Fuckin' Bet

“...And what the fuck do you know, Rock? You think you know me? You don’t know shit!”

The shithead Japanese man just sighed as he knocked back a shot of whiskey. “It’s not about knowing you, Revy. It’s about knowing basic human biology. A person - ANY person - can’t drink fifteen pints of alcohol without dying.”

Revy narrowed her eyes. “Fuckin’ bet, dickfuck.”

“No!” Rock insisted. “Not even someone who was seven feet tall and several hundred pounds could drink that much! And you’re-”

“I’m what, huh?” Revy hissed, getting up in Rock’s stupid face. “You better not say that I can’t do it ‘cause I’m some tiny lady or some bullshit!”

“Again, that’s NOT what I’m saying,” Rock said adamantly. He cleared his throat, then stared Revy directly in the eyes (a feat that very few people dare to try). “I’m saying that you, as an averagely-sized woman, would ESPECIALLY die from drinking that much.”

“Fuck off!” Revy yelled. She slammed her fist on the bar and shot to her feet to stand over Rock. “I’m gonna fuckin’ do it, and if you try to stop me, I’m gonna give you new assholes where your fuckin’ eyes are!”

A huge sigh came from behind Revy. Dutch’s voice called out over Revy’s hazy rage, saying, “I don’t wanna say it, Revy, but Rock’s right. It ain’t about who you are or being tough. Drinking that much either ends with someone puking their guts out or having more booze than blood in their veins.”

Revy whipped around to glare at Dutch. Just like Rock, the massive black man also met her piercing eyes unflinchingly. “Dutch, don’t you fuckin’ dare. I’m doin’ this. I’m doin’ this, and then I’m gonna cram my foot up Rock’s ass for bein’ a smug piece of shit about it. If you keep talkin’ then I’m gonna have to walk home on my fuckin’ hands since both of my feet will be fuckin’ occupied.”

Dutch let out another loud sigh and shrugged. “Fine, whatever. But I’m not paying to clean up your mess or for your funeral.”

“Like I’d get a funeral anyways,” Revy said with a sneer. She turned to face Bao, the Yellowflag Bar’s owner and barkeep. “Bao, keep puttin’ pints of that shitty stuff you serve to folks who don’t know better in front of me until I pass out or my foot’s up Rock’s ass.”

Bao, who had been listening in on the whole conversation being the nosy barkeep fuck he is, just shrugged. “Sure, so long as someone’s paying.”

“Put it on Rock’s tab.”

“Hey!” Rock protested, but Revy just smirked as Bao started to fill up a pint glass with shitty beer. The glass made a solid thunk on the bar in front of Revy as it was set down. Normally, Revy never drank this shit since it was no better than piss for getting her drunk, but there was no way in fuck she was gonna drink over ten pints of the good stuff. It’d be a waste of good booze.

Revy picked up the glass and started pouring the pisswater down her throat. It didn’t even scorch her throat on the way down. What was the fucking point of this stuff? She drained the whole pint in ten seconds flat, then slammed it down for a refill. She smirked at Rock. “Better get fuckin’ ready to lose, prissy shithead.”

“Again, I’m NOT betting on this!” Rock responded, annoyed. “And I’m not paying for this! Are you hearing me, Bao!?”

“Sure, sure, loud and clear,” Bao said dismissively as he refilled Revy’s pint glass. “But if I don’t get paid, don’t blame me if you end up in a suitcase instead of a boat the next time you go out to sea.”

Revy laughed as she grabbed her refilled mug. She threw this one back as well, sending the entire contents of the glass down into her gut in another ten seconds. She belched and pushed the glass back to Bao for another refill. The booze wasn’t getting to her at all! This was gonna be easy as hell!

Rock was quiet as Revy grabbed for her third pint. He just sat there and watched as Revy’s throat worked its magic, moving yet more of the golden liquid into her gut. Then, as she let out another large belch, he said, “You know how much fifteen pints is, right?”

