ASL2: Chapter 71 "Covet"

-- CHAPTER 71: Covet --

****

-- WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10, 2009 --

“Penny? Hey, what are you-- Mmff!”

My arms were suddenly full of passionate redhead. In all fairness, I was quite accustomed to that particular state of being - just not as often with this particular passionate redhead. Prying her off me, I took a step back. And while Penny kept her arms around my waist, she gave me enough room to shut the front door and turn to face her.

“Penny… what’s going on? What are you doing here? How did you GET here?”

“I bought a car last week,” she explained. “Nothing super-fancy, just a used Civic. I know how to drive; I’m from Indiana, remember?”

I blinked. “Did I give you my address at some point?”

“Please…” she drawled, rolling her eyes. Releasing my waist, she walked into the foyer, noticed the shoes set aside on the racks, and slipped hers off before descending the steps into the living room and slowly turning her head to scan my house. “Nice place. Not the kind of Playboy Mansion-esque harem house I thought you’d get with Adrienne, but nice.”

“Uh, thanks,” I muttered, following after. “But seriously… What brings you here to my house?”

Penny spun around to face me and put on an exaggerated pouty face. “I just missed you.”

I blinked. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the office.”

“I know, but I couldn’t wait that long,” she whined. “My roommate was home so I’d just holed myself up in my bedroom watching TV and couldn’t get my brain into it, you know? Winston crawled into my lap and I started stroking his fur while telling him… uh… well…”

Penny’s voice trailed off as she noticed my eyes narrowing at the mention of her having a conversation with her cat.

Pursing her lips, she took a deep breath and used both hands to clasp her opposite wrists in front of her midsection. I could see her fingers squeezing tight as she swallowed and fought to maintain her composure. And after taking a deep breath, she gave me a plaintive look and asked, “I couldn’t wait any longer for you to invite me over here, alright? Last Tuesday we talked about me understanding that our relationship is strictly physical. Harvesting peaches in the cubicle farm and all that, right? I’m not in love with you, but I am in lust with you.”

“We had a nooner at your apartment today. Are you really so horny you couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

“No, of course not. It’s not even that I’m so horny, but rather…”

Her voice trailed off again, and her fingers went white-knuckled as she gripped her wrists. I remained silent and waited her out.

She pursed her lips and looked away from me. “Are you ashamed of me? Like, are you trying to hide me from your friends and family?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Then why haven’t you ever invited me over?”

I frowned. “You wanted me to invite you over?”

“Of course! We talked about this last Tuesday.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Last Tuesday you said you didn’t want to suck up all of my time and just wanted a brainstorming session every so often and a few lunch dates. We’ve done that. Ours is a working relationship.”

“I thought we could also be friends. Don’t friends come hang out at each other’s houses? And I’m not counting us having nooner sex in my apartment.”

“I…” I sighed. “I didn’t realize you wanted to come over here and hang out.”

“Well, not just hang out…” Penny took a step forward and reached up to rub my pectorals. I was still bare-chested and clad only in my pajama pants. “I told you I didn’t have a ton of experience with other girls, but that I definitely liked it. I told you I was kinda hoping we might do something with Dawn, for example.”

“Dawn’s got an internship in Cupertino and she’s been spending the weekdays at her parents’ house.”

“Doesn’t have to be Dawn.”

“Actually, I do remember that conversation.” I rubbed my forehead while Penny continued fondling my chest. I just sort of let her while continuing, “I told you we’d play that stuff by ear.”

Penny shrugged. “It’s already been more than a week. If I keep waiting for you to ‘play it by ear’, I get the impression I’ll be waiting forever.”

I waggled my head. “I wasn’t… It’s not that I’m…”

“You said June’s involved in all that stuff because you live together; I don’t have that luxury. Can you blame me for realizing I’d have to step up and make something happen in order to… well… make something happen?”

I rubbed my forehead again.

She made a face. “You ARE ashamed of me.”

“I’m not ashamed of you. I’ve just got a very, very busy schedule and a very, very complicated love life.”

“I know that. I get that. That’s why I think consolidating your sex life would seem to be an ideal solution, right? Instead of worrying about how to fit me into your busy, busy schedule for any one-on-one time, it would be easier to just add me into a time when you’re already hooking up with someone else. That’s logical, right? I told you before I’d love to surrender my virgin asshole to you while going down on your girlfriend. Maybe even Adrienne? Gawd she’s effing gorgeous.”

“I LIKE the way she thinks!” Adrienne’s voice rang out from the second-floor railing, her voice easily carrying through the open space beneath the vaulted ceiling.

Penny and I both turned to look up. Both Summer and Adrienne were leaning forward, forearms atop the railing, dressed in nothing but bathrobes (although thankfully the bathrobes were both closed). There was no sign of Eden, who was most likely still in my bedroom wearing nothing but a bathrobe, and that particular thought reminded me of another reason I needed to shut down this situation with Penny before things got out of hand.

“We are NOT doing anything crazy tonight,” I called upstairs in a firm tone. “It’s late and I’m not in the mood.”

At first, Adrienne looked like she wanted to argue the point, but she recognized the seriousness in my tone and exhaled before flipping her hands palms-up. “Fine.”

Summer leaned in to whisper something into Adrienne’s ear, and recognition dawned on the blonde’s face.

“Ohhh…” Adrienne shot me an apologetic wince.

Turning back to face Penny, I stated evenly, “Look, I’d like to make clear that I’m not ashamed of you and not trying to hide you. I would like us to become better friends and I promise I’ll make a better effort in that regard. Tonight’s not a great time, but I think we can totally set up another chance for us to hang out and get to know some of the rest of my friends. You’ve already met Adrienne, but, well, uh… Summer… Penny. Penny… Summer.” I gestured with one hand up at the railing and then back to the redhead by my side.

Both Summer and Adrienne smiled and descended the stairs.

“Pleased to meet you,” Summer said brightly, taking both of Penny’s hands and then pulled the other girl towards her for a hug.

“Pleased to meet you, too,” Penny replied politely. “And may I say, you are absolutely  stunning.”

“Aww, why thank you!” Summer giggled and preened. “You’re quite pretty yourself.”

