Chapter 2 of Tanya Skywalker
Added 2024-10-24 17:40:32 +0000 UTChttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1BySvdCHtEMTo-fFCGMpQwdcLSCI9g7WOclgbhh9iXPg/edit?tab=t.0
Comments
Hey! I have to say I love the comments you made, could you add me in discord so we could talk more? Add me: generalmax or join the discord. There we can talk better
Maxim Marko Blashkevych
2024-10-24 20:07:33 +0000 UTCAbout the story - politics are pretty good and characters are acting well. Cody and Rex speaking about politics and Clone wars was a highlight. Also Tanya's scene with Anakin was sweet. You mention midichlorians few times and I would really rather you didn't - it's not necessary and detracts from the mistique of the Force (that's speaking as one of the few people that prefers prequels to original trilogy). Organa is interesting. I've always saw him as pure democratic idealist, though admittedly I never paid much attention to him. You're portraying him far more interestingly. "Republic was a dream of a united Galaxy for a common cause represented in democratic chambers)", it's interesting interpretation of a character. Also Yularen is amazing "sadly it is only a tragedy" - Gold!
Gryfonides
2024-10-24 19:55:25 +0000 UTCThere are a lot of 'Emperor's in there. Might I suggest changing some of them to "Palpatine" or similar? Especially in second paraghaph of senate scene. On that topic, I think some people shouldn't talk/think 'emperor' at all - Ashoka especially but also people like Beil who never trully accepted Empire. Also Anakin in private. It could highlight that they aren't accepting of New Order. Like in medival times people called some kings by their first names to stress they don't accept their legitimacy. Also, new here so I'm not sure - where/if is it appropriate to change the text - typos, weird turns of phrase, etc and where to point them out (I already did some typo editing, do inform me of date of execution a week beforehand if it's not allowed).
Gryfonides
2024-10-24 19:50:10 +0000 UTC
