Chapter 104: Miss Behavior

“Alright, here’s what I’ve got.”

Show me the list.

Roll that beautiful bean footage.

What?

Meditation has reached level 25! Please choose two from the list of Abilities and mutations

Abilities:

Disconnect: Allows the user to disconnect from their senses and the flow of time.

Sherl*ck vision: Plan your moves out in advance with a solid sense of the near future.

Buddha Body: User requires Correction/2 % less food and water to sustain themselves.

^Editor’s second choice for surviving a thousand years of imprisonment.

Old Cliché: Meditation reverses apparent aging at Correction% time spent Meditating. Minimum age 19 for men, 12 for women.

^It’s gross, but I don’t make the Cliché’s.

I.E. at Meditation 40, 200% correction, 1 hour meditating =2 hours younger. No free rides here, people.

Hyperbolic Time Chamber: Correction% X perceived time flow in Shadowboxing. Shadowboxing upgrade.

I.E. @ 125%, 1 hour =1.25 hours, not 2.25

^Shadowboxing Upgrade that’s over nine thousand!

Macro: store any move or series of actions made in shadowboxing with a duration of Meditation/10 seconds or less. Trigger at will. 1 move per five levels of Meditation. Bent Costs paid separately. Shadowboxing upgrade.

^copy your best high-kick! Or your best come-on, you know, however it goes.

Sleep When You’re Dead: Meditation Substitutes for sleep at Correction/2.

^ This includes Medi-tate, and Shadowboxing, but not Eye of the Tiger, as it actively drains mental energy. 1-1 ratio @lvl 40.

Mutations:

Bent Regeneration: applies Correction % Boost to Bent regeneration.

Mayfly/Celestial Body: User may choose to have their perceived time change relative to their Mass. *Not a perfect ratio.

^From Shifting

Warpxia: Gather warp from a Correction% greater area. Admin only. Alpha state.

*Warning! System has detected multiple instabilities. May cause uncontrolled mutation!*

^ May also cause a predilection for face slapping, calling yourself an older brother, pretending to be weak, and mild tourettes, causing you to utter “Do you know even who I am!?” in situations where your identity doesn’t matter.

^But seriously, don’t pick this one. I just wanted to show you what I was working on.

Calvin listed off the ones he had access to, save the last one, which seemed like a joke.

I’ll get the face-slapping kinks worked out before Meditation level 30, Promise.

What about the uncontrolled mutations?

That’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

….

When I can get the damn System to recognize the Warp Tank™ and hook the mutation up to it without causing a huge, catastrophic System error.

“Okay,” Kala said, writing down the last Ability. “I think we can start by setting aside the skills that don’t give you a power boost, or a useful effect.”

Calvin thought for a moment. “So let’s drop disassociate, Buddha Body, old cliché, Hyperbolic Time chamber – “

“You don’t want that one?” Kala asked, underlining the ones as he called them off.

Yeah, you don’t want that one? We only have a year until the Saiyans arrive, Son Goku.

“Shadowboxing is useful, but I don’t want to invest so much in it that I spend the rest of my life training inside my own head. Rather than making something incredibly powerful slightly better, I’d rather raise my other abilities to match it.”

“Gotcha.” Kala said, underlining the ability.

“Let’s cross off Sleep When You’re Dead as well.”

Whaaat, you don’t wanna spend all day every day training in shadowboxing between tournaments and epic fights like some kinda shounen manga?

“I like sleeping.” Calvin said with conviction. “Sleep is good for you, and I’ll be damned if I let the System bait me into giving it up for some half-assed substitute.”

Extensive training has increased Stability.

+1 Stability.

Oh, damn. Guess you’re onto something there.

“And that leaves us with…”

“Sherlock Vision…” Kala paused. “What’s a Sherlock? Is it some kind of magical animal that can sense the future?”

It’s a drug addict who fights crime. You’d like him, I think.

Kala blinked. “Okay, then there’s Macro, Bent Regeneration and Mayfly/Celestial Body.”

