Chapter 129: Just a Sweet Little Girl

***Baroke***

“Now the key to catching a greased horker is dirt,” Baroke said confidently to the princess at the station beside his, rubbing the sand of the arena onto his hands as he eyed the prize. “Gotta slough off the grease with plenty of dirt, otherwise you won’t get traction. It’s a matter of wearing the grease down. Let other people go after it the first couple times.

The rich girl with the scar up her brow bent down and covered her hands with sand, too. She was serious about winning, but she wasn’t Baroke.

There’s no way anyone else is going to win this one, Baroke thought, giving the horker a look. I’m going to eat you, you tasty little bastard.

Well, if this contest is anything like the ones in Deinos, where they end the celebration by eating the horker…It seems like a lot of Deinos celebrations end with eating the entertainment.

As it turned out, the contest was nothing like the one in Deinos.

“Ready!”

Baroke crouched down.

“Set!”

Baroke balanced on the balls of his feet, ready to spring forward.

“Go!”

Everything turned white.

***Calvin***

“Well, that doesn’t seem to be in the spirit of the game,” Calvin said through his mouthpiece as the arena erupted into full-on war.

The Legends had all individually come to the conclusion that any one of them could easily catch the horker with their superhuman abilities, and instead decided to first eliminate the competition.

Baroke, as the winner of the last round, received special attention, as a lightning bolt struck him in the chest the instant the announcer declared the start of the game, followed by a blast of wind so strong he was flung into the stands.

Calvin motioned his attendant to lean close.

“Disqualify Grabnar for this event and send someone over there to make sure his heart is still beating, double time.” The young Uleisan nodded and started sprinting down the stands.

The people who’d ranked third and fourth, Shelia and the electromancer, seemed to have created an imprompteau team and immediately tossed the winner of the last round out.

That electromancy is neat. It seems like he can’t just summon lightning out of nothing, he’s got to run a magnetic field past a copper coil to generate it first. I wonder how he aims it? Some kind of fine-tune air control?

One of the less confident Legends made a break for the horker, trying to end the competition by actually competing as they were meant to.

He was interrupted halfway to the squealing creature by a woman bearing what seemed to be a miniature harp.

She strummed a few notes and the man’s legs broke out from under him, dropping him to the ground, screaming in the dirt.

Huh, what is that?

Sonomancy maybe? If I’m not mistaken she’s altering sound to match resonant frequencies to make things explode.

What’s that mean?

She can make your bones rattle so hard they break inside you.

Neat.

I guarantee you it’s not comfortable.

The woman was wearing a colorful full body dress made of heavy cloth that marked her as a one of the people who dwelt in the plains far to the northeast.

She had been taken out of play relatively early in the last game by rushing in too quickly, but this time she was playing to last.

She stayed near the edges of the arena, keeping her head on a swivel, watching the horker and her sides for anyone that might try to remove the competition.

She got three other contestants before they started paying attention to her, unfortunately, it didn’t help much. Once they started chasing her, she started running away, stalling long enough to get them to give up or rattle their bones until they couldn’t move.

I’ll call her rattlebones.

Ella pulled away from the horker as soon as she noticed that chasing it wasn’t the object of the game. Several people went to take her out of the competition, since she’d gotten second place in the last game, but they all wound up bruised and bloody, collapsed into the arena sand like ragdolls.

Eventually it was down to Ella, Shelia, Rattlebones, and The Electromancer, all standing there, staring each other down.

Calvin’s attendant leaned in close. “Grabnar is still alive and he seems lucid. He says he’s hungry.”

Calvin relaxed a few muscles he didn’t know he’d been tensing, his shoulders drooping.

“Get him a grilled horker, cheese and pickle sandwich…and for the rest of the disqualified contestants too, why not?”

Calvin’s attendant ran away again. I could get used to having an attendant. Then again, that’s kinda what Nadia is anyway. Maybe a less evil one.

When Calvin looked back, Ella and rattlebones had formed a team to beat the electromancer and Shelia.

Why would you do that? Calvin thought as he watched the fight play out. Ella must not have realized it, but she was largely immune to both the electromancer and Shelia’s blasts. Everyone except rattlebones, really.

Helping rattlebones was like putting a target on your back.

I think she doesn’t realize metal is grounding against electricity, and that resonance doesn’t care so much about your skin. I blame her education.