Revy scowled at him. “Yeah. It’s fifteen pints. I’m not fuckin’ stupid.”

“Fifteen pints are almost seven kilos.”

“So what?”

Rock shook his head. “You’re trying to drink over one-tenth of your body weight in beer. Screw the alcohol - you’re not even going to be able to fit that much inside of your stomach.”

Revy flipped him the bird and drained yet another pint into her gut. She blatantly ignored the growing tightness she was feeling in her gut and shoved her finger in Rock’s face. “So - fuckin’ - what - fuckface!? I told you, I’m doin’ this!”

“Mind telling that to your own body then?” Rock said, “‘Cause it looks like you’re already having trouble fitting just four pints.”

“What the fuck are you-” Revy started as she looked down at herself, but she stopped. What the hell? Her stomach was already pushing out! She looked like she’d gotten knocked up just a few months ago! But how!? She didn’t even feel drunk yet! “What the fuck is this?”

Rock sipped on his whiskey. “All that liquid has to go somewhere. Did you think food and drink just disappeared once you swallowed it?”

Revy stared down at herself for a moment longer, then shook her head. “So what!?” Revy growled. Bao had topped her glass off again, so she threw back her head and chugged down this one too. She winced as she felt her stomach physically expand from all that booze entering so quickly. Her burps before had been choices, but now as she belched, it was because her tight gut was practically forcing all the gas up her throat.

This… was gonna be harder than Revy first thought. But it would be worth it to cram her smug fist down Rock’s smug throat after she did it. TOTALLY worth it.

Revy didn’t want to, but she slowed down during her sixth pint. Her stomach was feeling a bit wobbly with all the beer in there as if it might turn upside-down at any moment. She needed all that booze in there to stay in there, so she had to go slow to keep it in. Even still, she got the whole glass down in under a minute.

Glass seven was pretty much the same, but even slower. Revy felt her hand moving to her gut to rub it, trying to soothe her own rebelling body. God, she was fucking big already. Her gut jutting out something fierce. Hell, it was starting to creep past her tits, and she was in no way flat. She was gonna look fully fucking pregnant after she finally did this.

Revy crammed her eighth pint down into her gut, then had to take a minute to herself. Her gut was starting to hurt now from being so full. It was rumbling and fighting all the time too, trying to make Revy lose it all. She had to clench her jaw to keep her body from even trying. But she could do this. She was over halfway. She just had to force a bit more into herself. Just a bit more…

Revy silently groaned as she picked up her mug for the ninth time. This one was a slog, with her actually drinking the shitty beer instead of slamming it down. She really got to appreciate just how awful the crud was thanks to that, reminding her yet again why she didn’t usually bother with the stuff. Fuck beer.

The empty glass thudded hollowly onto the table as Revy let out her loudest belch yet, followed by a series of smaller burps. She clutched at her gut with one hand, internally begging for it to stop hurting so damn much. She felt so fucking tight and full. Her fingers barely even sank into it anymore. It almost felt like she’d swallowed a fucking rock the size of her own head.

Bao set yet another pint down in front of Revy. She eyed it warily, feeling sick just from the sight of it. But then, like the devil himself, she heard Rock chuckle. “See?” the bastard said, “It’s not even about the beer itself. The stomach just isn’t meant to be able to hold that much in it. Now c’mon, let’s get you to the toilet so-”

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” Revy snarled. She glared daggers at Rock out of the corner of her eye. Then, without a single rational thought in her brain, Revy grabbed the fresh pint and chugged the whole damn thing as if it was her first.

FUCK. FUUUUUCK. Revy clutched at her stomach, clamping her jaw shut both to keep everything down and to stop herself from crying out. It hurt so badly. It hurt SO fucking badly. She’d been shot, stabbed, beaten half to death, and hit by cars, and yet this - yeah, ok, it wasn’t that bad, really. But it still hurt like a fucking bitch.

