B3 C44: Grillmaster Valis

The very first thing Alara did to kick her birthday off was to pull some strange device out of her spatial pouch and throw it onto the grass. I half-expected it to automatically expand or summon something like Verin’s vacation home had done, but no such magic occurred.

Instead, Alara went over to it and started unfolding legs and sliding out collapsible pieces until its nature became more clear.

“To begin my birthday, I will be grilling,” she resolutely informed us. With a whir of magic, the portable grill started to heat up, and Alara completed the picture by pulling out a few parchment-paper-wrapped slabs of meat.

If I recalled from my own birthday, what she was doing was a bit unorthodox, as she wasn’t supposed to be making us anything. Unlike had been true in my case, though, no one appeared willing to call her out on it.

And besides, it weirdly just looked right. Alara had been born to stand behind a grill, and as the first slab of meat hit the metal and started to sizzle, all five of us knew it to be true.

“Lady Verin! You have brought a blanket and refreshments. When they are set up and I have finished grilling, PPG, you have brought the side dish! And Dark Plant Man! You have brought the drugs which we will take presently. I wish to remember this day perfectly for the rest of my life!”

Emin -- our resident drug guy, I supposed -- complied readily, if perhaps a bit sheepishly at being acknowledged as such. Just as he had for my birthday, he provided us all with some small stems with evergreen-like leaves coming off of them, along with some new purply flakes which he poured into our hands.

“Stilus fronds and Stethias petals. All of it goes under your tongue. The fronds make things crisper and firm up any memories you form while also making food taste better. At Alara’s request, the petals are a light stimulant that helps one get ‘revved up’ so to speak.”

Are we all ready to get revved up? Is that what’s happening right now? More importantly, were “Alara” and “revved up” compatible?

Ehhh. Not my birthday. Especially considering that mine had ended with Alara carrying my screaming body off from a park, I figured the least I could do was go along with whatever she’d planned. I was here to do as I was told and have a good time.

And besides. Verin was more responsible than I was. If someone needed to be the voice of reason, I’d leave it to her.

Thus decided, I threw the plants under my tongue.

You have consumed two status-altering substances!

A short list of effects followed, both their durations and intensities going up as the plants steeped themselves in my saliva, filling my mouth with a makeshift drug-filled tea.

An electric shock raced through my body, and all at once I felt like I was ready to tackle a dragon. I shot Emin a stern frown as I felt it.

“Light” stimulant my ass, Emin.

The very moment I had that thought, Alara let loose a bestial roar. “GOOD! A proper party offering. Thank you DPM. Now! Come tell me how you all like your meat cooked. And one of you go catch me a fish! Nella, you will be helping me salt bake it with your fire.”

The two boys grew animated at the talk of catching a fish, and both rushed off towards the lake. For her part, Nella rushed to help Verin set up, seeming to find it uncomfortable to watch the other noble do such. In record speed, the grass was covered with blankets, with countless pitchers of water, honey water, and some sort of sparkling citrus drink lining the blankets’ sides. A few small finger foods dotted the blankets as well, accompanied by utensils and plates. If perhaps those utensils were silver and those plates were fine china, well, that was her prerogative.

“If you will excuse me then, I am curious to see if I can be of assistance with the fishing matter.” With slow and measured steps, she walked off to the lake.

Several minutes later, she returned.

A massive fish hung at her side, held by a thick icicle which ran straight through its head.

A very dejected Emin and Oachin shuffled back behind her.

“I have acquired the requested fish, Lady Valis.” With a shallow bow, she handed the fish off to Alara.

