ASL2: Chapter 83 "Option Three"
Added 2022-05-27 15:01:03 +0000 UTC-- CHAPTER 83: Option Three --
Comments
I’ve noticed it too and it’s annoying. As are some of the weird qualifiers when he uses parentheses.
Madz
2022-05-30 14:19:07 +0000 UTCJust finished chapter 90. OMG Dude! Not sure my heart can take this.
Mark Adkins
2022-05-29 00:36:33 +0000 UTCAs a VIP tier patron, lemme just tell you guys to have some faith. Story isn’t over
KC Forever
2022-05-28 22:32:40 +0000 UTCNot to join in the dumping on this particular chapter, just bit of constructive criticism. There are often instances when a character is speaking, but is using words and diction that are more appropriate to narration than conversation. A couple of examples: "you dropped everything to be here for us, even blitzing the Seventh Circle of Hell known as Bay Area Rush Hour Traffic each day." "And the way she broke down sobbing as she mourned the final nail in the coffin that held what had once been our shared dream…” This is not how people talk to each other. It IS how they narrate books or stories, but not in conversation, especially in the nude. Someone might make the traffic joke in a conversation, but not when they are having a discussion as intense, serious and upsetting as context in which it was made in this chapter. It also makes Ben look like an insensitive ass and he doesn't need anymore help in that department. This is a thing I have noticed creeping into the dialogue in the story before. Maybe keep an eye out for that.
Uppercase
2022-05-28 22:18:20 +0000 UTC
