Felka is alone. (for now). A reflection.
Added 2024-11-29 17:40:30 +0000 UTCIt’s Thanksgiving, and I find myself seated at a grand dinner party—friends of friends hosting, their laughter and conversations filling the room. Everyone seems closer to the hosts than I am, and I can’t help but feel like an outsider. Coming here feels foolish. I feel alone. There’s a peculiar isolation that settles over you when you're surrounded by people who don’t truly see or understand you, huh?
But I pause to take it all in. This moment, like all moments, is fleeting. Nothing stays the same forever.
Loneliness is painful, yes, but it’s also a teacher. If you listen closely, it can reveal the truths your heart most longs for. Loneliness whispers softly, guiding you toward your deepest dreams—the ones that define your destiny. Maybe it’s the longing for love, the ache for an intimate circle of friends who truly get you, or the quiet yearning for peace and contentment within yourself.
I wonder to myself: How many more holidays will I spend feeling this way before things change? Five more? Maybe less? The thought of one day hosting my own dinner party, surrounded by love and warmth, where loneliness doesn’t even enter my mind, excites me. I know that moment will come—I can feel it in my bones.
At the core of it all, what I desire most is my own little corner of love in this world. This channel, in so many ways, is a reflection of that dream—a space where I can share my heart, knowing that you understand.
So let this serve as a gentle reminder: even if you’re not where you want to be yet, it doesn’t mean your dreams aren’t on their way to you. What is meant for you will find you, in its own time and in its own perfect way.
Keep going, soul soldier. Your future is waiting for you, full of memories you’ll one day cherish. 🌟
P.S. Bonus audio comes out today, keep an eye out for it! It's quite on-topic and spicy, I'm sure you'll enjoy. (Boy, are the non-patreon members gonna miss out.
Encourage others to join by sharing what you love about the bonus audios in the YouTube comments! Your thoughts could inspire someone to sign up and experience them too. 😊 Plus, helps keeps the lights on for felka.)
Much love,
felka
Comments
I really like the fact that you’re able to share feelings like this somewhere. I know how hard it can be to find that place for people. Loneliness sucks, in my case I don’t have any friends I can just go hang out with for the day as none of my friends live in the same state or even country. I haven’t been able to make any lasting relationships in college either but in the end I know my friends are just a call away. A bonus is how much more special it feels when we do visit each other. Loneliness is persistent but I know you and everyone else in this community is even more so. Happy late Thanksgiving and happy early holidays to everyone!!!
Agenda, Dog of the Compactor
2024-12-02 01:04:24 +0000 UTCI always feel like an outsider everywhere I am, even in my family I feel like i don't belong. thats why I'm always alone. I've never been with anyone not even held a hand, completely alone my whole life. This soldier's getting tied . Much love <3
ye boi
2024-11-30 00:35:54 +0000 UTCLoneliness really is such a powerful thing. While it gives you a moment to reflect on all the wonders that were brought into your life, it also has you yearning for more to feel that same spark again. I have always been a quiet person. Growing up, I only had about 2-3 friends to my name. It was hard for me to reach out, especially since I was a victim of bullying. I used to play hockey a few years back, and the kids I was playing with were always so harmful to me, both mentally and physically. I never realized how much that group of people took a toll on me until a few years later, and I’m still trying to mend some of the damage they inflicted on my psyche. Luckily I have been blessed with so many new friends and opportunities, it’s almost unbelievable that I got to the place I am in today. But still, loneliness always seems to follow. I can heavily relate to you in the way that, while you may be around people you are familiar with, I sometimes find myself asking, “do I REALLY belong here? Would anything change if I was absent in this moment?” (Especially since I’m quiet, so I feel bad whenever I can’t contribute to a conversation.) One moment I’ll be laughing with my friends as we drive around the neighborhood, roam around the street, gather at a playground late at night to play games we used to play as kids, or play cards together, and then suddenly I’ll feel like I get thrown into an empty void… At the end on the day, while I may feel isolated at times, it’s okay to feel lonely. Sure, a joke may not land, I may not be able to talk to a new group of people, it may be difficult to open up at times, but ultimately, I’m thankful for the friends that make me feel seen, and for the support they have given me! And even if we all end up separating as we continue our journey into adulthood, I will still be thankful even then. They will never leave my mind. Thank you so much for talking about this Felka. It felt super cathartic writing this reply, (it even made me tear up a bit too!) and I hope it felt good to talk about this for you too. Happy thanksgiving Felka!