“Thank you, but I can’t hold a candle to either of you two.” Penny’s eyes went back and forth between both of the buxom bombshells. Her eyes roved up and down the girls in their bathrobes, spilling out enough lush cleavage to make clear that they wore nothing underneath. “I suppose I’m interrupting some intimate time he was supposed to have with both of you. Sure I can’t join in?”

“Penny,” I drawled a warning.

The redhead sighed.

“Another time, I promise,” Adrienne offered. “How about Friday?”

Penny smiled. “Friday’s good. I don’t get out much on Friday nights.”

Adrienne grinned and glanced at Summer. “Actually, I was thinking Friday at lunchtime. Your timing’s perfect. We can get lunch together first at a nice restaurant and then the four of us can retire to The Love Nest for a long lunch break - five if June’s interested in joining.”

Penny furrowed her eyebrows. “The Love Nest?”

Adrienne’s eyes glittered. “Ben didn’t tell you? I bought my old apartment and will be getting the keys tomorrow. I’m calling it ‘The Love Nest’. It’s within convenient walking distance of the office, perfect for a midday rendezvous, you know?”

Penny’s eyes got big and she clapped both hands over her mouth. “Ohmigawd! Really?!? You have NO idea how many times I knew Ben was visiting you at that apartment for a long lunch and wished to myself I could go with him. Really? I’d LOVE to!”

A rather predatory grin spread across my Tigress’s face, like a jungle cat sensing a fresh kill. “Then it’s settled! We’ll see you on Friday!”

****

-- THURSDAY, JUNE 11, 2009 --

Nothing tickled my balls, and I didn’t jerk awake.

No stray beam of sunlight woke me up.

The morning air was cold against my right cheek, the pillow reassuringly warm against my left. I was spooned up behind my girlfriend’s back, her red flame hair sweetly fragrant only inches in front of my face. The fingers of my left hand reflexively squeezed the large breast I was currently palming. My right hand firmed up over her hip, gently holding her in place while I reflexively ground my erection into her panty-covered ass. But rather than continue to hot dog her buns, I sighed and rolled onto my back.

Some days I woke up feeling absolutely incredible. All was right in my world, metaphorical birds sang, and my room was filled with the warm glow of sunlight even though all the curtains were shut. Waking up to find a girl’s wet mouth surrounding my shaft certainly helped me feel that way often enough. So did waking up to find myself spooned around a beautiful woman holding her bare breast in my palm while my morning wood nestled in the cleft of her ass.

But this wasn’t one of those days. I mean obviously, I had the bare boob in my hand and all that, and yet I couldn’t help but feel… unsettled. There were no particular warning alarms going off in the back of my head. As my sluggish brain booted up, I couldn’t think of any specific issues that needed to be addressed. I simply felt… off.

Disconcerted.

Ill at ease.

And I wasn’t in the mood for sex.

At first, I tried to snuggle back up to Summer’s back and exhaled slowly to try and force myself to relax. I had another twenty minutes before my alarm clock would go off, and didn’t really want to get out of bed yet. But some niggling thing in the back of my head bothered me, and I found myself wondering what Adrienne was doing right now.

She’d be asleep, of course. Even if she didn’t always sleep in until noon anymore, she’d still rather stay awake past two AM than get up at seven AM. And yet, I couldn’t shake the urge to check on her. So after reaching over to turn off my alarm clock lest it disrupt my girlfriend’s slumber, I quietly slipped out of bed, put on a shirt, and padded out of the room.

Adrienne’s bedroom door was closed, and I silently turned the knob to peek inside. Eden was curled up beneath the blankets, asleep and alone.

No Adrienne.

Frowning, I closed the door and checked the upstairs bathroom. The door was empty and the lights were off. So with furrowed eyebrows I headed for the stairs.

From the second-floor railing I looked down and saw enough artificial illumination to tell me the kitchen lights were on and heard the sounds of the coffee maker perking, both of which put me at ease. But although I realized that my Tigress was most likely safe and sound, I still had no clue why she would be up this early in the morning. Curious… and a bit concerned… I descended the stairs fairly quickly.

“You’re up early,” I remarked in a low voice as I entered the kitchen, instinctively keeping the volume down at this time of day knowing others in the house were still asleep.

Clad in a satin robe, Adrienne turned away from the coffee maker and glanced back at me over her shoulder. She gave me a weary smile and replied, “One could say the same about you.”

“I’m only about twenty minutes early,” I said with a chuckle. “You’re more like four hours early.”

Holding her arms out to me at shoulder height, Adrienne invited me to come hug her and then hummed agreeably when I squeezed her around her midsection. I twisted her gently side to side for a bit before relaxing and pulling my head back. Studying her face, I asked softly, “Are you alright?”

“Me? Sure. Why?”

“You mean apart from me finding you awake and making coffee in the kitchen before six-thirty in the morning?”

Adrienne winced and glanced away. “Couldn’t sleep. Woke up and my mind started going and wouldn’t turn off.”

“I know the feeling. Happened to me this morning, too.”

She smirked. “Is that why you’re down here with me instead of upstairs easing your big dick into your sleeping girlfriend?”

“Something like that.” I shrugged. “So what’s bothering you?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine, really.”

I arched an eyebrow. “I’ve never liked this word ‘fine’. It always seems like a word to cover up all manner of resentments.”

Adrienne had already started shaking her head with a rueful grin but let me finish the whole thing. Taking a step back, she turned to go grab a second coffee mug and started pouring coffee for both of us.

“I just felt unsettled this morning,” she explained with her back to me. “Couldn’t put my finger on anything in particular, but it was enough that I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“Today’s moving day on the apartment,” I pointed out and then opened my hand to accept the mug she’d extended out to me. We both drank our coffee black, at this point. She didn’t want the cream or sugar in her supermodel body, and I had gotten used to doing the same. “Picking up the keys. Bringing in new furniture.”

She took a sip and then shook her head in the negative. “Nah, it’s not that. If anything, I’d be excited about that. Can finally start having nooners with you tomorrow.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Is that it? Do you regret inviting Penny to join us tomorrow instead of christening the place by ourselves?”

Adrienne smirked. “I’m collecting the keys this afternoon. If it’s christening the place by ourselves that matters to you, we can always just do it tonight after work.”