Alara roared in approval. “Excellent! Then may our first meal begin!”

~~~~~~

As it turned out, Alara knew how to run a grill.

While some of it might have been the food-enhancing effects of the Stilus fronds, it was still one of the best meals of my life. No expense had been spared, with dozens of different cuts of meats I’d never heard of before. Char-blackened ribs fell off the bone as soon as I picked them up. Large slabs of buttery steaks melted in my mouth as soon as they hit my tongue. Dense sausages forced me to tears, packed with more smoke than a forest fire and more spice than a whole field’s worth of habaneros.

Some cuts had been pre-marinated or spice-rubbed; some, she prepared on the spot. At one point, she cut up a thicker hunk of meat into cubes before slamming them onto skewers with vegetables, a full set of shish kebabs formed in an instant.

I thanked my prodigious Constitution as well as the few levels I’d recently and inadvertently gained in Digestion, as I wouldn’t have been able to keep up without them. By the looks of it, some of the others couldn’t keep up. Had this been one of those churrascarias with the green and red indicators, we would have called for a pause. Approaching her grilling with the same enthusiasm she gave to all other parts of her life, however, the food continued to flow on endlessly.

Each of the others handled this development differently, with Verin taking tiny, measured bites of everything served to her; Emin trying his best to attack each new dish before his stomach inevitably reasserted its lack of space; and Oachin forgoing any further dishes, save for those whose scents marked them as “must-try”s.

Nella, for whatever reason appearing to be hungrier for knowledge than food, was busy chatting with Emin, of all people. For each new meat, she asked him to show off his skills, seeing if he could identify it and tell her about what qualities it had that would register with his class skills. While perhaps a touch confused, Emin obliged her.

And through it all, if not the centerpiece, I was happy that my pasta seemed to pair well with everything she made. It served as a palate cleanser of sorts, giving all of our taste buds a temporary respite from the heavier dishes.

“Alara, where did you even learn how to do all this?” If there was even a single restaurant in Sylum that prepared food like this, I hadn’t seen it.

“Hah! It is rather unique is it not?” She flipped over a juicy steak from some strange animal with purple flesh. Thankfully, it browned just as well as anything else, so by the time it would be finished, it wouldn’t be visibly different from standard beef. “Uncle Ty taught me! There is a kingdom far to the north that he visited which prepares food in this manner. I plan to visit it once I am a full-fledged adventurer. One of the first stops on Alara’Valis’s grand adventure!”

Not that I don’t enjoy this, but I feel kind of lucky I ended up in Sylum instead of that kingdom. I think I’d spend most of my time stuck in a food coma otherwise. As it was, only the stimulant was keeping me from starting to flag.

From there, we switched gears a bit, with Nella using her fire magic to help bake the fish Verin had caught. Alara had coated it in a thick shell of salt with herbs and lemon, and I had to admit, I was skeptical it would turn out well. Somehow, though, it ended up being neither overly salty nor burned from Nella’s powerful flames. Light and herby, it was something that even those who’d already tapped out asked for seconds of.

Not even Alara had a bottomless stomach, though, and eventually the first leg of her birthday drew to a close. The grill was packed away, and we spent a while drinking the refreshments Verin had brought to wash everything down.

Would be a good time to rest a little. Maybe sprawl out in the grass. Metabolize a bit. Stare up at the sky and over the lake. It was a perfect opportunity to take a relaxing breather, and-

“Good! Now that I am well-fed, I am bursting with energy! Who wishes to wrestle?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

With none of them particularly physically specced, Verin, Emin, and Oachin immediately bowed out from any form of wrestling. Nella was more than willing, though, and as it was a direct request from the birthday girl, I figured I could do my best.

Rather than take turns, Alara volunteered to wrestle us both at once. With my Strength past the first threshold and my levels in Strength Training, I thought we had a chance.

In very short order, I was punished for my hubris.

Time after time, I ended up greedily sucking in breaths as I panted on the ground.

At one point, right after she’d slammed me down into the soft earth, I couldn’t help myself.

I started to laugh.

Alara stood tall above me, seeming to stretch all the way into the sky. There was just so much life in her at that moment. She looked invincible. A pillar that could hold up the sky.

Surrounded by the beauty of nature, stomach full of good food, in the presence of close friends who truly cared about me, and looking up at Alara in all of her glory…

It was just right. Pure. Good.

The laughter flowed freely, and I was so caught up in the moment that I almost missed it as something new started to happen in my mental space.

The door to my Dungeon of Tragedies came into focus, ominous purple cracks running through it. Even as I watched, the glow from the damaged portions began to dim, the cracks thinning out.

The door wasn’t fixed -- not entirely -- but it was a start. A pleasant reminder that for all the ancient evil protagonists and blood rituals and creepy guardsmen, this new life of mine came with perfect moments like this too.

By now, the others were all staring at me, confused by my sudden laughter, but I didn’t care. Instead, I shot up from the ground, suddenly feeling that the time was just right.

“I brought a gift,” I declared. “A birthday gift. I don’t know if that’s a thing in Sylum, but it’s a thing for me.”

“Then I will accept it in the spirit in which it is offered, PPG! Come, show me. Now that I know of it, I am unable to wait.”

If nothing else, Nella seemed particularly pleased with this development, at last able to catch her breath as our wrestling match came to its end.

Turning around to hide the present with my body, I pulled my carving out from my spatial pouch.

“I wanted to make you something, but I wasn’t really sure what to make. And then I remembered how your gift to yourself is this upcoming dungeon run and how it’s kind of the start of your ‘grand adventure,’ so I figured I’d help you commemorate it.” At last, I turned about, showing off a wooden figure as tall as my forearms.

