ASL2: Chapter 78 "Unsettled"

-- CHAPTER 78: Unsettled --

****

-- SATURDAY, JUNE 20, 2009 --

Summer and I stood outside the dramatic, angular SkyRose Chapel perched near the cliff’s edge of the hillside, with the Los Angeles city skyline in the background. With less than an hour to go until sunset, the shadows were long and the light rapidly dimming, although it had not yet started to change colors and remained fairly bright. And the early evening June air was warm and comfortable.

As Adrienne suggested, we’d chosen to think of tonight’s events as a “Celebration of Life” rather than a funeral. Guests were expressly forbidden from wearing black, and we encouraged cheerful colors in general. Summer herself was in a metallic silver dress with a high collar that didn’t expose much skin but nevertheless flattered her spectacular figure. Others were dressed in a variety of spring and summer outfits. And I was dressed in gray slacks and a light blue button-down shirt with a white tie.

Overall, the mood was upbeat. Close to a hundred people were chatting with each other, old friends catching up. My family, the Evanses, and our inner circle of friends had made the trip from NorCal on a charter flight that Adrienne booked for us so that we could bury Yvaine with her parents at the Rose Hills Cemetary. Also, quite a number of Yvaine’s SoCal friends had accepted our invitations to attend. Several were parents of Summer’s ex-classmates, both high school and college. Some of those ex-classmates were in attendance, which turned the funeral into miniature high school and UCLA reunions. A few high school cheerleaders were in attendance, including Candy Carter, Mizuho Nishioka, and Heather Wilkinson, not to mention Adrienne and Lynne. Brooke and DJ had also joined us, along with their boyfriends, not because any of them knew Summer very well, but just to show their support with their presence.

But nearly all of them were presently gathered inside the picturesque building with its 70-foot cathedral ceiling supported by an array of diagonally-biased wood beams. Summer and I, however, were outside, ostensibly staring across the horizon at the city in the distance, although neither of us was actually looking. Out here, the mood wasn’t quite as upbeat.

I found myself reminded of the times I’d stood with Yvaine alongside the fence in her backyard, staring out across the city without actually looking. Summer’s face was buried against my chest as she cried and cried and cried. Her makeup was running and staining my light blue shirt, and I would bear those extra splotches of color for the rest of the evening. She’d actually done a really good job of keeping it together throughout the day. But with about fifteen minutes to go before the service was scheduled to start, she’d completely lost it and I’d gently ushered her out a side door.

So now I stood just outside the building, vaguely pointed in the direction of the city, holding my inconsolable girlfriend in my arms trying to be strong and brave for her. Like witnessing a yawn, though, her grief was contagious, and I found the solid rock wall of my masculine stoicism eroding away until the first cracks appeared and liquid anguish seeped out in the form of tears rolling down my own cheeks.

A fresh pair of arms suddenly wrapped around me, followed by a second pair. Without needing to turn around to check, I felt Adrienne’s presence against my back. Or perhaps I felt her boobs. One or the other. And hugging both me and Summer from the side was Dawn, her ice-blue hair instantly recognizable in my peripheral vision. And for a long, long time, my Nestmates and I simply remained huddled together like that, four individuals united as one.

Eventually, Summer’s sobbing eased and she raised her face off my chest. Only now did she realize how much of her makeup she’d smeared onto my shirt, and she tried unsuccessfully to wipe the colors off with her fingers for a moment before shooting me an apologetic look. I wiped my own wet eyes and let her know it was no big deal before softly kissing her forehead. And then she sighed and lay her cheek down on my shoulder, mumbling, “I’m not ready to go back in there. I’m not sure I can see her like that again.”

I exhaled slowly and stroked Summer’s spine. We were having an open casket funeral, and the morticians had done an excellent job of making Yvaine look exceptionally beautiful and peaceful, as if she were merely sleeping in repose. When I looked down, I kept waiting for her to wake up and smile at me. And as the seconds ticked by without her doing so, reminding me that she would never open her eyes again, despair shattered my poor glass heart into a million pieces all over again.

“I know what you mean,” I told Summer softly. “If you really want, we can ask them to close the casket.”

“No, no, don’t do that.” She shuddered and buried her face into my shirt again. “Closing the casket would feel like saying goodbye, and I’m not ready to say goodbye.”

“It’s not goodbye,” I told her. “It’s ‘until we meet again.’”

“I wanna go meet her right now…” she moaned forlornly, as her hands bunched up the fabric of my shirt.

I exhaled slowly and raised my eyes. Dawn met my gaze with her own, and neither of us needed a mysterious link to know what the other was thinking. She rubbed Summer’s shoulders and bent to peck her BFF on the side of her head before giving me another look. We both knew not to let Summer out of our sight for a while. On the same wavelength, Adrienne leaned over to peck Summer on the top of her head as well before meeting my eyes in confirmation.

It took another twenty minutes to get Summer calmed down enough to go back inside.

That was okay. The service would wait for us.

And eventually, we went inside and paid our last respects.

****

“Heyyy, Summer…” an unknown voice warily greeted my girlfriend, causing me to look up.

An unfamiliar blonde beauty stared down at us, immaculately put together in a trophy wife way that very much reminded me of Yvaine. Her platinum-blonde hair was done up in expensive-looking salon-styled curls, she wore quite a bit of jewelry, and her dress was obviously tailored to fit her outrageous curves. But unlike many of the other “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” guests that were of similar age to Yvaine, this particular blonde beauty looked like she could’ve been younger than me.

The blonde’s identity pinged in some corner of my lizard brain that realized her fabulously fit body enhanced with silicone Double-Ds was of similar build and size to Summer herself. Plus, I knew I’d seen her in old photo albums on Summer’s Facebook page. But before I could say anything, Summer spoke up first.

“Jayla, heyyy…” my girlfriend said with a small smile.

“Jayla McDaniels,” I stated in recognition. “Summer’s McTwin from UCLA.”

