asmrmads

My sweet puppy Catalina

Added 2021-04-05 21:31:07 +0000 UTC

My sweet puppy, Catalina A.K.A. Nana went to sleep today.

My heart hurts in a way it never has before. And my words feel so little compared to my never-ending love for Catalina. I will never truly be able to express what she means to me and how broken I feel.

There's now a hole that no one/nothing will ever be able to fill. There has never been a day/night that she hasn't slept right next to me letting me know its all going to be okay. She never let me suffer in pain by myself. We got her over 10yrs ago when I first got sick and was at home constantly.....my parents hated the isolation and thought Catalina would be a great therapy dog for me. 10yrs later and she's still been working as that therapy dog to make sure im never alone in my pain if she can help it. I am so lucky to have had my sweet Nana from childhood into adulthood. She often times took on that role it felt like of a parent when mine were absent. She watched over her 3 kids and made sure she gave comfort to each of us as it was needed. She knew just how to soothe each of us in her own special way. I find no one being able to comfort me the way I need except her.....I'm an odd slinky cat that's hard to figure out how to give love to haha, but she always knew. She truly raised us 3 kids and have loved us into adulthood. I'm not ready to be without her.... I'll never never be ready, but especially not right now. Life feels so out of control and heavy....I dont know how I'll get through this or manage to be okay in any way, especially at night without her. I just know that she would never let me suffer, and I know she was suffering here on earth. What kind of loved one would I be to let her suffer because I cant let go? I hope my sweet sweet puppy is hopping through fields of tall grass and eating as many pop tarts as she can right now.

Catalina changed our lives and was nothing but a gift/blessing each and everyday. I will miss her more than I could ever express.

My heart feels so beyond heavy, and I'm really really struggling right now. Not sure how to move on and keep going when my anxiety attacks are saying shut down and isolate.