Let's talk about 272. (spoilers)
Added 2024-04-23 21:15:43 +0000 UTCOkay, so for a long time now, I've been trying to nudge Solaris and Perry into conflict, and took a huge step forward towards that end today.
Insomuch as it's still 'Solaris' I guess.
The 3 primary concerns as they were relayed to me in the comments were:
#1 It seemed rushed.
#2 a deus ex that she got her hands on the serum at all/got past security.
#3 Wasted previous chapters
I'm going to try to spend tomorrow massaging the chapter and adding more context around how Truthslayer got him alone, why security around him might not have been tighter, and how she acquired the serum.
But it's still probably going to play out similarly, because that was always my intention, leaving me stressed about how I can address issue #3.
I've had 2 different ways Solaris can go off the deep end in my head the entire time I've been writing, and today I picked one:
#1: Solaris wins the fight with the mimic, goes crazy assuming if his Grandaughter was turned then everyone must be and starts vaporizing everyone.
#2 Solaris loses the fight and gets turned into a mimic and proceeds to convert the majority of the high level heroes of Franklin City.
I picked #2 because I have a way in mind to...put everything back to normal...more or less. There will still be a big fight and lots of ass kicking (hopefully), but things CAN be turned around based on things that have been established in the last eight chapters...I think.
So I'm hoping you'll give me the benefit of the doubt and let me take us on this trip.
All that being said, any ideas of things I could add/alter to help address issue #1 and #2 would be tremendously helpful.
I think #3 will sort itself out as things progress.
My current plan is to add a vignette added to the beginning of 272 that details a bit of how Truthslayer got the serum, and the reasoning of why security around Solaris is light. (It's because they don't trust anything to not be a mimic and are mostly relying on security through obscurity.)
As always, I'm happy to hear what you guys have to say.
Comments
Listen, it’s your story and I only ever wanna read the story you were gonna write. That’s why I subscribed to the Patreon and that’s why, as jarring as this chapter is (it felt like a lot changed in very few sentences for sure), if it’s the ISM you’re writing, it’s the one I wanna read! You’ve taken us this far and I believe you’ll take us somewhere great. Also, some folks don’t seem to realize that character development, the growth of people portrayed, is still valuable if those people are gone. I feel them to a degree but in the end it wasn’t a waste to portray people growing and learning, even if the world still squashed them in the end. That’s life.
Ziggoid
2024-04-29 07:09:43 +0000 UTCI would have preferred if someone snatching the vials had been foreshadowed. Even if we didn’t know precisely why, just some hint that it happened or was possible would have set this up sufficiently to not feel rushed. And even if we didn’t even know vials were snatched exactly, just something odd happening and then being glossed over or waved away would both set this up as well as help sell the vials being stolen - it would show how overconfident and or rushed Perry was. And it feels a bit much for him to be able to snatch the vials from under Perry’s nose without any sort of outside help. Not only not being noticed by Paradox, but also surviving and circumventing Paradox technology. It raised my eyebrow, if I’m being honest. The main issue, to me, is him doing it alone. Complementary support from one or more others and/or outside assistance would sell it to me. Something like someone else to sneak him in somehow and maybe a piece of technology or magic to give him just a little leeway with surviving the incinerator would be much more believable in my mind. But it’s fine. I never felt like it invalidated any of these previous chapters, for instance. The vials just manifesting themselves out of the ether like that was a little jarring, is all.
Jacob keaton
2024-04-25 04:17:20 +0000 UTC