The blonde smiled rather flirtatiously at me. I didn’t think she was actually trying to hit on me at Yvaine’s funeral or anything, but rather that a flirtatious smile was simply her default setting. “Jayla Friedmann, actually. McDaniels was my maiden name.”

“Right. Summer told me you’d married a cardiologist.” I gave her a weary smile. “Thank you for coming, Jayla. I’m Ben.”

“I know, of course. Every time I’ve talked to Summer over the past year it’s been ‘Ben-this’ and ‘Ben-that’, and she even mentioned you back at UCLA. You’ve made my friend very happy, and as I understand it, you saved her life. Thank you for that.” Jayla turned her attention to Summer as she pulled out the empty chair next to my girlfriend and sat down.

For her part, Summer bowed her head, brushed long locks of red hair away from her face and tucked them behind her ear, and squeezed my hand before looking up at Jayla with a sad look. “How’ve you been?”

“Me? I’m supposed to be asking you,” Jayla replied lightly, trying hard to keep her expression positive. “How are you holding up?”

“Trying to keep it together,” Summer sighed. “Mostly succeeding, thanks to Ben and Dawn.” She then glanced over her shoulder and across the Sheraton hotel ballroom where we were having the post-funeral reception. Dawn had gone to collect some food and drinks for the three of us. Adrienne was basically emceeing the event, having just now thanked everyone for coming to celebrate Yvaine’s life on Summer’s behalf. The supermodel remained on the elevated stage next to the pianist playing soothing music on a grand piano, talking to some of Yvaine’s friends.

This moment was really the first opportunity for anyone to come talk to Summer, given that she and I had remained sequestered from the assembled guests prior to the SkyRose Chapel service and then been the last ones to arrive and take our seats at the table here in the ballroom. I still wasn’t sure if my girlfriend was up for socializing, so I held her hand, attentively watching for any signs of distress or other reason to cut this conversation short.

But Jayla had a way of putting Summer at ease with friendly chatter, and within a minute or two Summer actually managed to crack a smile as the pair reminisced about some silly thing that happened at UCLA. After that, perhaps recognizing that the dark cloud that had been hanging over Summer’s head had somewhat dissipated, the other guests started to meander over to extend their condolences to Summer and talk about what Yvaine meant to them. And we spent the next two hours receiving Summer’s well-wishers.

Summer’s college and post-college SoCal friends were the first to come by, many of whom were also friends with Jayla. They collectively spent more time catching up with each other rather than talk about Summer’s mom, sharing their recent adventures and relationship foibles. I was mostly the strong and silent type next to the girls, politely introducing myself when asked, blushing when one of them complimented Summer about how handsome I was, and basically not interjecting myself into the conversation.

During that time, Dawn returned and gave us our plates and drinks, although they went largely untouched on the table. She also took an empty seat next to Jayla rather than displace the blonde, remaining present and attentive but not intruding on the conversation.

Afterwards, Jayla excused herself and Dawn moved back into the seat next to Summer. The pair of them interlaced their fingers together and Dawn gave her BFF a reassuring squeeze. Summer’s and my high school friends started stopping by. Like Summer’s college friends, they spent more time catching up with each other’s lives than talking about Yvaine. And since they were my friends as well, I got to participate in the friendly banter.

Summer’s dad and brother stopped by as well. They’d spoken to us briefly before the ceremony started, but Summer clearly didn’t want anything to do with either of them at the time, nor did she really want to talk to them now. Both moved on fairly quickly.

Towards the end of the night, Yvaine’s friends stopped by before departing, offering their sympathy, prayers, and occasional remembrances of what Yvaine meant to them before moving on. The room had been somewhat divided across the generation gap for most of the evening - not uncomfortably so, people just tended to hang out with people their own age. But once the “old folks” began heading home, the rest of us started to wrap up as well. Brooke, DJ, and their boyfriends came to say goodbye after spending most of the evening with our families. The SoCal high school, college, and post-college crowd came by one last time to wish us well and then departed.

But when I got up to ask my Dad to take a pass around the room and make sure nothing got left behind while I took Summer upstairs to our hotel room, I returned to my girlfriend and found her talking one-on-one with Jayla.

“Hey, Sunshine,” I said warmly, if wearily, wrapping my arm around Summer’s waist and hugging her against my side. “How about we call it a night?”

But the platinum-blonde bombshell squeezed Summer’s hand and asked, “Actually, Ben, would you mind me borrowing Summer for a bit? I just want to talk to her in private but I promise I’ll bring her right back.”

Before answering, I checked first with Summer. She gave me a reassuring smile, saying, “We’ll be right back.”

So I nodded. “Sure. I’ll be right here.”

Summer first came to peck my cheek and squeeze my arm, and then she left hand-in-hand with Jayla. For my part, I figured one more Jack-n-Coke wouldn’t hurt and headed for the bar.

The girls came back twenty minutes later. By then, my family had collected all of our belongings, and most of them had already headed upstairs to their rooms, but both Dawn and Adrienne were waiting with me. I asked Summer if everything was alright, my girlfriend told me she was fine and that Jayla just wanted to make sure Summer honestly felt happy and - more importantly - felt safe with her boyfriend (without said boyfriend being present).

Dawn nodded her understanding. “Given the way your previous boyfriends treated you, it’s not surprising that she’d be concerned. I know you’ve been pretty protective of Summer today, but from Jayla’s point of view you could’ve come across as hovering and more than a little bit possessive.”

“It’s nice to know she still cares,” Summer said with a smile. “She also said she wanted to come up to the Bay Area and visit sometime. I told her she’d be more than welcome anytime.”

Adrienne shot me a little smirk, but I rolled my eyes. Tonight was definitely not a night to be thinking about sex.

Or so I thought.

An hour later, the four of us were all freshly showered and ready for bed. Adrienne had gotten us a King suite. We were all pretty tired after a long, emotionally-draining day. Summer pillowed her head on my left shoulder. Adrienne was pillowed on my right.

