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**NOT A BOOB POST, FEEL FREE TO SKIP**

I’m writing this post because I realised a long time ago if I go quiet people often jump to conclusions and try and fill in the blanks and get it spectacularly wrong lol.. I also want people to realise when us girls don’t post or go quiet it’s often because things are going on behind the scenes, I’ve seen people attack girls I personally know saying they are this or that when the girl in question is in a bad or abusive relationship but can’t speak out, or she’s  ill or having complications but because she hasn’t spoken out no-one knows..

As many of you know last year was challenging to say the least for me.. I got an infection and my ex dropped me as soon as I told him.. Something else major happened to me just before that that I’ve never spoken about online.. I’m not saying this because I need or want money, I promise you I don’t.. I’m just talking about it so I hope people can understand sometimes why I am the way I am and why I’ve taken more time out than is normal.. 

This isn’t a sob story.. As I said it’s just to let you know what is going on because yes I do go quiet for long periods and because I’m in therapy trying to deal with all the things that have happened.. I’m not ashamed to admit that..

My own way with dealing with this was to spend large chunks of time in the US  and keeping busy.. Last year, right before I got ill, I sold my home, I made a profit on it and walked away with 400k (there was no mortgage).. I lent that money to a very close family member and they basically  decided to keep it and not pay me back lol.. I didn’t chase it up for a long time because I got that infection and had to deal with my health before anything.. Obviously when you’re  ill money is the last thing you want to be thinking about and it was tucked away at the back of my mind.. When I did ask for it back much later the person I had lent it to said I wasn’t going to get it back.. 

So yeah I was 400k down and I’ve been getting legal advice to try and get it back.. My dad’s been helping me.. I’ve spent the bulk of the last year in the states busy with surgeries.. Been trying to take my mind off what happened.. What hurts most was that it was an immediate family member who did that to me.. Of course I got ill and my relationship fell apart too.. It all broke my heart.. I can’t tell you the number of days I spent crying whilst I was ill but I had to try and pick myself back up.. 

I realised at that point I would have to be stronger or my whole life was going to fall apart 🤷‍♀️

Anyways, as I said this isn’t meant to be a sob story and again I might take it down later but I just wanted to talk about it here because I think of many of you as friends and like I said if a girl does go quiet and doesn’t post please don’t jump to the conclusion that she must be a bad person.. I know some girls are going thru awful things right now, much worse than what I’m going thru, but they can’t say anything.. I’ve been thru a lot but I pick myself up and keep trying.. I have a solicitor to help me, I have a therapist, as much as I struggle sometimes I know things could be a lot of worse.. I work and I have savings so although I lost everything I made from my home I’m not quite down and out (this bunny is a fighter 😛)

Please try and give them the benefit of the doubt.. There are girls who are with guys that abuse them, that hit them, that make them do things they don’t want to but because it goes on behind the scenes people don’t realise, a bit like when I mentioned about the xl boob complications that are often hidden, that people don’t know are going on.. 

Anyways, am trying to stay positive and fight for what I lost last year but I wrote this because I wanted to open up a little bit more.. I don’t need or want financial  help, that’s *never* been my motivation in all this, just to share my journey, the good and bad parts ❤️ 

Next time I go quiet please just remember I’m a girl trying to work my way thru all this.. I’m not going to talk about what I’ve said in this post publicly because it does involve family and it would hurt too much xx