Joyeux Anniversaire script

Art by: az-roser
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(1920s music playing, soft bayou sounds)

(knock on door fx, walking fx)

(door opens fx, bayou sounds increase)

Vixy! Hello, Darling!

Yes, I got your letter inviting me out here. I really wish you'd move to a place where there's telephone service. It'd be so much easier to let you know what time I was going to arrive.

So what's new with you? I mean, you're still alive, so that clearly means you didn't blab about me!

Mmm hmm, lovely to hear that.

Oh, the studio's got me working double shifts lately. Seems the police are close to apprehending that ghastly Mutilator, and my boss is determined we break the story first as the updates come in.

The police are working directly with us because of our ability to send out an all-points bulletin to the surrounding parishes. Therefore, I know their strategies.

But here's a little secret, Dear: I purposely threw them off course with a letter saying the Mutilator would strike next over in Baton Rouge!

Oh, it's all in good fun! Keeps 'em on their toes, I say. Why, if they can't think critically, how on Earth will the police chief get his annual accolades from the mayor?

Hopefully with this lastest red herring, I have bought myself a few weeks quiet time.

So Vixy, Doll, why did you request my appearance?

You remembered my birthday after all these years? Why a little sneak you are!

Oh, but Dear, I don't celebrate my birthday. It's so strange to commemorate one's emergence from their mother.

Well, I don't agree.

You want to give me my presents? Oh, no, no, Vixy, I can't accept them! No, I refuse.

(footsteps, fx, door opens fx)

Why are you opening the back door?

Fine, I'll close my eyes.

(footsteps return fx, baby fox sounds fx)

Gracious! What in the world is that?

Dear, I can see it's a fox kit. But why are you carrying it?

You discovered him wandering by himself? Well, what about his mother?

Oh... you suspect she was killed by hunters? How unfortunate.

Vixy, I can't accept a fox for a pet! Yes, yes, I appreciate the kind gesture, but I live in the city. This is a wild creature!

Well, I do say, he does seem rather docile. Imagine me, walking him around on a leash in my neighborhood. Oh, the neighbors would have a fit!

Well, living in the Garden District of New Orleans does allow me the privilege of eccentricity... hmm, what do you think, fellow? You want to come home with me and shock those uptight neighbors of mine?

oh, the papers would have a field day if they discovered that New Orleans' biggest celebrity had a pet fox!

Very well, Vixy, I love him! Thank you so much!

You will need a name, little guy. You shall be called Apollo, in honor of the Greek god's association with foxes. Do you like that name, Apollo? Huh? Do you? oh, yes you do, yes you do! Now, you go run along, little scamp! Go and play!

What a day! I did not realize this morning that I'd be a proud owner of a fox! You're truly something, Dear.

You have another gift for me? My, a truly bountiful day it is!

Hmm, what's this? A bottle of your top gin, reserved for the best speakeasies? How resplendent! I do love a good spirit!

Distilled with cherries and honey, you say? Ah, yes, I see the rosy tinge!
So the addition of the two ingredients gives it an extra kick during the fermentation process? Well, I'll be the judge of that. bring me a glass!

Yes, I'm intrigued, and what to see if your claim is right. Actually, bring two glasses; it's be depressing to drink by myself on my birthday. No, no, I insist! Good girl!

(footsteps fx, glasses and bottles fx, footsteps return fx)

I'm glad to see you're so resourceful, Vixy. I mean, bootlegging alcohol during a national ban is truly the way to riches. Too bad the currency isn't human bodies; I'd be a millionaire three times over!

Ah, thank you, Dear.

(liquor pour fx)

(sniff fx) Nice notes of coriander, juniper, and lemon. I detect that honey, too.

(sips liquor fx)

Oh! (coughing) Oh, wow, you weren't kidding about that extra kick! Dear lord, this is phenomenal! I do hope you charge the speakeasies a premium for this concoction! Hell, I'm probably going to buy a case from you!

Superb! Pour me another, Darling!

Damn, it hits like a sledgehammer! I need to sit! (chair creak fx) What a glorious elixir! Do you have a name for it? Ambrosia? Why, yes, this liquor truly is fit for the gods!

Whoa! I got you! Nearly took a nasty spill, you did! Yes, top off my glass, please.

If Prohibition wasn't happening, I'd advertise Ambrosia throughout the Gulf! I'd probably talk about what a great gal you are, too. I would, Vixy. You've always meant the world to me. I... i'm glad I found you again, after all this time.

(kisses fx)

I'm-I'm sorry, that was too forward. I'm... what are you doing?

(falls out of chair fx) Whoa! My balance is shot!

Splayed out on my back like a common lush! I swear, I can hold my liquor, but this stuff... oh boy!

(belt buckles undone and pants unzipped fx)

You're... you're taking off my pants, while I'm on my back? Oh, what the hell, it's my birthday! Come on, ride me!

Oh, oh, you're -

You should win an award with that tongue of yours!

Oh, fuck, that feels amazing!

Don't choke yourself, Dear!

More on the tip, Darling! Yes!

No, no, no keep going, please!

Wh- oh! Straddling me, I see! lift up your dress so I can see it go in.

Your expression is so adorable! If you could see your face right now!

 You like that... me swollen in you!

This is what you thought about when you saw me last time, isn't it? You couldn't wait to feel me sliding in and out of you!

No, keep your skirt up so I can see the action!

I'll grab your waist. Let me know if I'm holding you too tight.

Vixy, here's my birthday wish: touch yourself for me. Oh, yes, yes, Darling. What an alluring shade of red you are. It rivals the sweetest cherry!

You're dripping down me, Vixy! Oh, what a sight! It seems you're enjoying yourself a little too much!

What a hypnotizing motion with your hips! Keep this up and I'm going to make you a mess!

What a sultry tart you are! You don't even care how shameless you sound! Why, what if someone were to approach your front door right now? They'd hear you panting, and gasping, and screaming like an alley cat! And if they looked in the window? They'd get an eyeful! Would you grind even deeper, just to spite them? I'd want you to... I'd want you to show them you're a frenzied, sex-crazed vixen! Fuck me like you've fucked no other!

Come on, grind harder into me!

Vixy!

Oh, Vixy!

You're mine!

I thought I died. Damn!

Oh, come here. No, no, I wasn't even paying attention to you. Now, come here. I'll help you. All right.

Come on, Darling, do it for me, you're almost there.

That's it. Good!

Damn! Forget what I said about the speakeasies; you sell this to them, and the places will turn into orgies!

Yes, Ambrosia is a definite winner for me, and, based on how wet your thighs are, it's a winner for you, too. Maybe you can market Ambrosia as a love potion, to get around the red tape of the feds. It would sell like hotcakes!

Come on, lean your head against my chest.

It seems you found your calling in life. I just hope when this Prohibition ends, you can start your own alcohol empire. You'd crush the competition! If you want, I'd stay by your side and be your advertising manager, or your tester.

Oh, you'd rather get a team of unknowns so there'd be no sexual tension? But if we were husband and wife, it'd be acceptable! oh, you, weren't kidding then about not getting married.... My dear, you'll turn into a spinster!

Well, in case you ever change your mind, my offer still stands, Vixy. I mean it.

Oh, hello Apollo! What are you doing? Are you getting into trouble? Go play over there now! Go on, get!

Vixy, Vixy, how are you so damn refreshing?

Like hell I'm lying! You're the bee's knees! You bootleg, you're my accomplice, and you're the gal I desire. You're perfect!

You made this my best birthday ever, truly. Oh, but that liquor threw me for a loop! Do know, I plan on sampling more of it with you in a little while. That sounds positively scandalous. And I love it!