Witch Weekly Special Edition: Minister Cissy

Witch Weekly – Minister Cissy Special Edition

THE MALFOY BOMBSHELL: NARCISSA BLACK MALFOY LAUNCHES MINISTERIAL BID— AND HOGWARTS BOYS CAN’T HANDLE HER

A Pureblood Goddess Turns Politics Upside-Down—and Sets Hogwarts Wands Ablaze With Her Beauty

By Celestina Bramblethorne, Witch Weekly’s Mistress of Scandal

Move aside, tired Ministry bureaucrats, a true queen has stepped into the arena. Narcissa Black Malfoy, the blonde haired Black sister, has officially declared her candidacy for Minister, and the entire country seems to have collectively melted down.

But the real shock? She made her announcement while currently serving as Hogwarts own Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, leaving the school—and its hormone-ridden student body—in varying states of shock.

Let’s not mince words, Narcissa Malfoy has unintentionally become the forbidden fantasy of half the castle since her arrival. Even Gryffindor students are not immune to her beauty, falling head-over-heels for the former Slytherin blonde who is the epitome of what it means to be Pureblood.

“It’s hard to pay attention in class without getting distracted by her.” Said one anonymous Hogwarts male student. “Most of the boys have to run off to a broom closet or the bathroom after her class to get some relief. That’s not to mention the black market for pictures of her.”

Indeed, it seems Professor Malfoy’s lessons have turned Hogwarts into a simmering cauldron of adolescent chaos. More than that, it seems that the male student population has been playing with their wands more than ever before. One Gryffindor student, Colin Creevey, has reportedly been selling pictures of their resident DADA Professor and making quite the profit.

“Nobody has ever bought my pictures before.” The muggleborn photographer told this reporter. “I started selling them for a galleon, now the expensive ones are going for five! Demand is through the roof!”

Although it seems Hogwarts’ Defense Professor is hardly the only one enchanting its male population. The former Beauxbatons Champion, Fleur Delacour, has also captivated many with her recent transfer to Hogwarts. The beautiful Veela 7th year has been the cause of many stiff wands and swollen balls since her arrival, and has yet to take on a lover of her own, however…

“She’s obviously here because of Potter.” Complained one Hufflepuff girl. “She’s all over him, following him around and even arguing with Daphne Greengrass. Yet Potter just ignores her, and it’s clearly driving her insane.”

Hogwarts sure is different than it used to be, especially with our Hero, Harry Potter, roaming the halls. But it seems that it’s not just the girls at Hogwarts who are struggling not to fall over themselves for our hero, as with the likes of Narcissa Malfoy and Fleur Delacour around, the boys are also fighting battles of their own.

To Read More About Narcissa Malfoy:

What is the Lady Malfoy’s skin routine? Experts weigh in. (Page 11)

The Glamorous Chang Ball, Since When Did House Chang Become So Popular? (Page 17)

A/N: This funny excerpt fits in with the latest Maturity of Magic Chapter (36)

Got to say that writing fake articles might be my guilty pleasure. Had a bit of fun with this one, and hope you enjoy!