I Thought I Would Be Farther Along In Life By Now

One moment you've got one thigh draped over a hottie, the next, you're scrambling to your car for denture glue. Life has a way of shifting unpredictably, doesn't it?

I'm not one to kiss and tell, but in this case, I’ll make an exception. If what I’m about to share can offer even a bit of insight, it will be worth it.

Last night, I had a spontaneous, fun pool date with Steve Lacy. The atmosphere was electric—splashes of laughter, good vibes all around—until suddenly, I lost my teeth. One moment, I was carefree, and the next, I was fleeing into the night, ashamed of what had become of me.

It seems the stress from work is seeping into my dreams (no surprise there). They say that losing your teeth in a dream is a symbol of feeling out of control, as if everything you once relied on has slipped away. You're left to face life on your own, gums and all.

Maybe you can relate. Life has a way of distorting even the purest intentions. It’s painful, and unfair at times, but here's the hard truth: Sometimes, life just isn’t fair. Accepting this difficult reality is part of moving forward.

We all envision what our lives should look like. For me, that vision was to hit the silver play button before 24, to come out to my family and friends as a “successful” YouTuber, and to write a best-selling book about my journey. The ultimate goal? To feel like I was finally good enough.

But here I am, lying down with a fever, barely able to get up and rebuild a community of nearly 81,000 people that I lost. I never imagined I’d find myself in this position, but here I am—nonetheless.

It’s been you all who’ve reminded me of who I am. Your surprise at how well I’m handling this has shown me that I’m someone who rises even when it’s hard. I won’t stay down, because I know life is a gamble. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Winning is a numbers game: try ten times and win once. Try a hundred times, win ten. You’ll call me successful because I won, but you won’t see how many times I’ve failed along the way.

I’m at the start of a new chapter in my life. The years 2020 to 2025 were about proving to myself that I could do it. From 2025 onward? It’s about doing it again—this time, with angel wings on my back, lifting me higher toward my next endeavor.

Pain is inevitable, but so is life. The true challenge is getting back up and trying again. What area of your life are you still staying down in, too afraid of failing again?

I feel a fire in my heart—no, it’s not heartburn. It’s a deep, unwavering need to show up for both you and myself. We will transform this project into something entirely new. But for now, I leave you with this:

You will not emerge from the storm as the same person who entered it. Only in hindsight will you recognize the courage it took to take each step. The experiences you endure shape you—that’s the purpose of the storm.

Whether or not we feel like we’re "farther along" in life, the journey is never linear. The detours, the setbacks, the unexpected turns—they all play a role in shaping us. Your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be valuable or meaningful. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty, but you’re exactly where you need to be.

Your strength doesn’t come from the times you’ve succeeded. It’s in the moments you’ve struggled, when you thought about giving up but kept going anyway. It’s in the quiet resilience you show when life throws its hardest punches. That fire you feel in your heart—it’s proof that you have the power to rise again, stronger than before. You have everything you need inside of you to keep going, even when you feel lost.

I’m here to tell you that you are not behind. You are on your own path, and you are more capable than you know. The same strength that’s carried me through my own doubts and struggles is within you too. Trust it. Trust yourself.

So take a deep breath. Know that the next chapter is just around the corner, and you are more than ready for it. Keep going, keep believing in yourself, and remember: you don’t have to be “farther along” to be exactly where you’re meant to be.

You’ve got this. Keep pushing. The best is yet to come.

...

I'm currently laying down on my tummy, legs kicking while typing this. My nose is runny, my throat is scratchy, I'm in the mood to get comfy and to watch a good nature documentary.

I've missed you so much, words cannot describe, ugh. For the better or for the worse, I really got accustomed to having our Thursday tradition of watching the new audio live on YouTube together!

I've been sick this week, so progress on re-directing my goofy energy to Twitch (livestreaming nights) has been slow. BUT I wanted to pop in here with the limited energy I have to say that I am here! Resting and recharging, so I can redirect my focus to another platform. What is the plan with YouTube?

Currently still waiting on the appeal of the second channel's termination. I'm optimistic, since it was terminated for "repeated community guidelines violations," yet hadn't even received a strike. We wait in this together. ^-^

In general, the more platforms I'm on the better. I'm getting on Spotify, Twitch, IG, YouTube, and Substack. I think I'm really going to surprise you with the new ideas I have ;) In a good way, of course.

How your week has been :) have you missed me since I've been in detention from YouTube? I wanna chat, so maybe you could tell me how you would spoil me with loving' when I'm sick like a dog like this, hmm?

love you, mean it!

~felka