Naruto: Freeloading is Great! 2 [13]

Even though Hoshino had long since given up hope on his own academic performance, lacking even the slightest competitive spirit, facing such a disgusting punishment, he didn't dare wave the white flag and slack off. He began to carefully select his teammates.

Well, "select" was perhaps not quite the right word…
Given that he was the dead-last, honestly speaking, there were probably only a few who'd even consider teaming up with him.

Although Sasuke and Hinata occasionally cast glances his way, those two super honor students were already mobbed by all sorts of small-fry. Forming a team with them would be annoyingly troublesome.

Besides, teaming up with these two super-achievers would undoubtedly mean rushing straight to the summit at full speed. Too exhausting.

Thus, Hoshino simply waved Gorilla Sakura over, inviting him to join his weakest-of-the-weak squad.

Gorilla Sakura was just a muscle-headed idiot barely scraping a pass, and Hoshino and Naruto were both bottom-tier trash. If anyone said this wasn't the weakest team, even Hoshino himself wouldn't believe it.

Ignoring Sasuke and Hinata, who kept waving at them persistently, Hoshino led Gorilla Sakura and Naruto up the mountain path.

“I wanna team up with Sasuke! I want Sasuke! Why’d you invite this muscle gorilla instead of Sasuke? Even Hinata would’ve been ten thousand times better!”

They'd barely started when Naruto immediately began squawking nonstop.

“You're noisy as hell, shut up. Who has a higher IQ, you or me? Obviously, it’s me! Don’t you know idiots have no right to talk? Just obediently listen to the commands of me, the high-IQ genius, dumbass.”

There was actually a very important reason Hoshino chose Gorilla Sakura instead of Sasuke or Hinata.

Psychological issues. Sasuke and Naruto had an indescribable relationship, and Hinata was willing to die for Naruto. Why the hell would he want either of these two on the team? Hadn't he eaten enough of their dog food during class? He wasn't some damn masochist.

On the other hand, Sakura seemed only vaguely interested in Naruto, which made things far more comfortable—no force-fed dog food.

But the most critical reason—the ultimate, number-one reason—was that teaming up with Sakura…

…Meant a very high chance of receiving some special "benefits"!

As long as he deliberately dragged his feet, with an entire afternoon ahead, Sakura would definitely need to go relieve himself at some point, right? And for a young girl who hadn't realized her actual gender yet, Hoshino could totally accompany her to "relieve" himself… so joyful!

So…Walking Wallet? Hinata? Or even Ino?

Get lost! Benefits were king! Only a little girl capable of handing out benefits was truly righteous!

“Brother Hoshino's logic makes sense. Naruto, your IQ is too low—you better listen obediently. Stop mingling with that villain Sasuke who only bullies people with family power! Follow us and fight for justice! Show some backbone and act like a real man!”

“Why do I have to act like a real man?! I don’t want to!”

Naruto and Gorilla Sakura, who both found each other irritating, quickly started bickering.

At a time like this, as a great gentleman, Hoshino decisively stood with the female side.

“Quit your whining! I agree that you need some backbone. The vote is now two to one; minority obeys the majority! Pick up the pace! You’re such a cowardly loser—you take the lead and clear the way from now on!”

“…You guys are bullying me.”

“So what if we bully you, got a problem?”

“I do! I’d rather die than take the lead!”

Naruto said this tearfully, pointing to the makeshift skirt she’d made from her jacket.

“If I go in front, you guys will peek!”

“…Who the hell wants to peek under your skirt? Are you deliberately trying to disgust me?”

“Disgust—disgusting? It’s not disgusting at all! Mine is just as pretty as the ones described in books!”

“Get lost! You're talking more and more about something so disgusting—are you addicted now? Want a beating?”

Grossed out by Naruto’s words, Hoshino picked up a small stone and threw it directly at Naruto’s head.

Pretty, my ass! Disgusting aside, you even dare brag about it?!

You think I've never watched Naruto? Sai explicitly said yours was super tiny, and Rock Lee’s ninja chronicles confirmed it—you have the smallest one in the entire Naruto universe.

In consideration of their brotherly friendship, Hoshino didn’t insist on making the insecure brat walk last. However…

“Why the hell are you walking so slow? Am I the one trying to drag things out, or is it you?!”

“Because the wind… it's cold blowing up here, it's uncomfortable. It's all your fault, Hoshino!”

“Huh? That’s your excuse? Wait—oh, right. I almost forgot you're actually a ga—”

Before Hoshino could finish saying "girl," Naruto frantically waved her arms and yelled, cutting him off:

“Waaah—! You promised you'd never say it out loud!”

Ultimately, the noisy trio crawled along slower than if they were out for a leisurely stroll, moving forward at a turtle’s pace.

Though they’d been among the first teams to set out, they were now the slowest, even slower than Shikamaru.

But precisely because of this snail’s pace, the dead-last team hadn't traveled far when they began to hear all sorts of weird explosions and screams from higher up the mountain. Clearly, this ninja test wasn’t as simple as just climbing a mountain.

…It reeked of conspiracy.

As Hoshino was thinking this, the Ino–Shika–Chō trio, who’d initially rushed far ahead, now ran frantically back toward Hoshino’s group.

A miracle! What could they possibly have encountered to make even Shikamaru sprint for his life?

As the Ino–Shika–Chō trio dashed past, heading downhill, Ino—who was on relatively good terms with Hoshino and considered herself on the same side—shouted a hurried warning:

“Hoshino, hurry up and run! The bear is coming!”

“…Crazy idiots.”

Facing Ino’s warning, not just Hoshino, but even Gorilla Sakura and Naruto paid no attention. How could a bear possibly show up on the school’s back mountain?

“Roar—!! The bear is here! Anyone 'killed' by the bear must restart from the bottom!”

“…What the fuck!?” ×3

Upon seeing the creature roaring at them, the trio instantly jumped in anger.

What the hell was this teacher in a bear mascot suit trying to do? Playing dirty?!

While the three slowpokes were momentarily stunned, the mascot-bear teacher took several water balloons from his pocket…

“These water balloons contain diluted pig shit! Anyone hit by them is considered dead! Take this—Shit-Ball no Jutsu!”

After providing his own dramatic commentary, the bear hurled the shit-filled balloons straight at Gorilla Sakura and Naruto.

Why didn't he aim at Hoshino? Because Hoshino had already sprinted away while Gorilla Sakura and Naruto were still dazed!

Initially, Hoshino thought this was just a harmless school conspiracy. But now he understood—this wasn't a conspiracy at all, it was outright open scheming! They were literally using pig shit to hunt down kids who weren't even genin yet!

This garbage school had zero ethics! Too terrifying!

Gorilla Sakura and Naruto—whose test scores sucked, but whose actual combat skills weren’t half-bad—barely dodged their respective shit-balls, and shouted after Hoshino:

“Brother, how could you run away without even warning us!?”

“Hoshino, you spineless loser of a man! Wait for me!”

“Wait your ass! I refuse to play games with shit-balls! See ya!!”

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T/N: LMAOOO HES SUCH A BASTARD SCUMMY MAN

This is a fan translation of 火影之软饭真好吃 by 肾亏能力者 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!