“Doesn’t matter to me. I’m trying to figure out what’s bothering you.”

“I should ask what’s bothering you.” Adrienne smirked. “You got up early, too.”

“I only got up early because something in the back of my head told me something was wrong with you.”

“Really?” Adrienne mused on that for a moment and then glanced back at me. “Kinda like the thing Dawn always does when she senses you’re in trouble?”

I blinked. “Uh… well… I suppose. That doesn’t make logical sense, though, does it?”

Adrienne set her mug on the counter and then stepped into me for another hug. “Not everything has to make logical sense.”

I smiled, set my own mug down, and then squeezed her tighter, pulling upwards so that she had to get up on her tiptoes. She squealed happily and squeezed me tighter as well.

But after another minute, Adrienne sighed and dropped back down onto her heels. “I’m fine, really. There’s still time for you to go back upstairs and ease your big dick into your sleeping girlfriend.”

I snorted. “I’m awake and drinking coffee. It’s too late to go back to bed.”

“But Summer’s gonna get up confused that you didn’t wake her with your big dick pushing into her. I can see her now: ‘What did I do wrong? Does he not love me anymore? Is he getting sick of me? My world is coming to an end!’” Adrienne put the back of her wrist to her forehead and pretended to swoon dramatically.

I rolled my eyes. “When has Summer ever done anything like that?”

“Well, never,” Adrienne conceded with a smile as she stood up straight. “At least, not out loud, but we all know she can feel that way inside sometimes. That’s why we all go out of our way to make sure she has enough quality time with you and never feels neglected.”

I shook my head. “I think you all go out of your way too much to defer on Summer’s behalf. For as much as she talks about not wanting to be high-maintenance or demand my attention, the rest of you keep stepping back to almost make me give her more attention. Dawn, Kim, BJ, and Emma are already gone five days a week. In the meantime, I’m supposed to be spending more time with you, right? Weren’t we just talking about you not getting enough attention? Isn’t that why you’re getting the old apartment back? So you and I can spend more time together in the middle of the day?”

“Yes, of course. And Summer can come with me sometimes too, at least until school starts again. Penny wasn’t wrong with her logic about consolidating your sex life. I know you enjoy one-on-one dates for emotional intimacy, but when it comes to getting laid, the more the merrier and nobody gets left out!”

My eyes narrowed. Adrienne’s tone was mirthful but there was tension on her face. I still had my arms around her, and now I tugged on her lower back to press our midsections together. I didn’t have an erection or anything for her to rub against, I just wanted to hug her close. And with a look of deep concern, I asked, “Seriously… Please… What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine, Tiger.”

“Don’t ‘I’m fine’ me and think I’m gonna let it go. I get enough of that shit with Dawn already. You’re up super-early and for some reason won’t explain to me why. So I have to assume that whatever’s bothering you has something to do with me.”

“I can’t tell you why I’m up early because I don’t know why myself. I can’t give you answers I don’t have myself.”

“Something to do with ICON? Did Uli call you fat again? Did you talk to Sasha last night without me?”

Adrienne flinched at the last one, and I cocked an eyebrow. “So you did talk to Sasha last night without me.”

“No I didn’t,” Adrienne scoffed, rolled her eyes, and let go of me. I released her from my grip as she picked up her coffee mug and took a sip. “I haven’t talked to Sasha since we Skyped her on Monday.”

“But you still flinched when I brought up her name.”

Adrienne shook her head. “It’s nothing, Tiger.”

“If it’s nothing then you can tell me.”

She pursed her lips and looked away from me again.

“Adrienne, please. I’m just trying to help. I told you: I deal enough with Dawn hiding her true emotions from me and I’ve had to learn to accept that. I have faith in her, and I’ll have faith in you if that’s what you’re asking me to do. But try to see things from my point of view. There are only two logical reasons for you to not tell me something: One, because it’s about me; or Two, it’s not about me but for some reason you don’t feel like you can trust me with the information. Reason One I understand. You girls withhold that stuff to me all the time. But if you tell me it’s not about me, I have to assume it’s Reason Two. And I’ve gotta say it feels really shitty that after all this time of being your Rock, that for some reason you feel like you can’t trust me.”

“Tiger…” Her eyes were moist and she shook her head slowly. But she didn’t say anything further.

“So why won’t you talk to me? Reason One or Reason Two?” I finally asked.

“It’s definitely not Reason Two. I trust you implicitly. You ARE my Rock and will ALWAYS be my Rock.”

“So then it’s Reason One and it’s actually about me.”

Adrienne made a face. “It’s… I mean… Sasha. It’s about Sasha. Except, I’m not awake this early because of Sasha, because I never even thought about Sasha until you brought her up just now. I’m not hiding anything from you, Tiger. This isn’t a Dawn thing where she’s fighting an internal war with herself and doesn’t know how to let you in.”

“Except that you seem to be fighting an internal war with yourself and won’t let me in.”

“I don’t know why I woke up early, alright? I just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.”

“I don’t really care anymore. How about we focus on what you DO know is bothering you?” Leaning against the counter, I scooped up my coffee mug and took a sip. “Sasha. You said it was about Sasha. You also said it was nothing but then refused to tell me about it, hence the Reason Two issue about you NOT trusting me implicitly and circling back to it really being Reason One and actually about me.”

Adrienne sighed. “Because sometimes everything really IS about you.”

I blinked and pulled my head back. I’d actually gotten quite used to the girls saying, ‘Not everything is about YOU’, so to have Adrienne say the opposite was a bit of a surprise.

Adrienne exhaled slowly. “I honestly haven’t talked to Sasha since we Skyped Monday night, but we still text almost every day. Usually it’s just check-in stuff, you know? She tells me what bar she’s at, which friends of ours she’s hanging out with, and the occasional sexting photo.”

“Sure. And did she text you something last night that’s leaving you… unsettled… this morning?”

“No, not last night. She texted me Tuesday morning, actually, which because of the time zones was actually after midnight for her.”

“Tokyo’s what, sixteen hours ahead of us? What did she say?”

Adrienne sighed. “She said she was thinking about coming home.”