A bit of heat started to fill Revy’s cheeks. It was about God-damn time that Revy started to get drunk. She needed the liquid painkiller right about now if she had a shot in hell of doing this. She bared her teeth at Rock and growled, “Fucker, you better start *URP* apologizin’ right fuckin’ now.”

Rock didn’t apologize. He just rolled his eyes. “Why should I? It’s not like you’ll remember it tomorrow.”

“Ha!” Revy laughed. “I’m not even tipsy yet, so how’s that gonna work, huh? This pisswater’s NEVER gonna get me drunk at this rate!”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that,” Rock sighed. He sipped at his drinks gain, then glanced down at Revy’s middle. “Still, though… if I apologize, will you stop? It really does look like you’re going to burst something.”

“I. Ain’t Stopping. SHIT.” Revy declared. She took a huge swig out of her eleventh pint, then belched again. “I said I’m doin’ this, so I’m DOIN’ THIS, and that’s THAT.”

Revy kept going like this, taking a huge gulp before giving her stomach a second to adapt. Each new gulp made her gut twinge with pain and made her skin prickle, but it was working. She was getting everything down, slowly but surely.

The last swig of beer slipped down Revy’s throat. She grimaced as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Her gut was soooo tight… and her belt was squeezing her stomach tight as well. She ran a hand along her lower gut, feeling how much it was ballooning over the top of her shorts. “*HIC* Fuck… I gotta…”

Revy fumbled with her belt for a moment before finally managing to undo it, giving her stomach some much-needed room. She groaned in relief as her gut wobbled forward, easily pushing out another half an inch. God fucking damn, that felt good. And her gut didn’t hurt nearly as bad anymore either! She could finish this thing now, easy!

However, of course, Revy regretted her thoughts almost immediately. She only managed to fit half of her twelfth pint inside of her gut before the pain in her middle started to get too strong to bear again. She crushed her stupid body while she forced herself to slow down again. She hiccupped and rubbed her stomach slowly, urging it to keep going. Fuck. Fucking fuck.

It was getting kinda hot in the bar. Revy fanned at her face as she took a minute to breathe. Her stomach groaned and rumbled nonstop, but the longer Revy sat on her stool, the less she seemed to notice. The pain in her gut also seemed to be fading away. Ha! She knew it! She could TOTALLY do this! She just needed to take her time with it!

Revy confidently polished off the last of pint twelve, then handily took down pint thirteen as well without much trouble. She laughed giddily as Bao filled up her glass for the second to last time, casting a smug smirk over at Rock. “See, fuckface? It’s no problem at all! It’s easy!”

“Revy, you might want to stop. Seriously.” Rock was looking her in the eyes again. “You’re getting drunk but your stomach’s still full of beer. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

Revy squinted at Rock. What, was that fucker looking concerned? What a bitch, ha! “No, I’m not! I feel just fine! *HIC*”

Oh look, her glass was full again! Revy picked it up and took a massive gulp, then another. It felt strange to be able to feel her stomach swelling up under her hand, pushing her fingers apart. It felt super weird, but not a bad weird. Not bad at all.

Her glass was empty. When did that happen? Revy set her mug down, then grinned at Rock, who was still staring at her. “Told ‘ya I could put it away~.”

“That’s really not the issue here-”

“Oh, my drink’s full again! Bottom’s up!”

Revy was in a complete fog as she started to chug her latest pint. Her gut roared and gurgled, and her skin felt like it was stretching to its maximum. It all still hurt, but Revy didn’t care about that anymore. She was soooo close to showing that shithead what she could do! She was a boss-ass bitch! She could kill anyone, do anything, and drink whatever the hell she wanted! And that included seven-fucking-kilos of pisswater!

Revy slammed her empty mug on the counter and laughed manically. “I FUCKIN’ DID IT! FIFTEEN FUCKIN’ PINTS! IN YOUR FACE, YOU FUUUUUUCK!”