Dawn, however, was fiddling with her phone. And a moment later, a male voice started whispering from the speakers, “Get up, get up, get up, get up… Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up…”

Adrienne giggled. Summer looked up at me with a smile. And despite everything that had happened today, my sweet redhead crawled up my body and sealed her lips over mine in a warmly radiant kiss.

****

-- SUNDAY, JUNE 21, 2009 --

“Not exactly how I wanted to celebrate your birthday,” I told Adrienne as we settled onto the couch, already worn out even though it was still early in the afternoon.

Despite spending most of the day sitting on my ass driving to the airport, flying in a chartered plane with my friends and family, and then riding back to The Nest, I felt tired. Summer felt even more emotionally wiped out and was currently upstairs napping in my bed with Dawn. We were alone in the house, as Kim and June had taken BJ straight from the Oakland airport to The Aerie; Eden, Emma, and Eve had gone back to The Birdhouse; Bert and Lynne had gone to their apartment; and everyone outside of Berkeley, well… they went to their homes outside of Berkeley.

Shaking my head, I muttered, “I had these big elaborate plans.”

“I know,” Adrienne sighed. “Sasha told me.”

I blinked and glanced across to the other couch. “You did?”

Sasha shrugged. “What? I mean, I know we had to scrap those plans given everything else going on. I figured she’d at least like to know what you DID plan for her.”

“Yeah, but now I can’t re-use those plans another time since she already knows. Like… we could’ve done the same thing next year, right?”

Sasha snorted. “I promise you she’ll love your plans next year just as much.”

“I would,” Adrienne assured me while rubbing my knee. “Silver lining, a few old friends like Candy and Heather wished me happy birthday yesterday, people I wouldn’t have ordinarily seen without all this going on.”

“I suppose.” I sighed. “On the other hand, if it would make you feel better, maybe you two should go visit the Tri-Delt Chapter House and celebrate. Would make for a nice distraction.”

Adrienne shook her head immediately. “As if I’d go over there without you on my birthday. No, I’m exactly where I want to be, with who I want to be.” With that, Adrienne opened her other arm, beckoning Sasha to her.

The beautiful brunette smiled and got up from the other couch, pivoting around the coffee table and settling into the grasp of Adrienne’s arm.

My Tigress hugged both of us, sighing in contentment, before pecking the side of Sasha’s head. “More silver linings. I’m happy you’re back.”

“For now,” I cautioned.

“For good, actually,” Sasha corrected matter-of-factly.

I blinked in surprise and looked across Adrienne at Sasha, exclaiming, “Really?”

Adrienne had also sat up, exclaiming “Really?” at the exact same time as me.

Sasha grinned at both of us. “I told you guys I’d make up my mind after the funeral. Well, it’s now after the funeral. Uh, Happy Birthday, honey?”

Adrienne grinned and squeezed Sasha fiercely. “Best birthday present I could’ve ever hoped for.”

Sasha smirked. “Better than the TDN reunion for your birthday?” she teased.

“No knock on the TDN girls, but we can have a TDN reunion next week. Hearing you say you’re back for good? Seriously: best birthday present.”

I frowned. “Actually, I don’t remember you saying you’d make up your mind after the funeral. I thought you only promised to stick around through the funeral to make sure everyone was settled, but then after that you’d take the magnetic pull to go back out there and resume exploring the world.”

“Oh, I still want to explore the world, but now that I’ve been home for a week, I realized how much more comfortable I am here,” Sasha explained. “Don’t get me wrong: I loved hopping from city to city every few days, meeting new people, tasting new… uh… foods…”

Adrienne and I both laughed.

She doesn’t actually mean ‘foods’.

Thank you. I know already.

She’s talking about all the pussy she’s been tasting out there on--

I get it, I get it, you can shut up now.

“But if you spend a long enough time doing something, no matter what it is, it’ll start to become routine,” Sasha continued. “Even globe-trotting started to become routine, and I found that I missed you guys. I told Adrienne before that I was thinking about coming home. Yvaine’s death obviously sped up my timetable, but I honestly think I would’ve come home within a week anyway. I thought it’d be a good idea to come home and surprise you for your birthday, actually.”

“Well, you told me you were thinking about coming home,” Adrienne interjected, “but then leaving again after taking a few weeks to decompress and… well… get us to fuck your brains out a bit.”

Sasha giggled. “Yes, that was the plan, but with the emotional weight of everything going on, the whole fucking my brains out part never really happened. I mean, we’ve been getting together as part of the whole ‘sexual healing’ bit, but that’s more catharsis from grief than fucking for the fun of fucking.”

“Sorry,” I apologized.

“Oh, don’t say sorry for that.” Sasha shook her head. “Sexual healing wasn’t what I expected, but as it turns out it’s what I needed. Our whole extended family came together in a very powerful way, bonding through tragedy. This whole week we’ve been supporting each other, grieving together, and quite honestly… you’ve demonstrated just how empty my dalliances around the world really were.”

I frowned. “Don’t regret those dalliances. You were supposed to go out there and enjoy yourself.”

“And I did, I did. I was like a kid in a candy store. So many sweet things to try.” Sasha waggled her eyebrows, her irises sizzling. “But I think I got a bit of sugar-overload and I’m ready to leave the candy store. With the rest of you so… introspective… this past week, with a lot of time to stop and think, I’ve also had a lot of time this week to really stop and think. I got to decompress from my trip and ponder what I really want to do for the rest of my life. To really consider the next stage of my evolution.”

I smiled. “It’s funny you mention the word ‘evolution’. That’s exactly what I started to think about your journey over the years. I’ve thought a lot about the person you were when I first met you and how much you’ve transformed into the woman I see today.”

“Really? What have you seen?”

I took a deep breath and thought about that. “First time I met you was as a guy noticing a really, really beautiful girl in one of my classes. I mean, you were still dressing to hide your body, but I could tell.”

Sasha blushed and looked down.