I blinked and jerked my head back in surprise. “REALLY?”

Adrienne nodded with a brave smile.

“That’s great!” I had to catch myself and take a deep breath, startled by my own volume.

“She didn’t say she WAS coming home. It wasn’t even a phone call. She was in some club somewhere in a weird mood. You were already at work, she and I got to texting, and in the middle of it she just sorta dropped… ‘I’m thinking about coming home.’” Adrienne took a deep breath and frowned. “I reacted the same way you did. I wrote back, ‘Really?’ I had a whole bunch of heart and kissy emojis. But she just went silent for a long while. I got those three dots… the ones that tell me she’s writing… but then nothing came. I finally wrote back to make sure she was alive, and she apologized and said one of her friends came to talk to her and that she had to go. Two hours later, she sent me a photo of some hot Japanese chick’s titties with nipple rings connected together by a silver chain.”

I snorted. “I’d love to see that one. She didn’t send it to me.”

Adrienne smirked and pulled out her phone. While Sasha, Adrienne, and I had a three-way texting thread for Sasha to share a lot of her touristy photos and chat with us both, I knew they had a one-on-one thread for more private stuff. And even though Sasha would sometimes include her sexting photos with me, I knew the majority of them went straight to Adrienne in the middle of the night.

Thirty seconds later, Adrienne turned her phone around to me. The Japanese girl in question had neon green hair in a hyper-stylized zig-zag cut and was currently holding up her baggy sweater to her chin to expose her perky A-cup titties. Adrienne swiped, and in the next shot Sasha was taking a selfie of herself licking one of the nipple rings, Adrienne’s heart chain still prominent around her neck. I took the phone from Adrienne’s hand and kept swiping. There were a dozen shots in all, so I had to keep swiping for a bit. And the last one from Tuesday morning had Sasha pointing her phone down the length of her own torso showing the green-haired Japanese girl eating her out.

Finally, I hit the ‘Done’ button on the phone, and the screen went back to the full text thread. Immediately after that last photo from Sasha, Adrienne had texted back: She’s cuuuute. Is that a tongue stud? Glad you’re having a good time. Miss you.

Sasha had written back: I know you do. But whether I come back or not, you still need to tell him. Open Communication and all.

The next line, Sasha added: And yes a tongue stud. You think I should get one?

I hadn’t meant to snoop. The texts were just there on the screen. But when I furrowed my eyebrows, Adrienne quickly snatched the phone away before I could scroll down any further.

I blinked and looked up at her. “Seriously, that was like the most conspicuous thing you could’ve done right there to make me even more curious. Sasha said you need to tell me something. What is it?”

“It’s nothing, Tiger.”

I took a deep breath and sighed. “Reason One or Reason Two? Is it about me or is it because you don’t trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.”

“Then trust me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because of Reason One.”

“Even if it’s Reason One, if you truly trust me, why can’t you tell me?”

“Because.”

Exhaling slowly, I turned and walked out of the kitchen for a moment. I paced away to collect myself, took another deep breath, and then returned.

Spreading my arms aside, I asked, “Do you covet me?”

Adrienne blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Do you want to be with me but believe you can’t have me because Summer’s my girlfriend now?”

“What?!?”

I shook my head. “Last night, I took a shower with Eden and came out to find you and Summer sitting on my bed talking about the word ‘covet’. You were discussing the negative connotations around her desire to fuck her mom, but when Eden asked you what you covet, you said you wanted Sasha to come back and be with you.”

Adrienne blinked. “I do covet that.”

I waggled my head. “Yeah, I know you do. But I also know you were lying through your teeth when Eden asked.”

“Was not. I told you a minute ago that Sasha was thinking of coming back, so it was at the forefront of my mind.”

“That’s a perfectly passable explanation, and yet for some reason I don’t think it’s the truth. You didn’t answer Eden’s question honestly, and even now you keep citing Reason One. A few minutes ago you said that sometimes everything really IS about me. Ergo cogito sum, you covet me.”

Adrienne frowned. “Did you just say, ‘ergo cogito sum’? Doesn’t that mean: ‘I think, therefore I am’?”

Waggling my head, I corrected myself, “‘Cogito, ergo sum.’ Not sure why I did that. Lemme try again: Ergo, you covet me.”

“Of course I covet you. I love you.”

I shook my head. “Loving me and coveting me aren’t the same thing at all. Even if you go by the textbook definition of: to wish for earnestly, the word implies wishing for something you don’t have. So if you actually covet me, then you’re wishing for something you don’t have. And if we go by the negative connotation version, it means you want something that doesn’t belong to you.”

Adrienne winced, turned her head away, and shook it slowly rather than verbally respond. Normally I might consider that answer enough, but this morning I didn’t feel like letting it go.

So I repeated, “Do you covet me?”

Grinding her jaw, Adrienne growled, “I don’t covet you.”

My eyebrows went up. “And now you’re lying again.”

“Ben, can we please just drop this?”

“Now I know you’re trying to cover something up. You just used my first name.”

“Tiger, I…” Adrienne threw her hands up and walked away again. But I followed immediately after and grabbed her wrist before she could make it as far as the kitchen doorway. She didn’t resist as I tugged her back to me, and before she could say a word, I wrapped her up in my arms and kissed her. Adrienne whimpered but clutched my shoulders and kissed me back, letting out a keening wail of pain but never stopping the movement of her lips against mine.

Adrienne started crying then, but she didn’t stop kissing me. I didn’t stop kissing her either, and in fact adjusted my hands and arms to hug her even closer. She whimpered and moaned but tried to furiously devour my mouth with her own. She tilted her head left and right, unleashing megatons of nuclear passion while raising her right leg to try and hook it around my waist and settling for just wrapping around my ass and upper legs.

I stooped to wrap my arms beneath her ass and hoisted her up in my arms. Adrienne was not a small girl, but she felt as light as a feather as I carried her over to the nearest countertop. The back of her head bumped against the dish cabinet just a bit when I set her ass on the counter, but she didn’t let go of my lips. Now firmly settled, she simply tightened her legs around my waist and renewed our liplock.

We kissed and kissed and kissed.

Time did not stand still. It ceased to exist.