She tapped her pen on Macro. “How do you figure Macro provides enough benefit to make it on the list?”

“I was thinking of trying interesting combinations of volatile ingredients in different combinations until I found the perfect effect, then locking them into place with Macro. Maybe also reliably making highly complicated objects with Dupdomancy, by locking perfect iterations in. Also one successful air walk and I can use Macro to repeat it.”

“Isn’t that something you replace with practice?”

“Yeah, a lot of practice.” Calvin said, scowling. “I’ve got other things I want to do with my time.”

Kala?

Run a wizard-kingdom.

“I’m just gonna take this one out,” Kala said, underlining Macro.

Damn.

Looks like you’re gonna have to have a training Montage of breaking your legs air-walking after all.

Shut up, you.

“Okay, Bent regeneration is in. More than doubling your effective Will is too good to pass up.” Kala said, glancing up at him. “If you want to risk it?”

Well?

Oh, yeah, the Bent Regeneration mutation is seated in your lungs and guts so it’s not gonna conflict with anything. Go nuts.

You sure?

There was some odd clicking noises, then Elliot’s voice came back.

Yes, I’m sure.

“Okay, then that just leaves the Sherlock one and the Mayfly one.”

The Sherlock Vision did sound useful, but it probably wasn’t much different from having Eye of The Tiger active during a fight, raising his efficacy.

Then he had Mayfly/Celestial body.

He could use it to slow down his perceived time by lowering his body mass, or speed it up, if he wished…although Shifting only lasted a few minutes.

Calvin drummed his fingers on the floor of the Unqua’s organs beneath him.

“I’m thinking I’ll take the Mayfly one.”

“Why’s that?”

“It adds more flexibility to Shifting itself.”

Like I said, making my other abilities better to match Shadowboxing is the priority.

“Alright,” Kala said, making a note at the bottom of the page, before closing the book and slipping it into her dress.

Calvin couldn’t for the life of him figure out where it went, as the lines of her yellow silk one-piece gave no indication of where a book might be tucked away.

And a girl as slender as Kala didn’t exactly have a lot of places to put it.

“How did you get that book past the guards?” Calvin asked, frowning. They had been imprisoned maybe sixteen hours ago. Calvin vividly remembered the search. It was comprehensive.

“You don’t know everything about my skills,” Kala said with a smile, pulling Jinsei’s pipe out of her dress and stuffing it with purplish tinted longweed. The good stuff.

She made a point of white-hot light on the tip of her finger that caught the dried plant on fire.

“I had dozens of tutors over the last dozen years. I’ve learned to do a lot of minor practice tricks with Bent to prepare for the wizard academy. You can’t be a Royal and not start off better than everyone else.” She rolled her eyes before she inhaled, exhaling out the Unqua’s doorflap.

“Never thought disappearing small objects would come in handy, but I guess you never know.”

I told you she was the mage, and you were the rogue.

“Alright, I’m gonna take the mutation now.” Calvin said, heart hammering in his chest.

“Go for it,” Kala said, waving.

“Ngg,” Nadia groaned into the floor, still not quite able to move. Her leathers must have been fairly decent armor, because although the clothes were torn to shreds, Nadia’s soft, pale skin was relatively unmarred.

Just spilling out of the tears.

The shreds of remaining leather seemed to embed themselves in her flesh, accentuating her curves…

Kala snapped her fingers, making Calvin blink.

“Right. Hmm.. I’m gonna want you sober.”

Calvin dismissed the summon and Nadia disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

Chained Spirit

Chained Spirit

0/17 Bent remaining.

Two Nadia’s condensed from the green smoke emanating from his hands, skeleton first.

They both dropped to their knees, shivering, as the Querda venom faded from immediate lung-stopping agony into recent memory.

“Eyes up.” Calvin said, getting their attention. “I’m mutating now. Worst case scenario, Elliot doesn’t know what he’s talking about and I wind up dying.”

