I'm a strugglin'

So as some of you have probably noticed, January's monthly piece still isn't up. Although I did manage to post a small image set for February, I'm disappointed with both the quality and speed at which I'm working lately. 

I've also lost a lot of creative motivation this year. Maybe it's a combination of external pressures (either real or imagined) to perform to a quality standard now that I've monetized this hobby, or some sort of neurotic self-destructive tendency. Plus, you know, I feel like a hack. 

Either way, I find myself retreating from art making altogether and losing the desire to share what I do make, despite past successes. Additionally, while I don't like using this an excuse, my depression has steadily worsened over the past decade or so. I can normally keep it at bay long enough to at least sketch and execute ideas, but lately it's been almost insurmountable, possibly worse than it's ever been. With an ever decreasing ability to feel pleasure (let alone erotic pleasure,) I feel disconnected from my own impulses and interests. I can't seem to engage.

I have no valid external cause to feel bad, either. This leads me to feel bad about feeling bad, creating a cycle of entrenchment in further negativity. Maybe some of you can relate.

In any case, something is going to have to change. 

This month, I've decided there won't be a WIP continuation poll and am considering discontinuing them (in which case, I'll merge tiers 2-3.) I have some drawings that have been on the backburner forever that I want to complete, in addition to the monthly from January. There will be art this month, but it'll be from my own selection.

I've been considering offering other rewards for the future. I've been looking into streaming. Most of my own art education came from streams and videos online, and it feels like there's not actually a lot of support out there for nsfw artists looking to sharpen their skills or hang out with likeminds. We're always kind of in the peripheral of the art world (or divorced from it entirely,) yet we use the same fundamental knowledge and skills. It might be nice to try cultivating a semi-educational stream for all the hobbyists here -- or just a place to chill and draw questionable things and talk shop (like the art club you wish you had in school.)