Plan for the Galaxy Chapter 38
Added 2023-09-11 16:03:04 +0000 UTCThis is a fresh finish on the latest PFTG chapter. I actually had some time to write this thing and I am glad that I could push it ahead of schedule like this. Having the time to write was what this page was all about, so I am glad that I was finally able to do that. I have already started on the next chapter too so I hope to keep getting ahead.
As the top tier, I felt it only right that you took a look first and tell me what you think. Do I need to make changes?
Comments
I also am happy that Ashley and him made up and that the dislike was actually more of a misunderstanding of what he had meant. The rest of my review is in a reply to another (I accidentally put it there)
Eva Cole
2023-10-31 21:02:33 +0000 UTCI really like this chapter. I do think that kaiden is driven more by jealousy than any actual logical reason (mostly because brock's past is none of his business). I'm happy that Valern left the matter alone because the slaver isn't really worth the trouble
Eva Cole
2023-10-31 21:01:01 +0000 UTCI hope they crew does want to find people who helped put the attack together
Eva Cole
2023-10-31 20:57:52 +0000 UTCI'm super looking forward to the next chapter. The crews reaction to the attack on Brocks Orphanage and the fact that he has an adopted daughter will hit like a tidal wave. I'm expecting that they might hunt down accomplices or the benifator of the attempt.
LockNesTom
2023-10-31 01:41:18 +0000 UTCIt was actually going to be a thing I address in a later chapter. A lot of it though is because it's kind of frowned upon for officers to be all 'buddy buddy' with their subordinates in the military. They tend to prefer to keep some distance to maintain the sort of respect that leadership requires or some such. But I can put that in sooner without any issue. At least, that's how it is in the army and air force, not so sure about navy, but I kept the same thing here.
Bored Peasant
2023-09-11 23:18:27 +0000 UTCGood chapter. I do like that you use a lot of dialogue to move the story forward instead exposition or constant introspection. Also, most Mass Effects fics I’ve read before are depressing and angsty, so it’s refreshing to have a well earned win based on planning not plot armor so kudos for that. The only thing I find annoying is that everyone calls commander Shepard by her last name; in the game they called her that because you could choose the first name but here it’s just weird. It’s makes more sense for the military guys to call her Captain or Spectar. Ms Shepard if you want to be formal but generally using her first name would make more sense (which I don’t remember what you chose anymore) for non military. But it’s a minor thing I suppose. Thanks for the chapter
BuzzGrave
2023-09-11 17:53:13 +0000 UTC
