how he made me. Even though I'm pretty self confident on my own, he just kept adding to my happiness and always knew how to make me feel supported, cared for, and loved in a way that I didn't think any one ever has before. I never wanted to fall in love again and to be honest he is the second guy I ever truly loved fully and completely out of my whole rogue's gallery of past loves. One of the only people I ever saw a future with ever. It will be a long time before I feel anything remotely close to this feeling again.

I knew we would eventually end. We were 1400 miles a part and he needed more physical contact. Not in the sexual way, but to express love sensually. It's hard to be with someone if you can't truly love them the way you want to fully. I can't be mad at him for ending it. I can't really be upset about it. I just have to sit through the pain of it all. Accepting it has been a journey but knowing that he has moved on and that there is someone else living the life with him I wanted has been the hardest. And the thought that even if it's not him in the end, surely it will be someone else. I can't help but be happy for his happiness, but I also can't help being hurt by it. I think the worst kind of heartbreak is when you know that no one is wrong for it ending. It just ends. There's no good guy or bad guy. It just needed to happen.

Like I said before, Iove is not a priority in my life. I wasn't looking for it when I found him, and I'm not really looking for it after him. If it comes it comes, if not I'm perfectly fine with being on my own. But I know I will always remember the love we got to share.

We could've worked. Had there been more patience, I probably would've eventually moved to him. As I plan my own future, I don't see me staying around where I currently am much longer. But asking someone to wait for you is selfish. Denying someone the chance of happiness is selfish. So I move on. Even though there is a large part of me wanting to reach out to him and fight for the future I want, I'm also holding myself back from it. Even if it breaks me a little each time. 

HENCE THE ART.
That loooooong explanation is why I made this piece. It's just how I feel about it all.
I love him enough to let him go but it hurts to do so. I hope that you're happy, but I don't want him to be happier than when he was with me.

"I hope you're happy, but don't be happier."