Hey!

“It is in your best interest to prevent that, for obvious reasons. And if I do die, then start turning into some kind of weird monster, Kala’s going to kill both of us. Understood?”

Nadia one and two nodded.

“Alright. While I’m out, Kala’s in charge. You two can decide which one of you is Nadia one and which one is number two.”

“I’m not falling for that one again,” Both Nadia’s said, crossing their arms.

“You showed up first.” Kala said, pointing to the one on the left. “Just by a little bit.”

“You’re just trying to get us to argue.” The Nadia on the left said, scowling at Kala.

“Yeah, well, you’re just saying that because you think you’re number one.” The Nadia on the right said with an angry glare.

So…they’re both aware of what the other is thinking and feeling, right? They’re sharing the same mind…right?

From what I can tell, yeah.

Calvin watched Nadia bicker with herself for a moment longer.

Then why is she fighting with herself?

Some ideas come to mind. It could just be a case of personality types so extreme that they push similar personalities away, rather than cooperate. She could also just be crazy and using this as a catharsis for her self hate, or maybe she wants to brat you into interceding.

“I think it’s the second,” Kala said, taking another draw from her pipe. “Royals tend to have extreme coping mechanisms.”

“Oh, whatever, you drugged up harlot.” Both Nadia’s said, dropping their tiff in a fraction of a second.

“Alright,” Calvin said, clapping his hands to get their attention.

“best behavior while I’m out. If I wake up and someone’s dead,” He glanced meaningfully at Nadia, then Kala. “Or if I have an ink mustache, the punishment will be equally severe.”

“how is me drawing on your face equal with her committing murder?”

“They’re about at the same point in your individual scale of misbehavior.” Calvin said, then pointed at Kala “And I could tell you were planning on it.”

“Darn,” Kala tucked the pen away.

“Boo.” Nadia said, the two of them resting their chin on their hands, deliberately affording him an excellent view of their decolletage.

I think you pretty much guaranteed bad behavior by telling them not to do it. They are teens, after all. Someone’s probably gonna die while you’re out.

I choose Bent Regeneration.

Calvin’s broken ribs suddenly ached furiously as his lungs felt like they were shifting around inside of him, a low heat that spread through his entire torso.

User will be rendered unconscious while Mutation takes place.

Blissful unconsciousness claimed him.

***Nadia***

Nadia’s other body poked Calvin’s cheek.

It’s still so weird getting used to having so much sensory input at once. It wasn’t just sensory, it was also her state of mind. If one Nadia was irritated, that caused a feedback loop that made all of them irritated.

Same went for horny or angry or sad. The overwhelming amount of emotions from multiple bodies at once had battered down her built-up resistance to extreme moods, and recently she’d swung between euphoric joy and extreme self-pity sob-fests, but only whenever Calvin was out of sight. No way in the Abyss she’d let him see that.

The fact that her tormentor was so vulnerable in front of her made her grin wickedly, the smile spreading between her two bodies.

Looks like euphoric joy it is.

“Yeah, he’s out,” She said before turning to face the dirt-skinned, intolerable, repressed Gadveran bitch, hand extended.

“Give me the pen. I’ll write something on his face if you kill someone. It’s the perfect crime.”

Kala chuckled, pulling the pen out of thin air with a flourish before handing it to her.

I’ll get a handle on it, soon, Nadia thought as she leaned over Calvin’s supine form, but for now…I’m going to draw a dick on his face. Maybe two.

“By the way, I’m not killing anyone.” the druggie said between hits.

Nadia had just finished adding the intricate veins of the shaft when Calvin began to stir. In a surge of panic, she hesitated to hide the pen. If he knew she was the one who did it, he would punish her.

Which would be awesome.

Except he would pick something she wouldn’t like.

Which would suck.

Unless he didn’t choose something she didn’t like. He wouldn’t banish her to the room indefinitely for writing on his face. And anything less than total isolation, she would probably enjoy.