Far from sporting a warm and comforting expression, the creature was frozen in a rictus of rage, thick arms poised as if to strike. Each muscle was carved out with as much precision as I could bring to bear, somehow managing to capture the thing’s size even in miniature form.

Though it was glowing green with life mana rather than its usual reflective silver, the Warforged Titan stood tall in all of its glory.

“The first dungeon boss you ever defeated, and the first of many.”

Alara hastily grabbed it out of my hands, bringing the carving closer to her face to examine it. “PPG! This is an excellent offering! I was not aware you were so skilled with wood, I will need to commission you for all my future dungeon bosses. The start of a grand collection! Except…”

Something about the figure started to shift, the space around it warping in some strange way.

“I am making it heavier! A stunning likeness, but it does not capture how heavy the boss is when it punches!” Her mass alteration sank into the light wood, weighing it down. At the same time, several things happened all at once, my notification screen lighting up.

Your Gift-Giver’s Augment has activated!

The quality of your crafted item has been raised from Good to Great.

Conditions met! Your Gloves of Wooden Rebirth have activated. You have breathed life into your crafted item, granting a rebirth to the wood you carved.

Even as the notification popped up, a roar filled the tranquil lakeside air. For once, Alara wasn’t to blame.

With the kind of spryness one generally wouldn’t expect from an inanimate object, the wooden titan jumped from Alara’s hands and thudded to the ground below. A small crater formed at its landing site, the carving having evidently become much heavier than it had been before.

“PPG, I did not know you were capable of such a feat!” Alara stared down at the titan, seeming to relish the size differential between them being in her favor for once.

I mean, that makes two of us. Is it just going to run around forever now? I identified the carving, a little nervous to see what I’d find.

Rebirthed War-forged Titan Carving

When supplied with mana, this carving comes to life.

A bit scant on the description, but that was to be expected given that I’d failed to make an actual named item like I had for Nadja.

So do we just need to wait for its initial mana to run out?

The titan chose that moment to look up at its new owner, roaring in defiance before charging her.

“Oh? You wish to challenge Alara’Valis? Come! Your defeat will be swift.”

As if seen through an inverted mirror, Alara and the titan reared back, readying a punch at one another. Twin fists hurtled towards the other, and I was worried Alara was about to pulverize my gift. Thankfully, it appeared to be made from sturdier stuff.

Fist hit fist, and the only possible outcome occurred. The titan fell backwards, and when it hit the earth, it stayed there. Evidently, Alara’s mana-sapping abilities had drained the last drops from it.

Throwing her hands to her hips, Alara surveyed her partygoers and beamed for all the world to see, resplendent in her mini-victory.

Sometimes it feels like she’s even more of a titan than the real boss is.

Sure, I’d met people more powerful, but all of them lacked the sort of solidity that Alara had. I was half convinced that if we put her in a room with the real boss and just cheered her on, she’d win even in a one-on-one.

“A fitting end to the first half of my birthday!” Alara shouted as she stashed the fallen titan into her pouch. “Now that we have completed the sober portion of our celebrations, however…”

She stomped the ground to emphasize her next words, the resulting vibrations coursing through all of us.

“Now, we drink!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Contrary to Alara’s impassioned proclamation, we spent a bit longer at the lake house for the sole reason that we were all too full to immediately go drinking. With some time to digest and another timely dose of Stethias petals from Emin, though, we were all steeled and ready to go.

One recall gem later, and Operation Drunk Birthday was a go. As to be expected, we began in a pub in the Adventurer District.

We drank.

And then we drank.

And then… we drank.

With God’s Mind working in tandem with the last lingering effects of the Stilus fronds, my memory was augmented far above what should have been normal.

It was something of a feat, then, that the remainder of the night melded into one giant blur by its end.

From what I did recall, however, it was an unrepentantly wild time. The games, the dancing, the part where Alara decided to see how many of us she could pick up at once (all five), the obligatory trip to the Noble District before our three more prestigious personages mutinied.

I even vaguely recalled Emin breaking down into tears at some point. Something Nella had said about her plans for the future had brought it on. I wasn’t entirely sure what that was about, but given that he was our resident lightweight, who knew?

After that, things only got stranger and stranger.

If memory served correctly, Alara had once described the drinking portions of birthdays to me as a chance to “dance atop bar counters, take shots off the bellies of wandering priests, and fall in love with strangers before challenging their fiances to duels.”

By the end of the night, we managed to accomplish two of those. As for which two, I’ll plead the fifth. Several vows of secrecy were exchanged to never speak of the shenanigans we got up.

For all its hecticness, then, it was unexpected when the night drew to a close blissfully peacefully, all the way back to the lake house.

Gone were the noises of the city and its pubs. Gone was all the hustle and bustle. Just the tingly feeling of a few drinks and the warmth of good friends.

At some point, I found myself lying down in the grass, staring up at the star-filled sky.

And everything felt good.

It’s silly, but it feels like… like nothing is ever going to go wrong again.

With that thought held firmly in my head, I finally dozed off with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~

Far from the lake house in a familiar city, a guardsman knelt at the foot of an austere iron throne.

For all that he tried to school his expression in the face of the woman occupying the throne before him, he couldn’t help himself. His thoughts strayed to the girl. The girl. The damnable girl.

And all at once, Warram’Goss began to smile.