My Current Situation (Commissions)

Hey there, Nes/Hanky here. I know that a lot of you were left in the dark, and I'm really sorry for not being transparent about what's been happening. I'll try my best to explain what's been going on these past 8 months.

TLDR:  A mixture of chains of unfortunate events back to back to back, my boyfriend's missing and/or fragmented paychecks, and my ailments caused a hiccup in the progress of commissions.

A little background for context, I came from a dysfunctional family, and I've been eager to move out and cut contact with them. Without giving out too much detail, they completely disregarded my diagnosed mental illness, one in particular is that I often have terrifying visual and auditory hallucinations (paranoia) that lead to my insomnia. 

In October, I was doing well without them for the most part. I was practically homeless (it's better to be homeless than to live with my family), and living in my college dorm, while also getting treatments and professional help for my paranoia. November was also well, for the most part, I finished all of my commissions during that time.

In December, my family was incredibly adamant about finding me and "curing" me of my illness using orthodox and spiritual methodology, which could harm me physically. I took several (roughly 7) emergency commissions in December and made the hasty decision to move in with my boyfriend into our current home. At that time, my boyfriend was making four figures, and the money that I had received from my commissions was used to pay off the deposit for this rental. 

Where it all went wrong: 

In January things were decent, I finished 3 of the 7 commissions (since I was busy with moving and all), by the end of January. What I found out was that my boyfriend was paid 3 times less than what he told me he was supposed to make.

In February, to cover for my boyfriend's lack of payment from his (at that time) job, I held off on December's commission progress and opened a few emergencies for February. The purpose of those emergency commissions was to cover for his lack of payment for that month and that month ONLY. At the end of February though, my boyfriend brought home, this time, 10 times lower than what he told me he was supposed to be making. 

In March, I had to open for more emergency commissions and hold off the ones from December AND February to work on March's. At the end of March, he received no payment at all. 

At this point, it's practically clear that the workplace was either shady as hell, or that my bf hasn't been transparent about many things. Also, I stopped treatment altogether due to a lack of money and time. 

In April, I wanted to stop taking commissions and begin work on animations, so I can get side-tips as passive income while I work on an already outstanding amount of commissions at the time. Something that to this day still hurts me remembering, was Gumroad stripping us of income. During April, after unfortunate events back to back to back, I fell into depression and began developing chronic pain. But even then, I persevered and tried my best to finish whatever I could for December, January, February, and March's commissions. My boyfriend assured me he would bring home enough money to help us sustain, but like before, he was cut short of what he was supposed to make. We were late on rent, bills, and debts, so I opened for a few emergency commissions again. 

In May, he's still working at the same job. By now, a few month's worth of checks were nonexistent and the money he did bring home did not cover any expenses. Similarly to April, I opened for a few emergency commissions again. 

In June, he FINALLY quit and he found a new job which he promised will pay more than his previous one. I wanted to believe him, but with his record, it was difficult. I opened for more emergency commissions in preparation for him not bringing home any money again.

July arrived, and due to his late and lack of pay, our power and water were shut off, and to pay off the remaining bills, I had to open for more emergency commissions.

The month of August is now here and I had to take more emergency commissions. Progress has not been made on the previous month's worth of commissions and it continued to snowball as my debts grew. I have tried my best to work over the past 8 months, but it has been very difficult to progress forward.  In addition, during this time, his parents disallowed him to live with me, so he was forced to return home and live with them, and for 2 weeks, I was left alone, in pain, stressed out on bills, rents, debts, whilst also having to deal with my sensory delusions. Currently, I'm incredibly ill, and bedridden the majority of the time, with no one taking care of me. He was eventually allowed to return, but those 2 weeks of isolation left a huge impact on my physical and mental state. 

Note of admission : 

A few things I would like to admit: 

• I admit, until now, I haven't been transparent about my situation.

• I admit, it was a terrible business plan to put "emergencies" in-between "emergencies", for my "emergencies".

• I admit, the romantic relationship that my boyfriend and I share has been constantly in jeopardy because of this.

• I admit, whatever I just wrote, it's not 100% of what's been happening. There were manageable times, especially with the help of close friends, but there were also situations much worse than what I had written. 

Promises: 

What I can promise :

• I will finish the current commissions in the queue, and I will give it my all, despite what's been going on.

• I will fulfill any and all refund requests but it will take months to recuperate the money for a refund.

Thank you for understanding, and your patience. It's been a journey, while still ongoing, I'm willing to do my best.

(Written on the 27th of August)

(Yours Truly) NES//Hanky