The universe did not disappear around us. It simply turned into pure light.

There was no urgency to rip each other’s clothes off. I wasn’t horny, and neither was she. For so long the backbone of my relationship with Adrienne had been sex. I mean yes, we’d developed a bedrock foundation of emotional support with each other as well along the way, but for how long had “fucking the shit outta each other” been our way of making love?

How long had it been since I’d even thought about “fucking the shit outta each other” being our way of making love? When did making love become our way of making love? And I didn’t even feel the need to make love to her right now.

The ultimate Sex Object to surpass all other Sex Objects was not a sex object to me in this moment. She was Adrienne. She was My Tigress. She was in pain. And I loved her.

I’d always loved her.

And I didn’t want her to be in pain anymore.

So I kept kissing her.

I kept holding her.

I kept comforting her.

Because that’s what I do.

Eventually, time resumed its existence.

Eventually, the universe’s blinding light faded away to reveal the real world of our kitchen.

Eventually, Adrienne pulled away and rubbed the back of her head where it had bumped against the cabinet.

And with a bit of a wry grin she looked at me and then sighed.

“Talk to me, Adrienne,” I said quietly once we had both caught our breath. “Please?”

She stared at me for a long while, lips pursed and looking confused. She looked… scared… for lack of a better term. But I didn’t press her. I simply held her hips, stared into her eyes - stared into her soul - and willed her to understand how much she meant to me.

And finally, she spoke.

“You’re my Plan A, Benjamin,” she said quietly. “I’m not rebounding anymore. I’ll always love Sasha and I want her to come home, but even if she came home you’d still be my Plan A. I love you and I want to be your girlfriend again. I want to be your wife again. I want to bear your children, but I don’t want to settle for being co-parents. I don’t want to be in the house next door to yours, I want to move into your bedroom and take up ninety-five percent of your closet. I want to snuggle in your arms every fucking night and have you kiss me goodbye before going off to work. I want to go back in time to before we broke the engagement just so I could be your fiancée again. I want to walk around with your ring on my finger again, not just the promise ring on this hand but the engagement one right here.”

She held up both hands, first indicating the promise ring on her right hand but then pointing to the bare spot on her left fourth finger.

“I put it in my nightstand,” she continued. “Some nights I take it out and put it back on, just to lie in bed and stare at it. I play with BJ and imagine what our children will look like. I comfort myself in the knowledge that even if we never get married, you’ve still promised to father my babies. The babies I never thought I’d have. The babies I finally want not just for you, but for myself. I saw what happened to Taylor and JJ and how much her baby boy meant to her. How happy he made her. I asked her if she’d still have had a baby even knowing what the future held, and even though it all ended in tragedy, she loved the time with him that she had. I want that feeling someday. I do. I want to be your wife. I want to be the mother of your children. I want everything we ever used to dream of back when we were engaged. I want that government piece of paper that Dawn rejected, because you’re my Plan A, Ben. My Tiger. My Forever and Always love. And it fucking breaks my heart right now that you’re with Summer instead.”

I didn’t know how to handle that.

I mean, I’d obviously started to think Adrienne’s feelings had grown to the point where she was thinking these thoughts, because I knew enough to ask whether or not she coveted me.

But I wasn’t prepared for all that.

Having a sense that Adrienne might possibly want to get back together with me and hearing her say everything she’d just said were two very, very different things. And I found myself just… stunned.

Shocked.

Overwhelmed.

And I didn’t know what to say.

Adrienne read my face and shook her head. “See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you the truth. I know I’m being selfish again. I know I’m thinking about what -I- want, but I’ve been trying here, alright? I’m trying to be considerate of everyone else in our lives and understand how important they all are to you. How important they are to ME. Summer is amazing and sweet and everything you deserve in a wife. She puts your needs first and is devoted to your happiness in a way I can’t match. I’m an attention-whore who thinks about myself ninety percent of my day and then stops to think about you the other ten percent - and that’s an improvement on my previous ratio.”

“I think you’re selling yourself short. I think you’ve always been especially dedicated to my happiness - even when you lived in New York - and that’s just one of the many reasons why I love you.”

“I do value your happiness, but my M.O. is still to go after what I want and then stop and temper my impulses by pausing to ask, ‘Is this what Ben would really want?’ I mean, it’s nice that I temper my impulses now, but even that’s only been a minor improvement since Bora Bora. Like just last night when Penny showed up and you were trying to politely get her out of our house and keep a lid on her feelings for you, what did I do? I came marching out of the bedroom, interjected myself into a private conversation, and more or less invited a pretty fresh-meat redhead to go down on me while she surrendered her virgin asshole to you so I could get my own thrills! If it wasn’t for Summer reminding me that Eden was still half-naked in your bedroom, I could’ve totally fucked everything up. And even THEN, I still invited her over to the apartment tomorrow for a lunch orgy without consulting you first on a day when we might’ve been able to christen The Love Nest just the two of us!”

I held my hands up. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. I love your fire. I love your energy and creativity. I’ll grant you that maybe you need to think through the consequences of your impulses a little more like inviting Penny to The Love Nest or bringing Mila to the hotel in New York. But your being a sexual goddess that devours every pretty little thing in your path is intoxicatingly incredible and something I have absolutely no interest in removing from your personality. I love you for YOU, exactly the way you are.”

“I know you do, Tiger, and I love you for it. Your acceptance means everything to me and is just one of many, many reasons why I’ll need you in my life, for the rest of my life. But at the same time, I’m only too aware that Summer would make a much better wife for you than me. I’m ninety percent Adrienne and ten percent Tiger. Summer’s more like ninety-nine percent Tiger and one percent for herself.”

“And that’s a bad thing. I’m trying to get her to up that number.”

“Her ratio is still much better for someone to be your wife. Summer not only makes you her Number One, she prioritizes you above herself. I can’t match that.”

“I never asked you to. How many times do I have to tell you that I love you the way you are?”

“But who I am isn’t good enough. She’s better for you, straight up. Endlessly devoted. Always thinking of your needs first. And fuck, she even became a better ‘Pet’ for you than me!”

I blinked. “What?”

