Im so sorry. I take full accountability

I want to start by saying I love you, I value you, and I truly wouldn’t be here without you. For the past eight years this community/our community has been my safe space and my purpose. every single one of you has shaped that.I need to take full responsibility for a recent decision I made that caused much hurt, disappointment, and even drove many many away. Creating a spicy tier on Patreon was unacceptable and it was not respectful to the space we’ve built together. I should never have brought that kind of content here and Im so so deeply, deeply sorry for letting you down. Im not sorry for making spicy content, im sorry I placed it on a tier here. it will be moving to OF next month

The truth is, I’ve been facing some overwhelming challenges with my health. I recently learned that I have a new heart condition that will require a heart ablation, along with a diagnosis of narcolepsy1 with cataplexy on top of my other health conditions. The insomnia many of you have heard me struggle with has now been explained and I have answers. it’s connected to my brain detecting vascular compression/blockage of airways and my brain has been protecting me by keeping me awake because it thinks if I go to sleep, I won’t wake up. I need a brain mri asap. as I shared, I have lost my insurance, and I’ve been told new coverage will cost $5-600 a month. Without it, I can’t even access the medications I need.. many of which cost thousands.

I made the decision to try and fill that gap by offering new content, but in hindsight I see it was the wrong place to do it. This space has always been about comfort, safety, and community….and I broke that trust many have felt. For that I am so so deeply sorry.

I want to reassure you I am in the process of moving this content to a different platform (OF) where it belongs, and Patreon will remain the warm, wholesome, and comforting space it has always been. I will finish this month of spicy content out and by next month have it be moved to a different platform. And for that, I am still so sorry for the people that feel disappointed in me. I feel really ashamed of myself I was just trying and the best way I knew how with the very very limited to no other options I had. You might think I could apply for disability but what you don’t understand is that it barely covers for people to live comfortably or at all and most everyone gets denied the first time first a few times applying and if you were on disability, you cannot bring in any other sources of revenue. So it’s either I continue what I’m doing or I give it all up and except Help that will barely cover basic needs that anyone and everyone has. not to mention you have to go to court which costs for lawyers, and it can be a process of years.

I don’t take your support for granted ever. not for a single moment. You are the reason I’ve been able to create, heal, and to keep going…. Ive been so privileged. Even on the hardest days and pitch black moments in time. I hope with time I can rebuild the trust that this decision shook and destroyed. Thank you for hearing me, and for being here. I love you all and I can’t express enough How sorry I am. If this is where your journey with me ends, I am wrapping you in so much love and light and know that you all will always be in my thoughts. Many have left and to all of those people that I created connections with I hold such space of gratitude for all and love and the vulnerability that so many of shown and shared with me is safe. I wish I could go back, but I can’t. I can only move forward

Maddie