I appreciate it!

Ever since closing commissions I've had outpourings of messages from many of you voicing gentle concern for my well-being or reassurance of positivity.

To clarify, there's nothing wrong on my end, nor have I reached burnout. I will reiterate why I suddenly closed the commissions again in a tale of woe:

I set goals for myself, and sometimes the goals are a bit unbelievable; always have, always will. I guess I like to see what I can accomplish, and take it steps further from there if I succeed even once.

Once upon a time, when I started the channel, I was, as they say, "chomping at the bit" (being extremely enthusiastic, akin to a racehorse chewing on its bit in anticipation of running). I knew what I wanted to do with the channel: 75% of the audios would be commissions, and 25% would be the main story.  I knew the promise of commissions would draw people my way, in case they felt the main story wasn't to their liking. I strongly emphasized that I would accept commissions; I even took some from youtube, before I had this Patreon.

I was a bubbling ball of excitement as I began creating and fulfilling commissions. I then opened my Patreon, which had a handful of members in the start. I wasn't getting commissions as quickly as I had hoped, so I foolishly began allowing two projects per person each month. At first, this number was doable, and it began bolstering up the audio playlist.

But then, out of nowhere, my Patreon subscriber list began increasing, yet, being stubborn as I always have been, I still stood by two commissions per month per person. I suppose at that point I should have closed commissions, but, being very prideful like I am, I thought it admitted a shortcoming on my part. And so, I increased my production.

Initially.

But, as time went on, and the commissions poured in, I began feeling that dreadful word no artist ever wants to experience: stress. I was like a gambler who was clearly losing against the house, yet kept throwing in my chips to see if I could hit a lucky break. And lucky breaks I did hit; certain ideas were easier than others to craft into audios, while others just sat in my notebook as I played with various storylines that ultimately were not to my satisfaction.

I currently have numerous notebooks full of finished ideas, burgeoning ideas, finished and unfinished chapters; the ending of the main story is also in one of these books. To give myself a visual representation as to how many commissions I had waiting, I put colorful plastic tabs on the first page of each story. And, oh my lord. There were SO MANY! At last, I could see my all physical workload at a single time. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least.

Despite months of helpful suggestions from many of you saying to ease up on the workload, I did not. But then, the sight of those plastic tabs let me see that I, indeed, needed to rethink my strategies. And so, I caved. I admitted defeat and closed the commissions. It was a tough decision, but one I ultimately know is best for me.

And so, I will toil away. Without new ideas siphoning my creative energy, i will focus on these 30 audios. I have waiting in the wings. I will notify users when they're completed; this includes anyone who has left Patreon in the meantime.

Again, thank you for tolerating me and my shortcomings.