“Did you ever notice how I don’t wear the Tiger’s Pet collar anymore? Ever since you started calling Summer ‘Pet’ it became clear to me that the role I only playacted with you is real for her. I can’t touch the damned thing without realizing it’s an utter and complete lie.”

I frowned. “You wore it once when we tried the Shibari thing.”

“Tried and FAILED. I freaked out and had to stop. There I was… having psyched myself up to really and truly put myself in your hands with utter and complete trust, and I freaked out. I couldn’t move my arms, I couldn’t breathe, and I freaked out.”

“That’s normal. That’s natural.”

“That was a failure.”

“That wasn’t a failure to me. Not one bit. We tried it, it wasn’t comfortable, and we moved on. I never even thought about it again.”

“While I keep thinking about it every other day.”

I sighed. “It’s not like you to dwell on these things.”

“You’re right. It’s not. I hate it, and I don’t want to do it anymore. And yet here I am, unable to stop wanting to be your girlfriend again, to be ‘Tiger’s Pet’ again, no matter how hard I try.”

“Then don’t try to stop. Just be. If you want the girlfriend title back, I’ll happy give it to you.”

“Fuck no. You’re with Summer now.” Adrienne shook her head. “I won’t be the bitch that breaks up a happy relationship. I’ve had my chances and blown them. We were already engaged and I blew it.”

“I’m the one who fucked up our engagement.”

“We both fucked up our engagement, and I let you walk away instead of fighting to keep you. Kim keeps telling me I need to step up and fight for you, even now. She told me I had another chance after Valentine’s, but I hesitated. Sasha told me I had to openly communicate with you how I really feel, even if just to say I was uncertain… unsettled. And even Dawn asked me point blank if I was ready and willing to be everything you needed me to be before we talked to Summer about becoming your official girlfriend. ‘Just say the word,’ Dawn told me, ‘and I’ll do everything in my power to help you become his wife.’ But I chickened out. I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t feel worthy. I still missed Sasha. I feared what I might do if I actually became the Queen Bee.”

“I think you make an excellent Queen Bee already.”

“I want to love you as a girlfriend, and ultimately as a wife,” she continued. “I want to be with you forever.”

“I want to love you as a boyfriend, and ultimately as a husband. -I- want to be with you forever.”

She stopped and shook her head. “You can’t be husband to both me and Summer at the same time.”

“Sure I can. Dawn’s already called me ‘husband’ a time or two, and she’s committed to being my wife in everything but name more times than I can count. Even IF I married Summer, I’d be husband to both of them, and I’d happily be husband to you. I’m literally the poster child at this point as proof that a nuclear family doesn’t have to be one man and one woman.”

“But only one of us can be your titled wife on paper, and right now Summer’s got the inside track.”

“The future isn’t set in stone. Our destinies are not bound by fate. We make our lives what we want, and I have already promised to love you and be your rock Forever and Always. I tell you I love you every single day, and I mean it. Yes, Summer is my official girlfriend at the moment, but there’s no rule saying she has to be the only one. Seriously, how many times in my life already have I had more than one official girlfriend at a time? And I’d love to have you be official again.”

“I can’t do that. You talk about Summer being brighter than the sun, but I’d be the shadow that eclipsed her in your heart. I won’t do that to her. If Summer and I were both your girlfriend at the same time, we both know I’d wind up dominating her and becoming your ‘Number One Girlfriend’ or ‘Primary Girlfriend’ the way I was when we were engaged, however unintentionally. I already did it to Sasha, didn’t I? Maybe Summer and I would both cuddle with you every night in bed together, but I’d naturally take charge - take advantage of her submissive nature - and start bossing her around. Maybe she’d happily defer to me the way she always does. Fuck, we both know she’d voluntarily take a step back and be all, ‘You should marry him A.D. You’re the one he’s meant to be with.’ She even does it with me NOW!”

I blinked. “She does?”

“She knows I’ve been conflicted about my feelings for you. She’s told me a dozen times already that she’d happily step aside if I truly wanted to be your wife, and the selfish bitch inside me keeps wanting to say, ‘Hell yes!’ because I DO love you and I DO want to be with you forever. You ARE my Plan A, and in plain simple fact, if you weren’t Summer’s official boyfriend right now I’d be fighting for you with every ounce of my heart!”

I smiled. “Then fight for me.”

“No! I WON’T fight for you. Not against her! Don’t you get it? How fucked up would that be if I ruined my own friend’s chance for Happily Ever After? I’ve GOT a permanent place in your life already. You’re my rock, my adoptive brother, and you’ll eventually be the father of my children. Summer doesn’t have any of that, and if she loses her place in your life, what happens to her? That girl would fucking kill herself if you broke up with her.”

“First of all, Summer’s not a child, and the more everyone in our lives tries to treat her with kid gloves the more it’s gonna stunt her growth. Kim cancelled Kim Mondays because she didn’t want Summer pining away for me. You and Dawn go out of your way to give her more one-on-one time with me even when she’s neither asking for it nor necessarily needs it. If you two keep doing that she’ll never speak up for herself. You’re enabling her submissive behavior at a time when she’s stated she wants to grow.”

Adrienne shook her head and the tears started flowing down her cheeks. “I’m not trying to defer to Summer just for her feelings. I’m trying to keep a lid on MINE. Yes, I want more of your attention. Yes, you’re my Plan A and I spend hours on end pining for you, texting with Sasha about how much I love you, but I am TERRIFIED of becoming the bitch that muscles Summer out of your life and eclipses the sun! Fuck, I never should’ve told you any of this!”

Stepping into her, I wrapped up Adrienne in a bear hug and squeezed her so tightly I’m surprised I didn’t break some bones. She whimpered and sobbed while I rocked her from side-to-side. I didn’t say a thing, instead trying to reassure her and comfort her with my presence and the strength of my arms. And eventually she managed to stop blubbering and quieted down.

Only then did I relax my grip, but I didn’t release her and held her close enough that her face was pressed to my left shoulder while my chin was hooked over hers.

“I’m very glad you told me all this. I appreciate you being honest with me about your feelings, about opening up and telling me I’m your Plan A,” I told her sincerely. “I never wanted you hiding this stuff from me, for any reason. I’m not saying Sasha’s idea of Open Communication is the answer to everything, but it’s a helluva lot better than whatever the fuck we’ve been doing for the past few months if we’re standing here now having this conversation before 7am on a random Thursday.”

