Bonus: Redoing my Life, The Adler Hypothesis pt.2

“You come across a huge monster—three massive legs, flailing tentacles,” Wil Wheaton said dramatically, placing the miniature at the center of the table. “What do you do?”

The players leaned in, surrounding the well-detailed game board: William Shatner, Joe Manganiello, Deborah Ann Woll, Daniel Adler, Kevin Smith, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar… and Leonard Hofstadter, blinking behind his glasses, very nervous and overwhelmed as he tried to keep up.

Shatner adjusted his glasses with a flourish. “Fellows,” he said, voice rich with theatrical gravitas, “I believe we are facing an otyugh. Now… here’s the plan.”

“Hold on there, Bill,” Kareem interrupted, raising a hand calmly.

Shatner’s eyebrows arched. “What now, Kareem?”

Kareem pointed at the miniature. “How do we know it’s not a neo-otyugh?”

Shatner groaned. “Same way I know the difference between an owlbear and a bugbear. Years of experience and a basic understanding of Monster Manual, Volume One.”

“You started playing two years ago,” Joe muttered quietly.

Shatner leaned forward. “Does that answer your question?”

Kareem blinked. “No.”

“Look,” Daniel said, reaching for his dice, “there’s one way to settle this. We chop it up and look at the pieces.”

Deborah rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. Why do you always have to attack everything? Maybe it just wants to talk!”

Kevin Smith raised his hand. “Exactly! Why can’t we talk?”

Joe Manganiello smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Big surprise. Podcast Guy wants to talk.”

Daniel and Joe exchanged a satisfied high five.

Kareem, not missing a beat, turned to Leonard. “What do you think?”

Leonard blinked. “Honestly? I’m just happy to be here.”

“Don’t worry, buddy,” Shatner said with a grin. “One day you’ll meet a girl.”

“I have met girls,” Leonard said defensively.

Daniel squinted. “I still can’t believe you dated the Serial Apest.”

“The Serial what now?” Shatner asked, genuinely confused.

Deborah shook her head, chuckling. “That movie was so bad. It made no sense.”

“Exactly,” Wil said, nodding. “That was the point.”

Deborah turned to him. “Oh, you made it. I forgot… and I remember you wanted me to star in it.”

Wil held up his hands. “Which, thankfully, you weren’t. Not that desperate.”

Leonard looked around. “Well, Penny was.”

Leonard looked at Daniel, his expression apologetic. “I’m sorry about Sheldon,” he said quietly.

Daniel burst out laughing. “Leonard, this is the third time you’ve apologized for him today.”

“This Sheldon guy… what’d he do?” asked Joe.

Daniel exhaled. “He caused a bit of trouble at my signing during the last Con I went to. For some reason, he was absolutely convinced I was going to use the Wally West version of The Flash in the upcoming movie, and he was prepared to convince me to use Barry.”

Kevin Smith and Joe said at the exact same time, eyes wide, “You are doing what?”

“I’m not,” Daniel said, hands up.

“Good,” Kevin replied, relieved. “You almost gave me a heart attack. I mean, I like Wally, but people have kinda forgotten Barry.”

Wil Wheaton leaned forward with a grin. “So... did you make it onto Sheldon’s enemy list?”

Leonard didn’t miss a beat. “Yes. You’re on it,” he said, looking at Daniel.

Daniel blinked. “He has an actual list?”

“He does,” Leonard said flatly.

William Shatner, intrigued, sat back. “I like this man. It’s good to have a list of enemies. Makes life more fun.”

Leonard glanced at him. “He thinks Picard is better.”

Shatner’s demeanor changed instantly. “I am with you, Daniel. I hate him.”

Laughter rippled around the table.

The game continued, and by the second hour, Leonard looked far more relaxed than when he’d first arrived—laughing with Joe, even teasing Kevin about mixing up his initiative order.

Then Deborah did what she always does, ruining pop fiction.

“So,” Deborah said casually, looking at Daniel, “why do you keep getting so worked up about this?”

