Crissie in Diaperland: Chapter 26

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“Call the first witness!” shouted the Queen, her impatience flaring up doubly so without her pacifier.

Frantically flipping through his papers, the Knave pinched a single piece of paper from his files and plucked it out from his cluttered workspace. “The prosecution calls Absolem to the stand,” he said, his voice deepening as he addressed the court.

“Absolem?” Unable to recall having met someone named Absolem at any point in her journeys, Crissie was confused as to how someone she was unfamiliar with could be a witness. Maybe they were one of the caucus racers? Her mind wondered for a few brief seconds before her question was answered for her. “Oh no, not him! He tried to keep me prisoner!” she said, leaning across her bloated diaper as she pointed at the Caterpillar she’d been unfortunate enough to cross paths with while lost in the vast maze of underground tunnels.

Ignoring Crissie’s blatant disregard for courtroom procedures, the Caterpillar approached Tweedle Damp, who held out a folded-up plastic diaper for the Caterpillar to set his hand on. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Goddess?” said Tweedle Damp.

“I do,” said the Caterpillar, faking sobriety as he powered through the copious amounts of weed he smoked before entering the court. He allowed Tweedle Damp to guide him to the witness stand next to the Knave, ready to begin his testimony.

Clearing his throat, the Knave wasted no time diving into questioning. “Absolem, would you mind recanting to us what happened between you and Crissie during your brief encounter?” he asked, giving the Caterpillar the floor.

“Yes, your grace. You see, I was minding my own business and tending to my mushroom garden when this girl came barreling in like a mad woman, ranting on and on about herself non-stop. She’s very self-centered, if you ask me,” said the Caterpillar, twisting Crissie’s response to his previous line of questioning to suit his narrative.

“That’s a lie!” shouted Crissie before looking over at the White Rabbit for help, “You gotta do something! He’s just lying non-stop!”

*BAM! BAM!*

Suddenly, the whole court went starkly quiet as the Knave pounded his gavel against its wooden slate. “There will be no speaking out of turn in my courtroom. The defense will have their chance to question the witness in due time,” he said, reclaiming control of his courtroom, “You may continue, Absolem.”

“Right, as I was saying, she then proceeded to munch on my precious mushrooms without permission before shrinking herself down and destroying my indoor plumbing as she left through the sewer line. Based on the redness of her eyes at the time, I can only assume she was under the influence of several narcotics,” said the Caterpillar, able to lie as easily as he inhaled through his precious hookah.

Both the people sitting in the pews as well as the jury, which was just twelve playing cards with faces on them, began to murmur as the Caterpillar finished his tall tale. Slowly, all eyes fell upon Crissie, each look more scornful than the last. She sunk back into her caked-up diaper, wishing she could sink into it until she fully disappeared. At least then she wouldn’t have to listen to any more of the Caterpillar’s bogus story.

Mercifully, the judge didn’t have any other questions of his own, opening the floor to the White Rabbit as he said, “No further questions. The defense may now approach the bench.”

Hopping up from his seat, the White Rabbit stepped out from around the defense table, straightening up his collar as he got into character. “Absolem, you said my client surprised you in your garden and that she was already under the influence when you two crossed paths?”

“That’s correct…why?” said the Caterpillar, his overindulgence in weed backfiring slightly as paranoia began to kick in.

“Because the timeline of events doesn’t match up. I just so happened to cross paths with Crissie not long before this incident occurred. Both I and Cheshire can confirm as much,” said the White Rabbit, his rebuttal causing even more of a stir.

Rubbing his chin, the Knave glanced over at the Queen, who was visibly displeased with the defendant getting the upper hand. He needed to quell this and fast. “W-Well, as her lawyer, there’s a conflict of interest in your testimony. And as for Cheshire, unless he is present in this courtroom, I’m afraid the court has no choice but to deem your previous statement as inadmissible evidence. Jurors, please forget what you just heard,” he said, firmly squashing Crissie’s best defense.

“That’s such a load of crap!” yelled Crissie, prompting the White Rabbit to turn to her abruptly in an attempt to shush her, “No! I won’t be shushed! This whole trial is, pardon my French, bullshit!” A chorus of gasps echoed throughout the courtroom chamber.

Even the Knave was shocked to see someone mouth off to him, in court no less. He was too flabbergasted to address someone displaying such flagrantly bratty behavior. Instead, he turned to look down at the White Rabbit, who was shaking so fiercely that his diaper was crinkling like a rolling thunderstorm. “Nivens, get your client under control or it will be both your heads,” said the Knave starkly, sending shivers down the jittery bunny’s spine, “And as for you, you should feel lucky you’re getting a trial at all. We already have more than enough evidence to convict you since we’ve captured your accomplice!

“H-Head?!” said Crissie, realizing only now the gravity of her situation. However, she wasn’t able to dwell on her impending doom as her mind centered on the judge’s second point, “Wait, accomplice? But I fell into Diaperland alone.”

Scoffing at Crissie’s assertion, the Knave banged his gavel once again. “Guards, go fetch the other prisoner. We’ll know soon enough what this dastardly pair had planned.

Crissie’s anxiety rose as a team of guards left the room as ordered, leaving her to puzzle over who from Diaperland they could’ve possibly linked to her as some sort of accomplice. However, everything began to click together as she watched a very unhappy girl dressed in a giant ball gown being marched into the courtroom. “G-Get your hands off me! I demand to know what’s going on?! GAH!” screamed Codi, fighting against the guards that were restraining her every step of the way.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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