Adrienne snorted and then sniffed rather than let snot leak out of her nose any further.

“I’ve been trying to get into your head ever since New York and you first complained about being my Plan B,” I continued. “The Taylor thing kind of short-circuited our time together, but even afterwards I still wanted to know where your head was at. I’ve never wanted to trap you. ‘Adrienne keeps her independence’ used to be a mantra, and even though you’ve since told me you want to feel like you belong to me, I never wanted to hold you back if you truly believed your lifelong partner should be another woman. I was okay with being co-parents while you married someone else. And even now that you’re telling me I’m your Plan A, I understand that a part of your heart will always yearn to have romantic feelings for someone else.”

“Summer will never have romantic feelings for someone else; just you. Summer will be utterly devoted to you and constantly think of what’s best for you first. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re my Plan A. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re my Number One. I may think of myself ninety percent of the time, but this one falls into the other ten. I know I’m not the best wife for you. I know I’m not worthy and I believe she’s the better fit. I’ll still be in your life. I’m not going anywhere, and I swore to never be farther away from you than next door if I can help it. I do need more time with you, I hope getting the old apartment will help with that, and if nothing else I suppose the open communication at least let me unburden myself with all these thoughts and feelings so I don’t feel all the pressure bottled-up inside. I feel better about that now.”

I smiled and pulled my head back while running my fingers through her hair, and then I reached up to wipe away her tears from her cheek. “I’m very glad you feel better, and I want you to know how much I love you too. I have to admit, I’m a little shell-shocked at the moment. I mean… I kinda got the sense that you were holding back your feelings for me, but I didn’t realize just how much.”

Adrienne’s lower lip quivered. “I don’t think I realized just how much myself.”

“I think I gave up on the idea of you and me ever coming back to the point of considering marriage again. But to hear you say all this right now, I find myself recons--”

“I DON’T want you considering it again,” she cut me off. “I don’t. Not happening. Summer’s your girlfriend, your primary. I love you, but it turns out you’re absolutely right: I covet you. I wish for you quite earnestly because I can’t truly have you in that way. And I want, very badly, something that doesn’t belong to me. You belong to Summer. I can’t be your girlfriend, Ben. And I can’t be your wife.”

Her use of my first name landed in my stomach like a lead weight. There was a finality to Adrienne’s voice, and a look of resignation on her face. I shook my head, pursed my lips, and prepared to continue arguing with her. But just then, the sound of a key sliding into a lock pierced the silence around us. And a moment later June walked in at her usual time, dressed for work and ready to start the day.

Adrienne let go of me, wiped her cheeks, and scooped up her coffee mug.

“I’m not giving up on us,” I told her quietly.

She shook her head sadly. “I’ll love you Forever and Always, Tiger. But this is how it has to be.”

****

“You’re daydreaming again.”

I didn’t immediately respond to the comment. My head remained in a fixed position, my entire body as still as a department store mannequin. I hadn’t heard her, not consciously. My gaze was pointed straight ahead, but my eyes were unseeing and my mind was lost in its own thoughts.

Soft lips were suddenly pressed to mine: supple, warm, moist. My lizard brain reacted on instinct to kiss back, and my eyes closed as I inhaled sweet perfume, felt an agile tongue dart into my mouth, and then felt a pair of warm hands reach up to hold my head.

Rather than fight it, I went along with the kiss, just enjoying the simple pleasure that somehow made me feel better. But just when the steadily increasing passion reached the tipping-point beyond which it might inevitably become a prelude to sex, I pulled back and shook my head to clear it.

Penny’s brilliant blue eyes stared straight at me from inches away. The pretty redhead had plopped herself sideways into my lap and beamed at me, quite pleased with herself.

I blinked several times, a bit at of a loss for where I was and the time of day, although I quickly realized I was in my office and that it was nearly lunchtime.

“Where’d you go, Boss?” Penny asked me, head cocked to the side. “Dreaming about me, perhaps?”

My first instinct was to reply with some clever, flirty line about how even a dream could never be as sexy or amazing as the real Penny, but tamped down on that impulse and said nothing instead. Best not to lead her on any further than I already had.

Penny’s expression had started to brighten with mine, but when no clever, flirty line came forth, she pouted and sat up straight. “Ready to go to lunch?” she asked.

I winced and sighed. Leaning to my left to look past her body, I glanced at my screen and muttered, “We don’t have time today.”

“There’s always time.”

“Seriously, we have to give a project presentation tomorrow morning and we are NOT done yet.” I raised both eyebrows. “Adrienne invited you over to the apartment tomorrow. You can last until then.”

“Easy for you to say. You still get to go home to your girls tonight. It’s not like you’re staring celibacy in the face.”

I rolled my eyes. “Keeping your panties on for another twenty-four hours isn’t ‘staring celibacy in the face’.”

“Just a quickie over the conference table? Please?”

I rubbed my forehead. “Penny, seriously. I am NOT in the mood. You said you knew what it was like to get pressured into doing something you didn’t want and would never do the same to me again.”

Penny looked taken aback and she pursed her lips. Nodding slowly, she muttered, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I should never just expect you to whip it out and service me on command.”

“Thank you.”

She winced. “You’re just too gooood.”

I chuckled. “I’ve heard that before.”

“It’s the truth. It’s why I can never seem to get enough of you and keep craving more and more. But you’re right: it takes two to tango and if either of us isn’t in the mood, it shouldn’t happen. Not that you’ll ever need to worry about me NOT being in the mood for you, but… like… the sentiment is there, at least.”

“Sure.”

Taking a deep breath, Penny stood up and headed for my office door. I arched an eyebrow, surprised she would just get up and leave without a word, but then I understood when she merely closed the door and returned to me. At least by leaving the blinds open, I figured she wasn’t going to try and seduce me or anything.

Penny perched on the edge of my desk, folded her arms across her chest, and stated, “Talk to me.”

I blinked. “What?”

“I’m serious. We’re friends, right? Now I can’t say I’m the best when it comes to maintaining friendships, but even I know that friends are supposed to listen to each other’s problems and offer moral support. So… talk to me.”