Daniel groaned. “Because, Deborah, I’m not wrong. You always do this. We’ve had this debate for months.”

“I mean,” she said, shrugging, “am I wrong? If you remove Indiana Jones from Raiders, it ends the same way. The Nazis open the Ark and die anyway.”

A collective groan went around the table.

Except for Shatner, who tilted his head. “Wait, what?”

“No, no, no,” Kareem said, sitting up straighter. “If it weren’t for Indy, they would’ve never found the Ark. They were digging in the wrong place!”

“That’s right!” Leonard and Joe said in unison.

Daniel was deep in thought. “No, no. They were digging in the wrong place because Indy had the medallion. Without him, they would’ve had the medallion, known the correct location, and found the Ark.”

The room fell silent. Everyone—except Shatner—groaned.

Shatner blinked. “What the hell are you people talking about?”

With the game over and goodbyes said, Daniel and Leonard stepped out of Wil Wheaton’s house.

Daniel stretched his arms behind his head as they walked toward the curb. “Hey, if you or your friends ever want anything signed, just let me know. I kinda felt bad I couldn’t do it earlier, even for Sheldon…”

Leonard smiled. “That’s really nice of you. Thanks.”

Daniel waved it off. “Don’t mention it. Though... maybe you could get me Penny’s autograph in return.”

Leonard blinked. “Wait, you actually liked Serial Ape-ist?”

Daniel smirked. “Oh, yes. It’s a bad movie. A truly bad movie.” He paused. “But it’s a bad movie my girlfriend and I genuinely enjoyed.”

Leonard chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure Penny would love to meet you. She’d probably ask you for a part in one of your movies.”

Daniel gave him a look. “I’m gonna be honest with you, Leonard... I think Serial Ape-ist killed any chance of that ever happening.”

Leonard’s smile faded. “Oh...”

They shared an awkward silence, then a brief handshake before heading in opposite directions.

.

.

.

Two Months Later

The Cheesecake Factory was between rushes—quiet, for once.

Penny was not waiting tables today. She looked up. “Oh, hey, Leonard.”

Leonard approached with a smile. “Hey. Just here to pick up a cheesecake.”

Penny cocked an eyebrow. “Cheesecake? What’s the occasion? Did I forget something?”

Leonard hesitated. “Uh... it’s a work thing.”

Penny frowned. “A work thing?” She crossed her arms.

Leonard’s eyes darted. “Yes. Yeah. It’s... uh, for morale.”

Still suspicious, Penny shrugged and turned to grab the cake from the cooler. As she boxed it up, her eyes wandered to the entrance—and then widened in disbelief.

“Holy crap,” she muttered. “That’s Daniel Adler.”

She spun around, cake in hand. “Leonard!”

He nearly jumped. “Y-yeah?”

She pointed over her shoulder. “I just saw Daniel Adler.”

“You did?” said Leonard, trying not to make a big deal of it.

“Yes, I did. Maybe you should go and apologize to him for the Sheldon thing and then introduce me—or maybe I should go. He might hate you…” She trailed off.

Leonard laughed awkwardly. “Oh, I don’t think that’s a great idea…”

“Come on,” Penny insisted, nudging the cake toward him.

“I’m just gonna take the cake,” Leonard said quickly, shifting his weight. “Thanks, bye!”

He grabbed the box and made a hasty exit.

Penny blinked. “What was that?”

She followed Leonard outside, and there she saw him not going to his own car but getting into a very nice-looking Ford Mustang.

With Daniel Adler.

Her jaw dropped. “What the—”

She narrowed her eyes. “I knew he was up to something,” she muttered.

“You’ve got some explaining to do, Hofstadter.”

====

When Penny got home, she didn’t even pause. She marched straight down the hall and pushed into Apartment 4A.

“Hey,” she said, stepping inside.

On the couch were Raj and Howard, surrounded by snacks and soda cans. At the kitchen counter sat Sheldon, intensely focused on his laptop.

Howard and Raj greeted her in unison.