“Iii…is everyone still alive?” Calvin said, his eyes fluttering open as a surge of adrenaline spurred Nadia to hide the pen and her ink-stained fingers behind her back.

She was a bit slow making it disappear, the pen disappearing behind her back a fraction of a second after Calvin opened his eyes, but Nadia was able to shove her other body’s chest in the idiot’s face long enough for the bony bitch to hide it.

“Are you okay? No sore spots or pain?” She asked, her voice honeyed as she pushed the flesh of her cleavage into his nose. Despite being the lowest form of distraction, it was undeniably effective against straight men, as her captor seemed to take a moment to get his bearings sandwiched between her boobs.

Finally, Calvin grunted and shoved Nadia out of the way, eyes blinking the sand out. He glanced blearily between Nadia and Kala, who was obviously suppressing a laugh.

You’re going to blow the whole thing!

Somehow, her tormentor’s sleep addled mind didn’t make out the obvious signs, and he laid back down.

“Starting the second mutation.” He said, closing his eyes.

A moment later, his breathing deepened as he fell unconscious again. Nadia poked him tentatively, with no response.

“Alright,” Kala whispered. “You’ve had your fun. Hand me the pen.”

“I’m not done.” Nadia said.

“It’s my turn.” The southern princess said, setting aside her pipe and holding out her hand.

Nadia groaned and handed the pen over, and they switched places, with Kala leaning over the boy’s face, drawing exaggerated eyebrows on him, her pink tongue peeking out of her mouth as she concentrated on turning his face into a work of art.

***Calvin***

Calvin opened his eyes again, his face sadly not covered in boobs this time.

Nadia and Kala were sitting around him, guilt radiating from their gaze.

“Who’d you kill?” Calvin asked.

“Nobody.” Nadia said hastily. “We’ve been riding the Unqua back to town the entire time. You weren’t asleep very long.

Calvin licked his thumb and dragged it across his cheek, coming back with a smudge.

He raised his brows, looking at Kala.

“That one was Nadia,” she said, pointing the finger at the fair-skinned princess.

“That one?”

Kala blushed and avoided his gaze.

His first instinct was to burst out of bed and roughhouse with them, but between the broken ribs and leg, and his vastly inferior Strength, that was a non-starter.

Bummer. Calvin would have liked to give Kala a noogie. Or a spanking. Especially a spanking.

“Pen.” Calvin said sternly, holding out his hand. Kala hesitated a moment before she put the ivory pen in his palm.

“Forehead.” He said, making a ‘come here’ motion with his fingers.

When Kala was close enough, he wrote, ‘I did a bad thing’, on her forehead as she waited, blushing furiously.

“What about me?” Nadia asked, shifting in her seat expectantly.

“You get…nothing!” Calvin told her with a cheery smile.

“Damnit,” Nadia muttered under her breath.

“Alright, dorks, let’s go sell these nightmare fish and get enough water to get healed and get out of here,” Calvin said as the girls helped him to his feet.

What’s my Bent regeneration per hour? Calvin asked.

Let’s see. Thirty-one times two point two five, divided by seven. Divide twenty-four by the result… two point four hours per Bent. Or almost exactly ten Bent per day. In whore terms, that’s..

About eight Standard Whores worth of Bent regeneration. Eight point seven, to be exact. Congratulations.

Why are Whores a standard unit of measurement?

What else am I supposed to use?

Calvin shrugged internally. That was a lot better than before, but it was still hours between each new point of Bent. He needed to increase his Stability drastically if he wanted to take better advantage of his high renewal speed during his downtime. It wasn’t as if he was casting spells all day every day, so his downtime was important to recover a large supply of Bent.

Healing, Skills, then Stability. He resolved, limping out of the yurt. He wanted to get out of here as fast as possible, but trying it wounded and weak was asking to get him killed.

You could use Shadowboxing to scout the exit. Elliot chimed in.

Oh…yeah, that’ll work.