I sighed. “Penny, we’ve got a ton of work to do.”

“You can afford ten minutes to talk to me, and you’ll be more efficient once you’ve gotten stuff off your chest, because I know for a fact that you weren’t daydreaming just now about work. Something’s going on in your personal life. And as someone who thus far has been distinctly outside of your personal life, I’m the ideal candidate for you to talk to.”

“While I appreciate the sentiment, it’s unnecessary. I’m fine.”

Penny frowned and waggled her index finger. She looked peeved for a second before snapping her fingers and muttering, “June told me your definition for ‘fine’. Something about covering up the truth.”

I snorted and then quoted, “It’s a word to cover up all manner of resentments.”

“What are you resenting right now?”

I waggled my head. “I’m not ‘resenting’ anything right now. But I am… brooding.”

“Over what? It’s not work, so I’m gonna have to assume your love life. Something go wrong with Summer? Adrienne? Oh, shit, is this about me and more or less inviting myself into your house last night? I know that was really impulsive and I shouldn’t have done that. You must think I’m this crazy stalker that bought a car just so I could drive across The Bay and show up at your front door unannounced.”

I arched an eyebrow at her questioningly but didn’t actually ask, ‘Well did you?’

Penny blushed and continued, “But if I’m taking your silence to mean it wasn’t about me showing up at your house last night, then it’s something else. Summer? Adrienne? Dawn? June?”

Penny had been studying my face as if I would somehow twitch or wince or otherwise involuntarily react to the names she was rattling off and therefore give away my darkest secrets. But I just frowned and waited her out.

“Or is it everything and all of the above?” she posited. “Are you just feeling overwhelmed at the moment, like you’re juggling too many balls in the air and struggling not to drop anything? Big project presentation tomorrow. Needy girlfriends, plural. Sick kid? Or maybe just missing your kid since he’s been spending all week away from you? Family issues with your parents or sisters? And a certain redheaded coworker who seemingly can’t go more than twenty-four hours without getting your dick in her twat and doesn’t know when to shut up keeps pestering you and pestering you when you’d rather she just leave you alone so you can work?”

I shrugged, sort of half-rolled my eyes, and gestured towards her with one hand.

Penny shot me an almost embarrassed look and got up from the desk. “Okay. I get that your life feels really unsettled right now, and I realize that you and I don’t have the kind of close, intimate relationship that would lend itself to you confessing that kind of stuff to me. But please just know that I really am just trying very hard to be your friend here, alright? I have an ulterior motive, obviously. You being in a sour mood is the primary reason I don’t get to drag you out to my apartment so I can get a royal pounding today, so it’s in my best interests to find a way to fix your mood.”

I snorted and nodded. “Well thank you for your honesty, at least.”

Penny turned around and half-bent over my desk. “Come to think of it, would letting you whip it out and give me a royal pounding right now help you feel better at least? That way we both win?”

I rubbed my forehead. “Penny, please.”

“Alright, alright.”

Just then, the office door opened and June walked in, her closed laptop in hand. Penny abruptly stood up straight from the desk and turned back around to face June, her face a little pale.

June looked particularly Vulcan-esque, with an arched eyebrow and a scrutinizing gaze. Her eyes clicked back and forth between me and Penny for a moment before narrowing. “Why does it feel like I’m always interrupting something today?”

Penny gave her an embarrassed smile before glancing at me. “I’ll get right on that ROI analysis, Boss.”

“Thanks, Penny,” I replied evenly. And then June and I watched the redhead walk out the door.

After she was gone, June glanced back at me with another Vulcan-esque arched eyebrow. “Wanna talk about it?”

I rolled my eyes and told her flatly, “No.” And then I rolled my chair back up to my desk and started typing.

****

Summer picked up on the second ring. “Hello, Great Love of My Life.”

“Hello, Sunshine,” I replied wearily as June and I walked out of our office and headed for the elevators, my phone in my pocket with my earbuds plugged in: standard operating procedure for me to call my girlfriend and let her know I was leaving.

“It’s already eight o'clock. I know you work long hours sometimes, but this is crazy.”

“I know, I know. Couldn’t be helped. We have a big presentation tomorrow morning and had to make sure everything was finished.”

“Did you already eat something at least?”

“Yeah. I sent Penny to pick up some take-out teriyaki bowls a couple of hours ago. We’re good.”

“Alright then. I made dinner but I already put it in the fridge. You can have it for breakfast tomorrow or something.”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you soon.”

“Actually, can you come over to Mom’s house? I’m here right now.”

“Uh, sure. What’s going on?”

“She wanted to talk to me… about the stuff we ended up talking about last night.”

I actually paused and looked behind me, half-expecting to see Rakesh trying to eavesdrop on my conversation. But June was the only one nearby, and she gave me her Vulcan-esque arched eyebrow one more time.

I shook my head and focused on the call. “Yeah, sure. I can come over.”

“Great! See you in about… forty-five minutes?”

“Just about. I love you, Sunshine.”

I could feel the warmth of Summer beaming from the other end of the line. “I love you too.”

****

With my Triumph’s engine rumbling with a deep purr, I let the motorcycle coast all the way up the driveway and braked just before running into the roll-up garage door. Turning off the engine and then dismounting the bike, I doffed my helmet and carried it with me to the front door.

Upon ringing the doorbell, my phone chimed with an incoming text message. I checked it and saw a message from Summer reading: Hey is that you?

I typed back: I’m at the front door.

She wrote back immediately: It’s unlocked. We’re upstairs.

With a shrug, I opened the door, shut it behind me, and made sure to lock up. I hadn’t forgotten that Summer’s ex-boyfriend Toby had mysteriously shown up out of nowhere. And even though Adrienne’s PI company was still keeping tabs on him in SoCal, I just didn’t like the idea of Summer leaving the front door unlocked.

With that in mind, I ascended the stairs fully intent on reminding both Summer and her mom of the need for safety. But when I got to the top of the stairs, a breathy, erotic moan from the end of the hallway quickened my heartbeat.

And then a moment later, a low voice carried out from the open bedroom, murmuring softly, “Eat me, Summer… Eat me…”

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