“We became friends, and even lovers,” I continued. “I thought of everything we’d been through since our senior year of college. I realized how I’d taken your presence in my life for granted, assuming you’d always be close by as you slowly transitioned from roommate of convenience because I happened to have empty bedrooms in The Birdhouse, to close confidante as the Tri-Delt West girls moved in, to my ever-present ‘constant’, to official girlfriend, to part of a triple with Adrienne, and eventually into Adrienne’s girlfriend after our broken engagement.”

Adrienne winced a bit at the reference to our broken engagement, but I stroked her leg and kept my focus on Sasha.

“I found myself wondering (not for the first time) how differently things might’ve turned out had Adrienne not reentered my life after graduation. I concluded a while ago that you’d long been a dormant caterpillar of sorts, waiting for your transformation into whatever might be your next form. ‘Change’ had been your only constant, morphing into different evolutions of yourself as time went on. And while you were gone on your five-month walkabout, I found myself anxiously awaiting to see what new version of ‘Sasha Serafian’ returned to us.”

She blinked and smiled. “And? What version do you see?”

I smiled. “I see a Sasha more assured of herself, more at peace. I see a Sasha no longer torn between her feelings of obligation to either me or to her ex-girlfriend and her yearning desire for freedom. And while I was very glad to know the wandering globe-trotter would drop everything and return to us at a moment’s notice, I see a free spirit who never wants to be caged. That’s actually one more reason I’m surprised to hear you say you’re staying for good when I genuinely expected you to tell us you were leaving soon.”

Sasha shrugged. “I don’t want to be caged, that’s true. But I also came to realize I don’t like feeling… unsettled.”

Adrienne frowned. “You felt unsettled?”

“Adrift. Anchorless. Aimless. There’s a balance between being caged or rooted in one spot and being such a vagabond that nothing feels like home. This feels like home.” Sasha paused and regarded both of us. “YOU feel like home. Both of you. Together.”

Adrienne’s eyes narrowed, catching the bit of innuendo in Sasha’s voice. “Ben and I aren’t together. He’s with Summer.”

Sasha’s eyes narrowed and she sighed. “Right, of course. But you know what I mean. You’re still ‘together’. Is he not your Rock and vice versa?”

“Of course we are,” I insisted while stroking Adrienne’s leg. “Forever and Always. But seriously, now is not the time to be worrying about marriage or girlfriends or any of that stuff. As you said, this time has been about the whole extended family coming together and bonding in a very powerful way. That stuff is honestly far more important to me than future stuff about getting married.”

Sasha smirked. “I get that. Really, I do. But at the same time, the question about ‘Who’s Ben gonna marry?’ has been such a hot topic amongst everyone else for… well… years… And as long as that question remains… unsettled… we’re never gonna stop wondering about it.”

“Yeah well that’s one topic that’s not gonna get settled today,” I said wearily.

Sasha held her hands up. “Fair enough.”

****

The three of us pivoted to talking about Sasha’s plans for “settling” back down in Berkeley with us. For one thing, the girls had discussed moving Summer’s belongings into my room and giving that room to Sasha since Summer was barely ever in it anyways. I reasoned that Sasha might as well move into Adrienne’s bedroom since she’d slept there every night since her arrival, but the girls pointed out to me that (A) Adrienne’s stuff already filled all of the drawers and closet space, and (B) they weren’t actually getting back together or anything, so it would make more sense for Sasha to have her own space.

In the category of career, Sasha said she’d start working on updating her resume. Her old boss had suggested he’d be happy to hire her back if she ever wanted to return, but Sasha had decided she’d rather make a fresh start somewhere else. Adrienne then mused aloud that she could probably use a personal assistant, and so the pair of them started to seriously think about that idea.

At that point, I decided the girls could sort out Sasha’s potential assistant role on their own and got up to go check on Summer. She and Dawn were right where I’d left them, on my bed in the master bedroom. But right when I’d started to close the door, Dawn slowly picked her head up and looked back at me.

I gave her a small wave while gesturing for her to stay in bed, but she propped herself up on her elbow and looked down. I could tell from her expression that she was looking at Summer’s face, a little uncertain whether or not the redhead was awake. And a moment later, Summer apparently felt Dawn’s gaze, because she turned her head to look up at Dawn.

Dawn smiled and stroked Summer’s hair, saying softly, “Hey, Sunshine. Have a nice nap?”

I went ahead and entered the room then, closing the door behind me. “Sorry,” I muttered. “Did I wake you two?”

Dawn shook her head. “Wasn’t really sleeping. Just resting.”

“Me too, actually. Couldn’t sleep. I’m tired, but my mind wouldn’t shut down.” Summer said while rolling onto her back and stretching. The motion did incredible things to her incredible tits, and having not cum since last night’s sexual healing I felt a fresh stirring in my loins. But I tamped down on that urge and moved to sit on the foot of the bed. Summer sighed and then scooted her butt back while sitting up against the headboard. And in a sad, forlorn voice, she muttered, “I used to dream of Mom. And I think today I wanted to see her so badly I was trying to force myself to go to sleep just so I could talk to her again. But that’s not how sleep works.”

I nodded. “I understand.”

Summer regarded me with a knowing smile. “I know you do. Mom told me she’d met you in a dream.”

I blinked. “She did?”

“Not a surprise,” Dawn remarked, looking at me. “You already told us you’d had a couple of dreams of Yvaine, only the memories didn’t fade away like normal dreams. So it makes sense that she’d dream of her mom talking to her.”

True enough. I could still remember quite vividly Yvaine’s ghostlike appearances from a week ago. And the vision of her body fading away into transparent nothingness still haunted me. “When did you last see her?” I asked Summer.

“Friday night before we flew down for the funeral,” Summer sighed. “But now that we’ve buried her, I feel like she’s… gone. Gone for good. When I didn’t see her last night, I freaked out a bit. That’s why I wanted so desperately to take a nap and try to see her again.”

Dawn reached out to stroke Summer’s left arm. “Your mom will always be with you. Always.”