ChunkkaS.A
2024-11-29 20:27:39 +0000 UTCThis is something that I've felt myself for such a long time. That feeling of being an "outsider" even amongst people you know. It's a heavy, weighty feeling that makes you wonder what you're even doing. That was the definition of my social interactions for years, and it wasn't until recently that I've made a smaller, more real group of friendships where that doesn't feel the case anymore. That said, there's still a panging deep inside. I see pretty much all those people that I've come to care about, and they all have that 'someone' that they've found where at the end of the day, they return together, and I return alone. I've become comfortable in the loneliness. One of the biggest things I've learned is there is a difference between being "alone" and being "lonely." I've come to find that despite feeling alone very often, I'm still not truly lonely, and that's one of the biggest drives for me. I do have people. I'm not isolated anymore. And this longing for my 'someone' is only temporary. Whether I meet her tomorrow, next week, or in the coming years, it's on the way. And I've decided to become content being "alone." I would often ride out to a spot on a mountain at night that overlooks the big town. All the lights and the moonlight makes a beautiful view. And all I can think of is, "are you down there?" And I think that sentence is the thing we all have in our hearts. Looking up at that moon and stars and wondering: "where are you?" Much love, Fel, and p.s, in case you've ever doubted yourself, you're writing skills in English are incredible. Nobody would guess it's a second language for you 😉
Dart011
2024-11-29 19:56:50 +0000 UTCFelka, I’ve noticed you’ve been sharing more reflective and heavy-hearted thoughts lately. Are you doing okay? I truly hope you’re finding moments of comfort amidst everything. I completely relate to the feelings you described. I actually shared some of my own thoughts on your last post, but your words struck such a chord with me that I felt the need to respond again. For me, it’s not exactly loneliness—it’s more like this deep, internal chill that settles beneath my skin, no matter how many layers I wear or how warm the room is, or if i'm with people or alone. It’s a coldness that seems to come from the inside, one I can’t quite shake. In my family and among my friends, we aren’t particularly affectionate. Not in a bad way—we’re just not the overly touchy or expressive type. But it’s left me feeling… cold, in a way. It’s not something I’d change about them, but it’s something I notice in myself. I also relate to your current situation. Most of my friends and siblings have found their significant others, and things seem to be going beautifully for them. It’s wonderful to see, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t leave me feeling a little out of place—like an outsider in my own social circle. As much as I hate to admit it, there’s even a bit of envy there. Social events among my friends often turn a bit sad for me, because I can't not think about it. Love has always been a central part of how I see the world and what I aspire to find. Even though the farthest I’ve gotten is unrequited crushes, I’ve never been able to give up on the dream. I know I wouldn’t be any happier if I stopped trying. It’s too important to me, and I want to believe that there’s something beautiful waiting down the road. No matter how cold or lonely life feels sometimes, I’ve decided that I’ll never give up. There are people in my life who are incredibly dear to me, and I want to continue being a pillar of support for them. I want to be someone strong and reliable, someone they can count on. At the same time, I can’t deny that I long for that deep connection with someone special—the kind where even silence feels full of meaning. I dream of those moments when a simple gaze gives me butterflies and shivers all at once and where I can just lost myself into another. My hope for you is that you find the flame that melts the ice beneath your skin. You already help to make mine feel more bearable at each videos. I know you don’t ask for anything more than kindness, but if you ever need a moment to unwind or just want someone to listen, feel free to ask. Sending you all the support I can from the other side of the atlantic.