Revy tried to stand up to gloat, but she stumbled and ended up leaning against the counter. “Oh, FUCK, what…”

Now that she was standing, Revy’s stomach felt fucking massive. And SO heavy! It was dangling down from her body, taut and pushing out further than her damn chest. She stared at it in wonder. How was she so damn big? She had no idea her body could even do that.

“Ooook, sure, you did it,” Rock said quickly while putting a hand on Revy’s arm. “But we should get you to your room so you can lie down. Or better yet, the bathroom so you can puke and live to see tomorrow.”

“What? No fuckin’ way!” Revy said. She took a deep breath and pushed herself upright. She wobbled for a second but managed to stay up. She smirked. “See? I’m fine! Now pay up, fuckwad!”

“Pay what?” Rock sighed as he put a big wad of money on the bar and stood up as well. “I told you, I’m not betting.”

“And I told you I was doin’ it!” Revy said adamantly. She tried to get up into Rock’s face, but her feet somehow got tangled up and she ended up falling into him. Her bloated gut pressed hard into him, making her insides rumble violently. She hiccupped, but the rumbling kept going. “O-Oh fuck, I- I’m gonna- oooh-”

Rock started to panic. “Not on me, not on me! Is there a bucket!? A buck-”

Revy’s cheeks puffed up as something shot up her throat, then-

*HIC-OOOOUUUUUUUUUURURUUUURRRRRRRRRPPPPPP*

The bar went quiet for a moment. Then two. Then there was an uproar of applause and laughter. Revy grinned stupidly as she stared up at Rock’s pale face. “Ha! Bet you thought I- *hic-urp* was gonna mess up your stupid suit, huh?”

“Yes!” Rock cried indignantly. He shook his head and sighed. “Whatever. Let’s just get you back before you actually do.”

Rock tried to move, but Revy pulled him tighter. She liked the feeling of the extra pressure on her swollen gut. Her eyes glittered darkly as she stared at him.

To his credit, Rock didn’t panic. He swallowed hard, then deliberately pushed Revy off of him while still holding her upright. She let out a tsk but didn’t try to grab him again. She was getting a bit tired, so maybe going home wasn’t a bad idea. She took a step towards the exit but would have toppled over if not for Rock’s hands on her arm.

“Huh? When’d the floor get so uneven?”

A second pair of hands held her other arm. Dutch helped lift Revy back onto her feet. “You’re dead drunk, Revy. As soon as we’re outside, you’re going into an alley and sticking all five fingers down your throat.”

“What? You can’t make me do that!” Revy snarled. She tried to get out of Dutch’s grip, but she couldn’t manage to get loose. The room seemed a bit swirly too. She felt great though! Fantastic! “Dutch, no! I’m not gonna-”

“Either you do it yourself or I’m gonna punch you in the gut until it comes up that way,” Dutch interrupted.

Revy opened her mouth to argue, but even with her brain feeling as heavy as her gut, she knew Dutch was serious.

Still, Revy squirmed and resisted as she was dragged out of the bar. She didn’t wanna! She felt great! Her gut was all big and sloshy and heavy and tight! It was amazing! She didn’t wanna give that up! She didn’t-!

The boss-ass bitch hiccupped and a bit of beer shot into her mouth. She quickly swallowed it back down, but it didn’t seem to want to stay down. Fuck. Fucking fuck fuck damn shit FUCK-

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What's this? An exclusive fic that's out on time? At the end of a month where I was consistently late with every fic? What madness is this?

I'm not a super huge fan of Revy/Black Lagoon in general, and it was kinda hard to come up with a good scenario with her that wasn't stuffing (since, like, 4/5 of my exclusives so far have been stuffing, heh), but I managed to put together a fic that I really like! Hopefully y'all enjoy it too!

Also, can I just say that 'Fuckin bet, dickfuck' is one of my favorite lines that I've ever written? The sheer amount of bad-bitch energy coming from those three words is so freaking palpable, I can't even.