Summer clasped her right hand atop Dawn’s, keeping it pressed against her arm. “Thanks. Thank you both. You’ve done so much for me, and I’m not talking about just this week.”

Dawn and I shared a smile. “We were both happy to. You’ve been a joy in our lives.”

Summer smiled… at first. But then she sighed and shook her head. “I can never repay you for what you’ve done for me.”

I shook my head and scooted next to her on the bed. “Nothing needs to be repaid.”

“I’m never gonna NOT owe you two everything. Both of you… and A.D. and Eden and your parents and everyone else… you’ve all expended a ton of emotional energy on me in a way that’s obviously left you drained. Do you have any idea what kind of guilt that gives me? Don’t get me wrong: it’s not that I want you all to stop supporting me or anything. But for every sacrifice you make on my behalf, I credit that to the mental account I keep running in my head for how much I owe you back in return, and I won’t stop until I feel like my debt has been settled.”

“This is a debt we’d be perfectly happy to leave unsettled.” Dawn frowned. “Did you really think we want you doing emotional accounting and feeling obligated to pay us back?”

Summer shrugged. “I know it’s not what you want, but it is what I do. Don’t tell me you don’t do the same thing, Miss I-need-to-handle-all-my-shit-by-myself-instead-of-letting-my-loved-ones-help-me. We both do emotional accounting. The only difference between us is that I actively seek help and then try to repay it, while you try to avoid incurring a debt in the first place.”

Dawn pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, pulling her hand off of Summer’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Summer apologized immediately.

“No, it’s fine. We all know you’re right,” Dawn sighed before shooting me a glance. “But now’s not really the time.”

Summer sighed and got a faraway look in her eyes. “I was lying here trying to sleep but not sleeping, thinking about Mom. I started thinking about that last night we had together. I started thinking about our final morning. Ben woke up first still spooned around her. He did that thing where he teases you in your sleep to get you all wet and warmed up without quite waking you up, you know?”

Dawn and I momentarily glanced at each other. Dawn blushed and confirmed, “Yeah, I know.”

Summer started to smile, but her face fell and she suddenly looked sad again. “That was the first night… the only night… she ever got to sleep in his arms. I felt bad… like I should’ve shared him with her earlier and more often. She’d been so lonely ever since moving up here to Berkeley… for my sake, you know? And all she had to show for it was one single special night with him? Just one? Totally unfair. And once I started thinking about that, any interest I had in starting something went away.”

Admittedly, the memory of pushing myself into Yvaine while she slept gave me pleasant thoughts, and I felt that stirring in my loins again. But then the rising heat beneath my arousal suddenly disappeared with the speed of a gas range being switched off.

“But I’m glad she at least had that one night,” Summer continued, taking a deep breath and sighing. She scratched my chest and looked up at me. “Her final night on this earth was a great night: cuddled up with you, suddenly woken by the feeling of your big dick pushing into her from behind. If it’s gonna be your last night, there are worse ways to spend it.”

Summer’s voice had gotten steadily stronger as she went, and I smiled in response to her smile and then bent down to kiss her forehead.

Sitting up a bit, Summer turned to look back at both Dawn and me. “I want you all to stop worrying so much about me missing my mom. I’m going to grieve. The pain won’t go away overnight. I’m trying really hard to be strong right now, really hard. I tell myself she wouldn’t have wanted me to be depressed and miserable for a minute longer than necessary, and I’m trying not to be. But I’ve been through other depressive episodes before, I know I’m gonna have relapses, and this one’ll probably be the worst one ever.”

“No matter what happens, we’re both here for you,” I reassured her.

“A month from now, or two,” Summer continued, “I may very well be right in the middle of going down on one of you, have some weird flashback to the lone night she let me suck her clit into my mouth and go to town on her, and wind up curled in a fetal position bawling my eyes out. There was that time Sunday morning we were in the middle of having sex and I locked up and started howling about missing my mom just because it was a Sunday morning. I’m still sorry about that, by the way.”

“Oh, Sunshine, you’ll never have to apologize for that,” Dawn assured her.

“But seriously, I know everybody’s been walking on eggshells around me, trying not to upset me or make me think of Mom. I want you to know you don’t have to do that. I’m gonna think of Mom whether you say something or not, and the sooner you all go back to treating me like normal, the sooner -I- can get back to normal myself.”

“That’s a chicken or egg thing for me,” I told her. “I can’t just stop being super-concerned for you overnight. That’s not to say I don’t care about you in general, but I’m going to continue walking on eggshells trying not to upset you until you show me that you’re recovering. I’m going to continue expending emotional energy going the extra mile to support you because I’m your boyfriend and that’s what boyfriends do.”

She gave me a wan smile. “Not most of my boyfriends, but thank you for being the exception. I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, Summer.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly while nodding. “So I want you to stop tiptoeing around me but you won’t do it until I can first show I don’t need you to tiptoe around me. Fair enough. I’m gonna have to prove to you I’m strong enough to stand on my own two feet before you stop holding my hand. Is that basically it?”

“Something like that. And I know you can do it,” I assured her. “You’re stronger than you think.”

“Much stronger,” Dawn affirmed. “I see the same fire in you that I saw in your mom. She could be fierce.”

“I know she could,” Summer agreed. “She was my idol. She was everything I wanted to be. In the bedroom she enjoyed being dominated as much as I did for the sheer pleasure of it. But outside of the bedroom? The way she carried herself and took ownership of her own life?” She paused to take a deep breath and exhale slowly before finishing, “Her memory inspires me to be strong, like her.”

“You ARE strong,” I confirmed. “You’ll get through this. We’ll get through this together.”

“We will. I’m going to make her proud of me.” Nodding slowly, Summer glanced up and looked at both of us. “She’s gone now. She’s at peace. But I know she’ll be able to peek in on us every now and again, just to make sure we’re doing alright. And I don’t want her to look down from heaven and see a weak little girl too scared and too sad to move on with her life. I want her to see a strong young woman who misses her deeply, but at the same time is ready to face the world with strength and confidence.”