Sheldon didn’t look up. “Hello, Penny.”

Penny raised an eyebrow. “So... what are you guys doing?”

Sheldon didn’t glance away from his screen. “We are investigating.”

“Oh boy,” Penny said, folding her arms. “What is it?”

Howard chimed in, clearly enjoying the chaos. “Sheldon found out Wil Wheaton hosts a game of Dungeons & Dragons.”

“No,” Sheldon said, still not looking up. “Not just any Dungeons & Dragons. A celebrity-only campaign. Weekly. Hidden. Invite-only.”

“And,” Howard added, grinning, “Sheldon is trying to figure out who the players are.”

“I already have some proof,” Sheldon said, tilting his screen so they could see. “Observe: a photo taken outside Wheaton’s house. Joe Manganiello, Daniel Adler, Wil Wheaton, and Margot Robbie.”

Raj gasped. “Margot Robbie?!”

Howard gave a low whistle. “Man, Daniel Adler is one lucky guy.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “I can get Bernadette on the phone right now if you want.”

Howard turned, smug. “What? I just said she was beautiful. You sound jealous.”

Penny scoffed. “I am not jealous.”

“Ohhh,” Howard said, eyes sparkling. “Is this because she’s a successful actress?”

Penny’s jaw tightened. “Fine. I’ve met her. We auditioned for something together. A long time ago.”

Raj blinked. “You auditioned with Margot Robbie?”

“She wasn’t that famous then,” Penny said defensively.

Howard leaned back, grinning. “So... one blasts off to superstardom, and the other ends up in Cheesecake Factory purgatory.”

Penny smacked him on the arm. “Shut up.”

Sheldon stared at his screen, stiff as a statue, and muttered with growing irritation, “So… my enemies are playing Dungeons & Dragons together.”

Raj groaned and slumped into the couch. “Oh my God, Sheldon. You’re the reason we were kicked out of the con, not Daniel Adler.”

Sheldon turned sharply. “That is a gross misrepresentation of the events. Adler could have stopped those security brutes. But he stood by and did nothing.”

“Yeah,” Penny chimed in, arms folded. “I think I know who else is in that little celebrity game of yours.”

Sheldon looked up, unconvinced. “Really?”

“Yep,” Penny said casually.

“Who?” Sheldon asked.

“Leonard.”

The room fell silent for a beat.

“WHAT?!” Howard, Raj, and Sheldon said in unison.

Penny walked farther in. “Think about it. Hasn’t anyone noticed that Leonard’s been weirdly unavailable one night every week for, oh, I don’t know—two months?”

Sheldon blinked. “Yes. Because he’s taking extra lab hours for his neutrino oscillation project.”

“Wait, he finished that months ago,” said Howard.

Raj squinted. “No way. Leonard? There? Come on.”

Penny crossed her arms. “I saw him. Leaving the Cheesecake Factory. With Daniel Adler.”

Sheldon stood up. “No. No, no. You must be mistaken. Leonard could never willingly associate with one of my enemies.”

At that exact moment, Sheldon’s laptop chimed with a notification.

Raj glanced over and read the screen aloud. “‘Oh yeah, baby, that’s some good cheesecake.’”
It was a selfie of Wil Wheaton eating a cheesecake.

“Aha,” Penny said in triumph.

Sheldon froze. “...That traitor.”

He slammed the laptop shut and jumped to his feet. “We have to go.”

Howard blinked. “Go where?”

“To Wil Wheaton’s house!” Sheldon declared. “If Leonard is playing D&D with William Shatner, I want in.”

He turned to Penny. “You’re driving.”

And with that, Sheldon marched out the door.

Howard looked at Raj. “He’s not wrong.”

Raj was already grabbing his jacket. “If Shatner’s there, I’m bringing my Star Trek Blu-ray for him to sign.”

Penny sighed, rubbing her temples. “I could have just asked Leonard tomorrow…”

She grabbed her keys from her pockets and followed them out. “...But no. This is my life now.”