asmrmads

PATREON ASMR| DAYS IN A CHRONIC ILLNESS FLARE(VLOG)

Added 2024-03-31 07:01:58 +0000 UTC

This was a very vulnerable one to make....it's so easy to play into the false reality that social media is. I could have filmed one day out of the month where illness was more manageable, but that hypothetically would be very ethically wrong in my soul. I never want to contribute to that false reality that makes people sick, confused, feeling alone in moments of struggle because "everyone else is doing okay". When that's so far from reality. We ALL struggle at some point in time. This month/past 6 weeks has been so heavy mentally and physically trying to cope with chronic illness.

The grief has been so present, high pain levels I can't get under control. fear and anxiety over some big health scares, wanting/desiring comfort, isolation, changes in my body that are showing up on the outside that I can't change. Struggling to adjust to my current weight that I haven't had in many years. Medical trauma and sever anxiety over upcoming surgery, struggling not to blame this flare on me and something I did/didnt do. Struggling with medical debt, and deep pain/sadness over feeling like the bug on the sticky pad not moving....while everyone around me is having human experiences that I deeply desire. Struggling with my rent increasing because I have been so sick and unable to move like I was supposed to this month. Struggling over the fact people are so ignorant and cruel surrounding invisible illnesses, really struggling with ptsd surrounding my cataplexy and the fear I will be alone when the next episode comes. Struggling with my body image v heavily. And overall, the pain I can't get relief from and haven't for a single day in the past 6 weeks.

Know how you are never alone and so loved here.

If you understand any of this I'm so sorry.

Thank you for always holding space for me. xoxo