Men In Black - Carbonized and Neuralized

Samuel cowered behind his BMW as lasers flickered around the parking garage, blasting concrete pillars to dust. He'd been on his way home from work when the thing attacked. It almost resembled a man except for the distended sack of skin dangling from its chin and the two alien pistols in its hands.

Samuel peeked over the bonnet. The alien figure was being pursued by two men in neatly pressed black suits and shades. The elder of the two lugged what appeared to be a massive, unwieldy rifle, chrome-plated rifle and knobbled, while a younger black guy wielded what he could just make out to be a tiny, cricket-sized pistol. The alien figure span, spraying both pistols wildly. The two men in black suits dove for cover.

One pistol flickered a crimson ray that blasted a trail of craters in the concrete. The other fired a focused emerald beam. The young, suited figure ducked behind a pillar just as the green light enveloped it, the concrete shifting instantly into a crawling column of insects. His cover now swarming about his ankles, he rolled away as a second blast turned the steel fire escape door behind him into transparent jelly.

The other man was radioing for assistance. "In pursuit of a ballchinian wielding reverberating carbonizers, one set to mutate. Requesting back-up."

A car roared into the parking garage, bearing down on the alien figure, the 'ballchinian', who turned the emerald beam on it. The scream of the driver was cut short as the vehicle contracted and split apart, transforming into a stampeding herd of buffalo in a blink of an eye. The driver was gone. The ballchinian continued firing, carving a path through the herd with the transformative raygun, turning them to balls of yarn, tins of paint, squirming octopi, piles of tapioca pudding...

Samuel had seen enough. He dropped to the ground and tried to worm himself under his car, but his fat, middle-aged belly was far too big. Gasping and grunting from exertion, he squirmed under the protection of the car, only for the weight to suddenly be lifted in a blast of green light, as his vehicle was caught in the crossfire, turning into a tiny pomeranian puppy.

The gun-wielding alien stood over him, both pistols trained on his chest. Samuel crawled back, whimpering. The thing sneered, its chinsack quivering in delight as it played with the idea of which weapon to end him with. It settled on the mutate option. Green light seared through Samuel's closed eyelids as the bolt struck him.

It was as though every cell in his body was burning up at once. His middle-aged flesh melted, shrank and bulged. Pert youthful breasts burst from his flabby chest. His skeleton twisted inside him, hips widening, fresh teeth bursting from a reforming jaw. He'd always been doughey, growing obese in his middle age from a comfortable marriage and the cooking of his wife, but now he felt that fat liquifying and pouring southward to swell out his plump, teenage thighs.

The burning light faded. Tentatively he opened his eyes, a held breath escaping his lips as a feminine gasp. He felt... good. He was still terrified, certainly, shuffling further back on his fine, fleshy rear, but his once aged body now hummed with vibrant energy. Staring downwards, he took in his young form.

The alien creature looked disappointed. "A human female? A shame - I wanted something deadly to distract them. Perhaps next time I'll have more luck."

The creature tweaked a setting on the reverberating carbonizer and levelled it back on Samuel, but in that moment, rage overcame the ex-man. To be granted youth again, only to be killed moments later, was too cruel. With the lithness of a panther, Samuel sprang, punching and kicking recklessly, grabbing for the pistols. But the creature was strong, and he soon sensed his own female strength giving out in the struggle. As the barrel of the carbonizer inched closer, the ballchinian's face drew near in a leer, and a desperate opportunity presented itself. Samuel sank his teeth into the hairy sacks on the creature's chin. It howled in pain, tearing itself away, and-

-burst open in a shower of green gore.

The two black suited men approached Samuel gasping on the concrete, one of them holstering the miniscule pistol that had eviserated the alien so spectacularly.

The elder gentleman crouched next to him and procured a penlike device from his suitpocket, saying with a flat tone, "don't worry, ma'am, we have the situation under control. Do you have a name?"

''Ma'am'?' Samuel thought. "My name is Sam. What was that thing?"

"Don't you worry about that, Samantha. Now this..." He flicked a button on the device which began to hum. "...is called a neuraliser. This red eye here will isolate the electronic impulses in your brain, specifically the ones for memory."

None of this was making sense. Samuel cupped his tender breasts. "Wh-what did it do to me?"

"Excellent question. The answer you're looking for lies right here."

A blue neon pulse flashed into Samuel's eyes. His expression went limp, his brain temporarilly a blank slate as his memory rebooted.

"Poor girl must have had the shock of her life," Agent K said, as he began to spoke in a slow authoritative voice. "Samantha, in a few moments, everything is going to feel completely normal. See, there was a gas leak ignited by light reflected by-"

"You can do better than that, K," Agent J said, taking the neuralyser from his mentor and giving the girl a second blast of neuron-frying energy. "Girl, what you're going to do is go somewhere nice and forget all about this. Forget about everything. Pamper yourself - spa treatment, ice cream, and a date with a hunky guy. Anything and everything that makes you feel good."

Agent K snatched his neuralyzer back, hitting the woman with one last blast. "Have a nice life, ma'am," he said, the two men swiftly departing.

At last, Samantha blinked, finding herself sitting on the floor of a parking garage. She stretched her lithe figure. She wasn't sure where she was, or why, or who. All she knew was she was ready to go out and have a good time.