“I know she will.” I smiled and rubbed her leg.

“She totally will,” Dawn agreed and rubbed Summer’s arm.

“I know she will too,” Summer stated firmly with a smile. “Because I have both of you.”

****

I found myself checking the clock, and Dawn smiled at me. “You still doing your dinner thing?”

“Yup.” I took a deep breath. “We should probably get going. Hope she likes the surprise.”

“You’re making her feel special,” Summer said sagely. “Of course she’ll like the surprise.”

“You’re sure you wanna go dressed like this though?” Dawn asked, gesturing to my jeans and casual polo attire. “Not getting all spiffy or taking her to a fancy restaurant for the special occasion?”

I shook my head in the negative. “If this were an ordinary day, sure. But trust me: she wouldn’t want to feel like she was drawing extra attention to herself by getting dolled up. I’m gonna have to convince her to go out with me as it is while she argues that my focus should be on Summer.”

“True enough,” Dawn conceded.

“Well,” Summer added, “I’m sure the rest of us insisting that she go will help convince her.”

With that, the three of us headed downstairs. Adrienne and Sasha were in Adrienne’s office, outlining a potential “personal assistant role” as far as I could tell. I knocked on the doorjamb and said, “Hey, Tigress. C’mon, let’s go.”

Adrienne blinked in surprise. “Go? Where?”

I smiled as I entered the room. “I’m taking you out for dinner.”

She frowned. “I thought we were just gonna stay in and hang out. It’s been a pretty trying day already.”

“It has been, but it’s still your birthday. A special day deserves a special dinner. C’mon, let’s go.” By now I’d circled the desk and slipped my hand into hers, tugging.

Curious, Adrienne let me tug her along, but when she realized nobody else was coming with us, she pulled back. “Wait, aren’t the others coming with us?”

“Nope. Just you and me.” I started tugging again.

Still, she resisted. Adrienne frowned and shook her head, “Wait, no. Birthday or not, we literally flew back from Yvaine’s funeral this morning. My birthday really isn’t a big deal, seriously. I don’t need any special dinners just for me.”

“A.D., please,” Summer urged. “I feel guilty enough for my problems dragging the rest of you down. You’ve already spent so much time and effort and money on all this as it is.”

Adrienne waved her off. “I’m doing what I can because I can, simple as that. It’s no big deal.”

“It’s been a big deal to me,” Summer countered. “And it would make ME feel better if you let Ben take you out for a nice one-on-one dinner for your special day.”

Adrienne shook her head. “Well then why don’t we ALL go out together as a group?”

“Because it’ll be more special if it’s just the two of you,” Sasha advised. “We did get you a cake. Ben planned that far ahead. I mean, I know Miss Supermodel won’t let herself take more than one bite of it--”

“Because Uli would kill me if she found out,” Adrienne muttered.

We all laughed, and Sasha continued. “Seriously, we all know how precious one-on-one time with Ben is. Think of it as the best birthday present we can give you under the circumstances, huh? And then when you two come back, we can gather together around the cake as a group and sing ‘Happy Birthday’.”

Adrienne took a deep breath, at first looking like she wanted to argue further, but when she exhaled she gave a wry shake of her head. “Okay alright…” she conceded before glancing over at me. “But nothing fancy, okay? Just something quiet and casual.”

“We’re getting cheap Chinese food. Low-key. Just the two of us. Cool?”

“Alright.”

****

As promised, dinner was at our local Chinese hole-in-the-wall restaurant paradoxically named Great Wall. It was a narrow restaurant squished in the middle of a small strip mall, but the food was authentic and tasted great.

“Do you remember our first Valentine’s together?” I asked her after we’d ordered, reaching across the table and opening my hand invitingly.

She placed her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. “Of course. I can’t remember the name of the place, but I certainly remember the way you made me feel. It was the happiest night of my life up until that point. Well, the food was pretty blah.”

“I didn’t pick the place for the food. You ordered me not to take you to Panda Express and I knew you wanted linen tablecloths and candlelight,” I said with a chuckle. “And you were wearing a pink dress that made you look like a million bucks. That dress would be pretty out of place here.”

Adrienne shrugged. “At least we know the food tastes better. Actually, I remember that old couple we met in the lobby.”

“They asked if we were newlyweds, we looked so in love. I had to tell them we weren’t even together.”

“C’mon, Tiger. Even when we were ‘nottogether’ we were pretty much together.”

“Of course. I loved you. You loved me. Like right now: official title or not, I consider us ‘together’, don’t you?”

“You’re my everything. Title or not, you know that.” Adrienne squeezed my hand again. “I think Dawn said it best: you are my Alpha and Omega. You are my beginning and my end. I will love you and be only yours for the rest of my life because that’s how much you mean to me.”

“And you mean just as much to me.” I squeezed her hand. “High school me would’ve never believed it. I can scarcely believe how far we’ve come since then.”

“Almost feels like we’re in exactly the same place. I mean, obviously Great Wall isn’t as fancy a restaurant as the one we went to back in high school, but still. You and me… ‘nottogether’ again. We’ve come full-circle.”

I shook my head. “Maybe you have, but I was such a different person back then. You don’t know what it’s like to be a short, underdeveloped virgin in high school. I’d known you since we were ten, but you had always been super-popular and super-outgoing. You were out of my league, truthfully, and even once we started dating at the end of junior year, I wouldn’t have been able to even fathom we’d end up here, like this, eight years later. I figured you’d get bored of me and toss me aside like a worn-out toy and move on to a muscled football jock pretty quickly.”

Adrienne sighed. “In all fairness, I probably would’ve believed the same thing when we first started dating. You weren’t the man you are today back then, but I’m not the girl I was anymore, either.”

“You’re still super-popular and super-outgoing… more so now that you’re quite literally a super-model. Even a baseball cap and a baggy Cal sweatshirt like this can’t totally hide your beauty.” I gestured up and down at her attire. “Truth is: you’re still out of my league. You should be dating an NBA All-Star or a world-famous movie star or something, not a regular Joe like me.”