Ella’s ignorance about the strengths and weaknesses of magic played out in gruesome detail as she held off Shelia long enough for Rattlebones to beat the electromancer, who was pressed into a bad spot, since he couldn’t afford to beat rattlebones until she beat Ella.

As soon as the electromancer was down, rattlebones switched things up and backstabbed Ella, breaking her legs with a strong thrum of her harp.

Then it was down to Shelia and Rattlebones, and the explosions were fast and furious, with Shelia constantly changing the air pressure between the two of them to blunt the effects of rattlebones abilities.

Eventually, Shelia managed to overwhelm her opponent through sheer magic, driving the Plainswoman into the wall of the arena with explosion after explosion until the woman went limp.

Finally Sheila put an explosion behind the horker, launching it into her arms.

“Looks like my daughter is the favorite to win so far.”

“Huh?” Calvin asked, glancing over at the hook-nosed crown prince. He didn’t think of crown princes as grey haired schemers, but he supposed that was what happened, more often than not.

He’d been distracted by watching his friends get hurt.

He didn’t like it.

Calvin had pushed them into playing a game they had a chance of taking real damage in, for nothing more than a joke.

I could have just given them the things I baited them with. Calvin thought, scratching his head. It wasn’t even like the tournament was going to be able to have a conclusion, since he was interrupting it right in the middle.

What in the abyss am I doing?

“Kurawe?” The crown prince asked his chained spirit.

Give me a reason to leave. Calvin instructed.

“I’m out of fried gulper bits.” Kurawe said, smacking him upside the head again. “Go get some more, you little pest.”

“Yes sir, right away sir,” Calvin said, kowtowing before he ran off. Being a little girl servant was mostly to his advantage. He was socially invisible, especially to men like Farren and Polluq. He’d used One of the Guys at a school, coming up with this disguise. A perfectly lovely little girl.

Didn’t him from getting weird looks and the wrong attention from the occasional weirdo, though.

A smelly rag-covered, grimy old man caught Calvin by the shoulder as he was sprinting down the hall, giving him a gaptoothed grin.

“Where are you going to quick, sweetheart? Lose your parents?”

A knife slid out of Calvin’s palm and he held it to the drunkard’s nose. The man’s eyes widened.

“I will gut you, old man.” Calvin said, his words serious, but his voice that of a child.

The man let go, backing away with his palms up.

“Easy now, I just –“ Calvin didn’t stick around to listen to the rest of his excuses, turning and running at full tilt, aiming for the sick ward, where everyone was recovering after that disaster of a game.

Calvin made in in a matter of minutes, and was surprised to find Ella, Rattlebones and Shelia standing next to each other and talking like friends.

Emphasis on standing! It seemed as though Ella’s broken legs were healed. She didn’t sport any visual bruises or anything.

What’s going on?

“Remember, the fracture in your leg isn’t gone, it’s just patched by a slow dissolving illusion, same with the bruises. You’ll be good to fight for the rest of the day, but you’re going to ache for a week or so afterwards as your body heals. It’ll feel like growing pains. Understood?”

Calvin’s attention was drawn to an out-of place Ilethan giving one of the contestants a warning with a tone of voice that said he’d given it a thousand times before.

The healed man nodded and hesitantly put weight on his legs before bouncing up and down a bit, a small smile coming to his face.

“Thank you doctor.”

“Take it easy on those legs for a month or so. Next!” The ilethan said.

The contestant gave Rattlebones a sour look and went to sit down at the hastily constructed table full of grilled cheese and horker sandwiches.

That’s where I remember him! Calvin realized a moment later, eyes widening. That’s the illusionist guy who shut down the System!

Where!? Get him! Kick his ass!

Calm down, nobody knows who I am. Calvin thought glancing over at Ella. Ella was staring at him.

Oh, right, I forgot, she’s got that Guya sense.

Calvin waved for her to be patient and headed toward Baroke, who was devouring a plate full of sandwiches, a big black scorch mark on the front of his chest.

“Sorry about getting you struck by lightning.” Calvin said, sliding into the seat across from him.

“Why, are you the one who did it?” Baroke asked with a frown, glancing over at the electromancer who seemed to be meditating between rounds.

“I coulda sworn it was him…” he said, continuing to shovel food into his mouth.

“It’s Calvin.” Calvin said.

Baroke raised an eyebrow. “Calvin? You’re a lot younger and girlier than I remember.

“It’s a disguise, obviously.” Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

“Right, the shapeshifting thing…So what’s up?”

“You don’t have to participate in the tournament. There isn’t even going to be a winner.”

