Big Daddy Dispatch: August 2020

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Dispatch Forty Five, August 1st, 2020

Hello WHM Family!

Well, it's here! What's been described (at Muldoon's anyways) as the most anticipated Big Daddy Dispatch of all time! Have you Control+F'd that 500th episode yet? You haven't? Wow, you've got a lot of discipline, good for you! Okay...do it now. We'll wait...

Wow! How about that!! Yes, we are RE-DOING a pair of our favorite early episodes as a way to celebrate 500 episodes, and these 10 years on the air (this fall)! It's an incredible milestone for us and we have only you to thank. That's why we're reaching back in and giving those episodes another go now that we're 9ish years older and possibly a little better at this whole podcasting thing. We've recorded them both already and cannot wait to share the SUPER-SIZED episode 500 with you because YOU fine people are the only reason this show is still going. Period. We say it all the time also somehow don't say it enough, your generous PATREON support of your hard earned dollars (especially as they say on TV in "times like these") has made all the difference. It has allowed the fun little hobby of four goofy heavy drinking 20-somethings in Astoria, Queens to blossom into a comedic venture that four grown-ass men (who still drink too much) are incredibly proud of.

It's been the best performing for you folks and we continue to do so with gratitude and humility, because without people posting on the AV Club message boards a decade ago, telling their buddies on the SomethingAwful forums, tweeting about it, telling your friends in person, starting and running Muldoons, the WHM Fan Wiki, making great show art, writing heartfelt emails, writing incredibly silly emails, calling into Listener Request Month, posting on Reddit, dragging your normie friends and lovers to Live Shows, keeping your credit cards current on Patreon.com, and most of all accosting us personally on the street, this show would've gone the way of hundreds of other independent movie podcasts and stopped a long time ago. We feel lucky and grateful for your hard work, which makes our hard work a lot more rewarding. 

THANK YOU.

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  We Hate Movies original logo by Andrew Jupin

WHM 2020 TOUR UPDATE

As you may have guessed, we've been watching the United States' piss poor response to the COVID-19 crisis with as much anxiety, grief, and genuine terror as the rest of you. Especially because with every day that passed it became clearer and clearer that there was no safe way to see you fine folks this fall, which is a huge bummer for us here at the WHM offices. It was a tough decision, but we would never want to do anything that makes anybody choose the safety of themselves and their family against say...watching a couple of fat dudes do Steven Segal impressions for ninety minutes. So with a heavy heart we will be postponing our Fall 2020 tour for Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Detroit, Asheville, Charlotte, and Nashville until 2021.

We have dates in mind and they are very close to being finalized with the respective venues. Once they are expect a big, fat announcement on Social Media and we can put this tour into that ever increasing bucket of THINGS WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO WHEN THE WORLD IS NOT QUITE AS NIGHTMARISH. We ask you to wait for that announcement, check the dates and contact the venues directly with any questions. 

Oh, you'll notice we left our Salem Horror Fest appearance off the list of postponed shows above, that's because we're currently working with that team on a very cool and very safe version of a live(ish) appearance for their festival this year. Details are still TBD, but they should be finalized very soon!! 

LAST MONTH ON WHM Episode 493 – The Mask

Somebody stop me…from enjoying this movie! Andrew, Eric, Steve, and Chris go back to the banner year of 1994 and summon the mischievous god Loki to talk about The Mask, in which Jim Carrey puts on a mask and gets just insanely horny. Was Jim Carrey for kids or adults, ultimately? What movie is Peter Greene in in this movie and where do I go to find a copy of it? Exactly what happens when you get an entire tailpipe shoved up your tailpipe? DOOOYLEEE!
Episode 494 – The Terminal

Heillo, we We Hate Movies and we come from Krakozhia! The gang heads back to the Big Apple and gets stuck in a Capra-esque JFK Airport with The Terminal, the…let’s say misguided…tale of a refugee who gets stuck in an airport with his tin of jazz. Are we honestly supposed to buy anything Stanley Tucci is doing in this movie? Is this Steven Spielberg’s worst movie? What in heaven’s name were they thinking with this romance plot? Was there any company that didn’t pay for product placement in this movie? Trojan might honestly be the only one.
 