“As if. You’re the only man I want. The only man I’ve ever wanted.”

“And I appreciate that. Really, I do. At the same time, I’ve always wondered in the back of my head if I’m really just weighing you down. You belong in a New York penthouse amidst the glitz and the glamour attending galas instead of holed up in a suburban Berkeley house with me. You’re an attention-whore who loves the limelight while I’ve always tried to keep a low profile. We’re from different worlds, and we’ve been from different worlds since high school.”

Adrienne frowned. “What are you trying to say? That we don’t belong together or something?”

“Don’t get me wrong: I love you and will always love you. I cherish being the Rock you can always return to and depend on. But sometimes I think your natural state is being the Lamborghini that -I- can’t keep up with, and that I’m trapping you into my Toyota minivan life.”

Adrienne’s eyes narrowed as she reached forward with her other hand so that I would take it, and now holding both of my hands, she gave me a stern look and said, “Pardon my French, but you’re a fucking idiot if you actually believe you’re somehow trapping me into a Toyota minivan life.”

I blinked in surprise.

Adrienne’s lips curled into a smile. “I. Love. You. Tiger. Forever and Always. I lived my Lamborghini life, if that’s the way you want to put it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I left Manhattan to come back to you. I left the old apartment to come back to you. You’re Summer’s boyfriend now and I swore I’d never take that away from her, but I still love you and I meant what I said about never being farther away from you than next door, whatever it takes. I would gladly give up my supermodel life to live with you in the back of a Toyota minivan if I had to, is that clear?”

I smiled. “Crystal clear. And please don’t ever give up your supermodel life for me, alright? I would never want you to give up on your dream, especially not with your Tigress brand taking off.”

“And oh my goodness is it taking off,” Adrienne gave me a wry shake of her head with an expression of mildly stunned disbelief. “I’m getting SO busy it’s no wonder I’m seriously thinking about hiring a personal assistant.”

“Are you seriously thinking about hiring Sasha as your personal assistant?”

“Yes, actually. I was already discussing the idea of even having a personal assistant with Taylor before she… well… you know. When we were in New York for your Strawberry project, she and I had discussed what Charlotte really did for her in terms of booking gigs, managing finances, negotiating contracts, and doing press. It wasn’t that I was thinking of hiring Sasha at the time or anything, given that Sasha quite obviously was still traveling the world with no plans to come back. It was more that I was wondering if bringing a personal assistant into my life would be worthwhile or more of a pain. I mean, I still have to worry about people knowing your little family secret, remember. So hiring someone like Sasha would render that point moot, obviously.”

“I don’t want you basing that kind of critical life change solely on me and the twins. Would Sasha even know the first thing about being your personal assistant? I’d have to think there’d be hundreds of people more qualified purely from an experience standpoint.”

Adrienne shrugged. “There are two points of experience she’d need: experience in the industry, and experience with me. She’s been to enough of my shoots and events to at least understand the industry, and there’s nobody better qualified to understand the way I think and the kinds of decisions I’d want to make. And we both know she’s super-smart. She can learn quickly, and her career was already spent doing a lot of negotiating, so the skills can translate.”

I nodded slowly. “Hey, if you think she can do the job, I’m all for it. Plus, it’s a surefire way to keep you two spending more time together.”

Adrienne grinned. “Definitely a plus. And it’ll be flexible enough that if she wants to go globe-trotting for a few weeks here and there, I’ll be able to manage without her for a while. I’ve gotten by this long without an assistant, after all. And maybe I can even take my own hiatus from work at the same time.”

“Seems like a slam dunk, then.”

“I’m still thinking about it.” Adrienne sighed. “For one thing, I’m not sure I want an employer/employee relationship with Sasha. Charlotte is definitively subservient to Taylor, so that’s a completely different dynamic. Having spent so much time with Sasha as my girlfriend, I’m not sure I could ever bring myself to give her orders, you know? I don’t want work conflicts ruining our interpersonal relationship.”

I made a face. “Didn’t think about that. On the other hand, you were always the dominant one in your relationship. I think she’s already pretty used to following your lead.”

“By choice, not by employment. There’s a difference.”

“True. Then again, there’s the John Kwong/Miss Cooper dynamic. I don’t know as much about them in general, but they seem to make it work really well.”

“They do,” Adrienne agreed. “He’s still the boss, but she’s very much his right hand and feels completely free to state her opinion and act on her own initiative when need be.”

“Well there you go.”

“That’s a good thought.” Adrienne mused for a moment before switching gears. “Speaking of boss/employee dynamics, how have things been between you and Penny for the last week?”

I grimaced and started rubbing my forehead. “Do we have to? If there’s been a silver lining to all this, it’s been having an excuse not to think of my Penny situation.”

“That bad, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s bad. It’s just… unsettled.” I sighed. “Even though we didn’t hook up at all last week, I know she still has feelings for me. She tries her best to cover them, and I’ve gone out of my way to make clear to her I’m in no position to return her feelings for me. But it still feels like I’m leading her on, however unintentionally it may be.”

Adrienne nodded sagely. “Can’t stop sleeping with her, because you work together and she’ll complain… again… about feeling left out when you’re still hooking up with June and Mila.”

“I can’t stop. I know she’ll rebel if I try to return our relationship to one that’s purely platonic. I don’t want to get her hopes up into believing she can somehow earn my love if we continue, but at the same time, I need to find a way to make her feel like more than just a pussy to be used. To an outside observer, I know I’m coming off like a callous asshole who sees her as ‘good enough to bang but not good enough to love’, even though that’s not my intent.”

“So bring her into the harem.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Well your most direct comparison is June, right? Co-worker, had her little bit of falling in love with you and wanting to be a special one, but ultimately found a comfortable role in your life where you’re still physically intimate without expectations of anything more.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Did you forget about the family secret or something?”

“Didn’t forget, but maybe we can start small by bringing her to The Love Nest for weekday nooners. I already invited her once and would be perfectly happy to invite her again.”

