Reviving Patreon! And an honest update

Gosh, I've re-written this post so many times, but it's time for a proper update. It's difficult for me to talk about this so openly, but I think you all should know what's been going on - and maybe my missteps can work as a precaution to some.

When I created my Patreon, I initially wanted to draw more for myself. Patreon was supposed to sponsor my time for personal art and fanart, enabling me to financially survive and not lose my mind in the process.

Many of you have noticed that... these past several months, I haven't drawn for myself much or at all. It's because I couldn't.

I had taken on so much work, my queue of paid-for work kept getting longer, despite all the drawing I did every single day, relentlessly and without rest.

I thought I'd manage; I'm pretty fast after all! I could totally do this.

Sadly, the great amount of work to be done started taking its toll on me.

Here I need to stop and emphasize that the fault is entirely mine. I don't want any of you to feel guilty in any way, because nothing I say here is your responsibility. It's ME who overestimated my own capabilities. It was purely my mistake, which I noticed far too late and at that point, it was too late to take a step back and do things over.

Back to the topic:

I drew at least 2 Patreon rewards daily (any day with only 1 reward completed was a day wasted). Fully coloured and shaded artworks, many of them requiring high levels of focus and creativity. Additionally, I drew commissions (heartbreakingly, I heard I draw too slow for some), fanart, things for zines, etc. Every single day, every month, with no break.

I became frustrated, irritated and occasionally lashed out at my friends.

I didn't have time for myself or even to just rest. Even when I told you or told myself I'm taking a break - I couldn't. I had so many things to do. I just couldn't stop thinking about them, planning them, being worried if I'll make it in time (it happened more and more often that I didn't manage to draw everything during the month...)

I got stuck. I had to draw to feed myself and my cats. To pay bills, taxes... I couldn't take a break, I just couldn't stop.

I was getting more and more desperate, tired, and lost.

There was even a moment, where a family member asked me to draw their two dogs for their birthday - something I'd absolutely love to do, normally!  - and I almost cried. Because someone asked me to draw even more, on top of my current workload.

Then, the sudden opportunity to work for a game developer came as a blessing to me. I could get by from month to month without overworking myself, and with a strict and fair frame of work hours.

The past month has been a healing process from the heavy burnout I suffered.

And I mean - really heavy burnout. I was at a point where the very thought of drawing for someone else was making me cry.

So, after being hired by the gaming developer, the fact that I didn't have to draw anything outside of pre-determined work hours was a relief. I enjoyed my time *not drawing* and *not thinking about drawing*.

And right now, I feel... better. I feel rested and far more at peace. I've had time to think about my mistakes. And to give some thought to my Patreon and what it is that I originally loved about it.

And I know what I want to do.

For now, I'm closing all art tiers. It's only temporary, because I simply don't have as much time outside of work right now to draw art rewards monthly. I may bring them back in the future, but when I do, there will be a maximum of 5 slots.

I was drawing over 30 rewards per month - it was getting to be too much, as I'm sure you can tell. I can't continue like this, or I'll risk pushing myself into another, potentially heavier burnout.

I still have a backlog of paid artworks to do and now is the time to finish them. I'd like to stream from time to time and catch up with everything!

I  want to focus on personal art and fanart. YOU SAW THE NEW GROWLITHE, YOU KNOW I NEED TO DRAW IT. But I also want to enjoy the process! I want to improve, sketch, explore different mediums and styles - something I simply couldn't do this past year.

...but this also means I want to focus more on prints! THIS is something that made me the happiest; these little gifts I was sending to you every month. Every letter was decorated by hand, and I loved picking new stickers or tapes to use! I loved when you told me you enjoy my orange envelopes! I want to continue this route and focus on this. Maybe explore using different types of textured paper for the prints - glossy, holographic, canvas, watercolour, the options are endless! Also varying sizes, maybe additional magnets or stickers?? It's so exciting to me and I just want these physical rewards to provide something like miniscule Christmas for you guys, every month, haha!

So... yeah. That was my story.

Once again, I don't want ANY of you feel guilty for what happened! The fault is entirely mine and I'm not asking for pity. You guys are amazing, kind, patient, and I couldn't wish for better Patrons! Truly, I am grateful for all of you, for your messages and for simply being here. Sharing my artwork with you is a joy and an honour, and I want to continue bringing light to your life! Especially now, when I regained my light.

Bear with me a little bit longer, please! I'll be back stronger and more honest, bringing you the best content I can.

Love ya!

- Ana