Arthur Lopez
2024-11-29 19:37:26 +0000 UTCThis was amazing!! Soul soldier really got me😭 I've felt this loneliness before at family and friends events, knowing I'm not fitting that mold just yet but I have also felt that those moments im sad and alone aren't forever. They come and go but love truly does find you, and it's amazing and wonderful but it's not always when you want it, like Felka said, in it's own perfect way it finds you. This was amazing and very comforting to hear thank you!!! Much love!!❤️
Ernesto Tovar
2024-11-29 19:31:37 +0000 UTCThank You, sweet woman, for being the source of comfortability and relief for so many here. Hope is a great and rare resource, that being able to give it the way you do is a true privilege to see and receive. P.S. We'll get our moon 🖤🌓 💛
santiago jimenez
2024-11-29 19:15:38 +0000 UTCIf there was a way to liquidate the 6th paragraph and inject it straight into my soul I would. Loneliness comes like a wave, sometimes you can keep your head up and keep breathing and other times it pulls you under and is all consuming. You always seem to perfectly articulate how I (and I’m sure so many others) are feeling. Thank you for what you do Felka, it truly makes a difference to us fellow lonely hearts out here :)
AJ
2024-11-29 19:07:20 +0000 UTCI can relate to these touching words more than I wish were true. Things are getting better by degrees, but I can still feel the pang at times. I hope you are able to find the warmth and comfort you need soon. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, Felka 🫂
sanguinesomnambulist
2024-11-29 18:39:28 +0000 UTCYes, everyone can experience those things and you are no exception. It IS so hard to be hopeful. It took me hearing it 100 times and 100 different ways that I do deserve love and am capable of accepting and receiving love. If I can do it, so can you! The part on the moon made me tear up a little because I do the same thing :') Thank you for writing, I think your words can help a lot of people who read it and feel the same way!! This is why I tart dialogues like this, so we can see ourselves in other people to feel less alone! Thank you thank you for writing me, my friend <3 you belong and have a place here!
felka felka
2024-11-29 18:31:52 +0000 UTCI'm rooting for you... you got this <3
felka felka
2024-11-29 18:28:50 +0000 UTCI'm glad to hear it could help, happy thanksgiving my friend!
felka felka
2024-11-29 18:28:19 +0000 UTCsending hugs to you my friend <3
felka felka
2024-11-29 18:28:01 +0000 UTChappy thanksgiving to you and all who celebrate!
felka felka
2024-11-29 18:27:49 +0000 UTCI feel loneliness since I can remember. My soul and my heart have never shared a moment in big events and friend reunions, without having the feeling of void and despair. Craving so much for the relief of a love to taken on these moments together and get to be understood and heard. Makes me wonder, is it really happening? Is it really coming? Sometimes is really hard to be hopeful and cheerful for the future to come, because you know that it will present itself in your life and that one thing you want, that little corner, as you very accurately described it, where you’ll have everything your heart desires and dreams about, is just a few steps ahead (I say a few because it doesn’t matter how long it takes if the destination is the love of your life). I can remember every night out, every gathering of friends that I’ve spent staring at the moon in the sky and thinking “is this going to be the last time? Am I looking at the same moon as her right now? Are we looking at the same time? Are we close?” And to this day those questions remain unanswered. Loneliness is my friend at this point, every where I go, it’s there with me, showing me how different my life would be if she wasn’t around, the good things and the bad things, she has saved me from wasting my time, but I wish that it wasn’t so tough to deal with. I let my head run too far for this comment but I’m glad I did, at least I can feel that I resonate with a couple of people that long for the same things I do, it’s comforting in some way… Much love to you, Felka 🖤🖤
santiago jimenez
2024-11-29 18:23:44 +0000 UTCHappy Thanksgiving 🌻✨
CryBabyRebellion
2024-11-29 18:19:05 +0000 UTCThank you Felka I needed this. I found myself at a partly empty gym for the majority of thanksgiving, not because I don’t like my family or anything. But because of the way it just feels just like another day. Even with my family there it felt like nobody knew me. Tbh it felt more lonely than most days. It just feels like I’m slowly drowning but I have little pool floats that kids wear Ty again, you talking about this means more than you know :)
Stetzon
2024-11-29 18:07:36 +0000 UTCHappy Thanksgiving “virtual hug” 🤗
TITANOFTHIGHS
2024-11-29 17:58:32 +0000 UTCThanks, Felka! I really needed this. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tav
2024-11-29 17:55:30 +0000 UTC
![[M]Alice](https://nokimo.com/istorage/96453.jpg)