I smirked. “YOU want some fresh pussy, don’t you?”

“Well I’m not gonna say ‘no’…” Adrienne gave me a wry grin. “But seriously, this isn’t about me. I saw the pining look on her face when she asked if you were ashamed of her. You said ten seconds ago you’re coming off like a jerk who thinks she’s good enough to pork but not good enough for anything else.”

“Inviting her to The Love Nest for nooners instead of going to her apartment for nooners isn’t gonna fix that.”

Adrienne waggled her head. “Well it’s a start. At least she won’t feel like you’re ashamed of her, isolating her to get your rocks off without integrating her with the rest of us. Step One is inviting her for Love Nest nooners with me and Summer and maybe June. Speaking of June, why haven’t you guys had a threesome in the office yet?”

I blinked. “Well… uh… that’s a good question. I think it’s a matter of timing. Like, Penny’s appreciated having regular lunchtime hookups at her apartment. June’s more spur-of-the-moment brainstorming sessions, plus she’s really fond of the conference table while Penny wants a bed. I’ve actually asked June if she wanted to join us at Penny’s apartment but she’s turned me down both times. And… well…”

Adrienne looked thoughtful before speculating, “Maybe they just don’t like each other.”

I popped my eyebrows. “Maybe. I mean, they like each other well enough as co-workers and they seem to get along in those respects, but you might be onto something. Although it’s not that they don’t like each other. I mean, they’re not antagonistic or anything. But maybe they’re just not attracted to each other in that way. Penny’s definitely shown more interest in the busty bombshells like you, Dawn, and Summer. And I’ve never seen her show any sexual attraction towards June.”

“Makes sense. June’s personality is kind of a turn-off. I can only imagine how much more abrasive her know-it-all attitude can be in the office.”

I snorted. “Both of them, really. Both June and Penny are frequently convinced they’re the smartest one in the room and go together like oil and water. Another thought: I wonder if maybe June and Kim are deliberately keeping things within the current harem. Not everyone looks at a hot babe and immediately thinks, ‘I’m gonna tap that.’ There are some people who are perfectly content with what they already have.”

Adrienne giggled. “You and I aren’t those kinds of people.”

“I’m pretty content with what I have.”

“But are you? Really?”

I squeezed Adrienne’s hand. “If I had nobody else but those presently with me for the rest of my life and never added a single new notch to my metaphorical belt, I would die a happy man.”

“That’s a nice sentiment, and I don’t doubt that you truly mean that. The same would honestly go for me, although I realize we’re not exactly suffering given the number of girls still presently with us in our lives… or the number of notches on our belts,” Adrienne drawled with a wink. “But at the same time, you and I both know we’d still enjoy a little fresh variety every now and again. That’s what makes us such a perfect fit.”

I chuckled. “True enough.”

“Okay so Step One: start inviting Penny to Love Nest nooners. Step Two, find ways to bond with Penny in ways other than sexual.”

“Shouldn’t the order of those two be reversed?”

“Pssht. No.”

I chuckled. “Fine. Continue.”

“Make sure not every lunch break is a nooner. Have some one-on-one lunches with her again. Invite her out to group lunches with us. You said she’s kind of a lonely cat lady, right? She could use some friends? We have friends in abundance, and I’m always happy to make nice with girls willing to eat my pussy, if you know what I mean.” Adrienne waggled her eyebrows for emphasis. “But seriously, the next time we hit the beach or some other group outing on a weekend we can invite her along. Have her come over for dinner during a weeknight. So long as we warn Eden ahead of time it should be cool. Maybe a weekend slumber party when Dawn’s here and Eden can stay at The Birdhouse with Emma. And during this whole process, we can put out little feelers to see if she can ultimately handle the family aspect of your life. You’ve had a pretty good track record with that stuff so far.”

“So far. Not sure how much I want to press my luck.”

Adrienne shrugged. “We’ll work it out.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so.”

I smiled at Adrienne’s confidence. “So I suppose that leaves that matter settled. And yet here we are, supposed to be celebrating your birthday together, and we spent all our time talking about Penny. I’m sorry. I should be making a better effort to make tonight special for you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Adrienne squeezed my hand. “Being with you is the only ‘special’ I need.”

The birthday girl beamed, and her face invited a kiss. I half-stood from my chair, leaned forward, and gave her a soft, slow-burn smooch. When I sat back down, I figured it was time to move forward with the next phase of my plan. So I called for the check, briefly checked my phone and smiled when I saw that I’d received my expected text from Dawn, and then got up to escort Adrienne back to the Porsche.

We chatted amiably for the short drive home, although Adrienne gave me a quizzical look when I parallel parked on the street in front of the house instead of going all the way down to the garage. When I circled around to open her door and escort her out, she arched an eyebrow and asked, “What’s going on?”

I smirked and replied with one hand out, “I appreciate you saying that being with me is all the ‘special’ you need. But at the same time, you and I both know you’d still enjoy a little extra special every now and again.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Why do you have a particularly diabolical look on your face right now?”

I grinned. “Trust me, my Tigress. Trust me.”

Adrienne snorted and then took my hand. She knew something was up but let me escort her out of the Porsche and up the front steps anyway. My key snicked in the lock and I opened the front door, ushering Adrienne inside with a hand at the small of her back, and she gasped at what awaited her.

Balloons and streamers filled the living room, and wrapped presents were piled in front of the fireplace. But Adrienne’s gaze quickly swept across the twenty-six people in the room: Dawn, Sasha, and Summer, of course. Kim, June, and BJ. Eden, Emma, and Eve. Bert and Lynne. Dayna, Monique, Brandi, and Jared. Even Mom and Dad made the trip. Kady and Noelle were over on the chaise lounge. And Jayden, Jordyn, Nora, Whitney, Neera, Mi-young, and Aline rounded out the assembled group.

And everyone shouted out in only slight discordance…

“SURPRIIISE!!!”

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