Nirvana and Neurotic pain (selfies, diary)

My mood at the moment))  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doda2qlIVt0

Diary. 1. Refused black and green tea. I don't drink them for a month. I already have too much excitement inside. I haven't drunk coffee for years. I do not drink alcohol and I have never smoked anything. ... I was recently at a phlebologist and did ultrasound of the veins and arteries of both legs (there was pain in the right leg). When the phlebologist did an ultrasound scan of my vessels, he told me “I’m almost one hundred percent sure that you have never smoked”))) As it turned out, smoking has a very bad effect on the arteries and veins.

2. Neurotic pain is born where you are trying to shove something alien into yourself, where you do not live yours or you crave to receive something alien. My right kidney neurotic problem is probably due to fear suppression. When my inner nature reacts with fear to something or someone, this fear must be seen, I must understand that this is how my nature reacts to these elements, and admit it, accept it and say to myself - yes, I'm afraid, yes my nature is afraid of this, it must be spoken by consciousness, accepted by consciousness, otherwise the impulse of fear that has not reached acceptance in consciousness will continue to cause a spasm. You are a man, you should not be afraid of anything, you should be strong - such beliefs suppress fear and lead to blockage and neurotic pain at the level of the kidneys and intestines. You have to listen to your nature. If you are a fighter or a conqueror by nature (although nature can hardly be infernal) and you get a kick out of certain dangerous things, then that's fine. But I have a sensitive and gentle nature and she reacts very clearly to infernal things as dangerous. You just have to admit it and draw a conclusion. There are no negative feelings or reactions. There is nothing wrong with fear or despondency. It is bad when a person does not want to acknowledge these feelings, which show him the essence of his nature and where he does not need to go, and with whom he does not need to communicate. They just say - this is not my way. Don't go there. Unrecognized reactions of the inner nature and suppressed feelings will accumulate, and then they will make themselves felt in the form of spasms, pains and diseases.

PS I think i will learn qigong ))