“I know,” Baroke said between bites.

“You know?”

“Yeah, your copy told us about the plan to kidnap all the princesses in the second half.”

Calvin frowned, cocking his head to the side. “What copy, and who’s us?”

Baroke held up a finger between bites and sucked greasy cheese off his thumb.

“Me, Ella, and Matthias.”

“Who’s Matthias?”

“That guy.” Baroke said, pointing at the Ilethan illusionist who’d nearly killed him.

“How the…” Calvin shook his head. “You know what. Tell me the whole story, from the beginning.”

“Alright, but there isn’t much time until the obstacle course.”

“Are you enjoying this?” Calvin asked, frowning.

“Of course. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time,” Baroke said, wiping the scorch mark off his chest to reveal unblemished skin. “They don’t have anything that can hurt me.”

“And here I was worried about you.” Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

“What about me?” Ella’s voice came from behind him before her arms wrapped around Calvin’s little girl body and ensconced him between her breasts. “Weren’t you worried about me?”

“Yes, I was worried about you, damnit.”

His brain had experienced a huge hiccup when he’d seen her legs collapse out from under her, and he was more than a little upset at Rattlebones.

“Excellent.” Calvin could tell she was grinning, even though he couldn’t see her face form his current vantage.

“Where’s the first Mujenan, and the rest of the company?” Calvin asked, dangling from Ella’s arms as she picked him up.

“Grant has them holed up at the border.” Baroke said.

“Who’s this little one?” The Ilethan asked, approaching them.

“Oh this?” Baroke said, pointing at Calvin. “This is my retarded half-sister who likes eating dirt and singing old show tunes. Isn’t that right?”

“Eat a dick.” Calvin said. “Ella, turn me.”

“I,” Calvin said as Ella turned him to face the illusionist. “Am the current ruler of Uleis, and I wish to hire you.”

“Let me guess, with my very own library, a generous grant for studying whatever I want, and a mansion next to Suppan’s?”

“Ummm…If that’s your price.” Calvin said, frowning.

The guy seemed like he was a couple steps ahead of Calvin already.

Oh right, the copy. How did that happen?

“It is. I take it you’re that shapeshifter we fought at Murak’s mansion.”

“It actually wasn’t his mansion,” Calvin said, crossing his arms above Ella’s hands wrapped around his tummy. “He was just borrowing it.”

“Fascinating,” The ilethan said, pulling out a faint blue monocle and holding it to his eye as he scanned Calvin up and down. “There’s not a speck of Bent construct or illusion on you…but those floating bits are interesting.”

“Enough about my floaty bits. I want to –“

“Sorry,” The Ilethan said, putting his monocle away and stepping back. “I’m not a fan of helping with regime changes. I like to keep my head down. And attached. Besides, your clone already hired me. Said I didn’t have to tell you what for, and you still have to pay me upon services rendered.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Calvin said. “How would that – But – “

I vote we go back to the beating his ass idea. He can’t take us without his friends around, and he probably doesn’t have a lot of Bent left, either.

“You’re not going to try to stop the…’event’ this afternoon, are you?” Calvin asked.

“The only thing I was hired to do here was keep the tournament going when you people are going around shattering each other’s bones with reckless abandon. I’m not going to do anything. No, Kate’s the one who’s been hired to stab Kurawe in the back of the head after your little kidnapping heist goes down.”

“Does everybody know about the kidnapping?” Calvin asked incredulously, shaking his head. “Wait, hired by who?”

“She didn’t say,” Matthias said, picking up a plate and taking a sandwich from the line cook tossing them out. “But I’d imagine it’s probably going to be whoever gloats the most after the deed is done.”

“Fair enough. Ella, put me down. I need to go watch people’s plans go up in flames and return their gloating as they despair.”

“I want to too…” Ella sighed, setting him down.

“I know,” Calvin patted her side. “I’ll send someone for you after the obstacle course.”

“Awesome!” Ella clenched her fists with savage glee before she recovered. “Do you really feel like this?”

“All the time.” Calvin said before sprinting out of the infirmary, aiming for the food stands. He snatched up a bucket of crispy bits and made his way back to the royal stands, flashing his badge when they tried to stop him.

“Took long enough,” Kurawe said when he arrived, cuffing him and snatching the bucket out of Calvin’s hands.

Turned out the man’s acting skills were even better than Calvin’s. All of his enemies thought he was Calvin wearing a fat-suit.