Episode 495 – Raiders of the Lost Ark  (PATREON EXCLUSIVE)

For this month’s WLM, the boys cleanse the Spielberg pallet after dealing with The Terminal by revisiting one of the greatest adventure films ever made, starring a never-hunkier Harrison Ford. How many times would you give up all your earthly possessions to even just meet Marian Ravenwood? Is the world prepared for MTV’s Bad Dates, hosted by a very old and ugly John Rhys-Davies? What exactly does this movie think archaeology is? Is that impaled dummy supposed to be Alfred Molina or Jerry Seinfeld? Alright, I need to stop writing this and go watch this movie again immediately.

Episode 496 –  Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life

In which Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve return to find Angelina Jolie, as the titular Tomb Raider, Lara Croft, trying to not fuck Gerard Butler while rescuing some ball of light that will stop a global pandemic as the Tomb Raider. Why does the Paramount logo look like the Phoenix at the end of X2? Can we get a little more Noah Taylor in here and a little less ball of enchanted light? Are you in danger of contracting epic conjunctivitis or swollen measles? Now, time to glide back home in my squirrel suit.

Episode 497 – Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Discombobulate! To round out July, the boys enter the realm of Guy Ritchie to discuss his 2009 totally gritty adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law as famed brawlers Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Was there no way to avoid setting up Moriarty throughout this movie? Excuse me, it’s how long?! Can we ban Ritchie from using slow-motion? Cannot wait for the third movie where Sherlock becomes a men’s rights activist and sincerely quotes Joe Rogan.
 

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.
Andrew: With the Emmy nominations out the morning I’m writing this, I figured checking in with a TV update would be nice. Recently, the television watching has really ramped up in our house. We’re finishing some things that we had left for a while, and also started a bunch of new stuff. So the other day we finished the second season of Dead to Me which I thought was pretty decent. For a show that was seemingly  a one-and-done kind of idea, they pulled off a second season nicely. Although I disagree with some criticism I’ve seen, with people arguing it was better than the first season. Nah. But I do agree with their decision to make this upcoming third season the final one because I don’t know how you sustain this story much longer.

We also started the new Perry Mason on HBO and I have to say, wow, what a ride so far. We have only watched two of the six-ish episodes that have aired already and I can tell now that it’s going to be my favorite new show of the year—sorry, Devs, although you are excellent. Perry Mason seems like a show that was tailored exactly to me: brutal murder mystery, gorgeous production design and costumes, beautifully captured, and an excellent score, all capped off with god-tier performances from Matthew Rhys and John Lithgow, along with several other incredibly strong showings throughout—including Tatiana Maslany, Stephen Root, Shea Whigham, and WHM favorite Lili Taylor! 

I also tacked on watching Titans on my newly-renewed DCU subscription. Granted, I got the service back to read more comics and watch Superman: The Animated Series, but the other night I figured, what the hell, and I threw it on. I’ve watched 3 episodes so far and I’m still interested enough. I appreciate the violence and the “fuck Batman” line that I will cop to making fun of when the commercial aired, doesn’t play as clunky as the ad made it seem. I’ll be continuing this one as well. 

On the movie front, I’ve been doing my usual juggling act of watching stuff to curate for the Jacob Burns Film Center’s Virtual Marquee and my regular intake of TRASH for this show and other, more general trash for my amusement. Along the way have been things I liked and disliked, but here now are films from both pools that I’ve watched and could recommend: Catalina Arroyave Restrepo’s stunning debut Days of the Whale, Max Barbakow’s Palm Springs, the Ross Bros new one Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets (one of the best films of the year), Amy Seimetz’s stunning return to the director’s chair She Dies Tomorrow, Jeff Fowler’s Sonic the Hedgehog—a video game adaptation I liked way more than I expected to largely due to the brilliance of Jim Carrey, Joe Lynch’s Mayhem (another perfect title for right now in virus-ridden quarantine), and finally, we revisited Spielberg’s Catch Me If You Can, a near-perfect film he had out the same year as Minority Report—wow, 2002 was THE year for post-Y2K Spielberg.

Update: After originally writing this, I watched Host on Shudder. It's a stupid-as-hell concept, but the scares are incredibly affective. Wear a diaper. 

Chris: Well, folks, I thought Palm Springs was pretty fun. Having gone through a long phase where I found Andy Samberg not that funny, I am glad to see him have finally secure the kind of comedy career that used to come with big-screen sweeping, big-screen rom-coms in the 1990s, here in the streaming world. Especially after the tragically low box office returns of Popstar, one of the best comedies of the 2010s. I am similarly happy to see Cristin Milioti in such a major role, and to watch her knock it out of the park. There is no getting around the fact that the movie looks and feels like a TV movie: the editing, pacing, and cinematography are all at the service of ensuring everyone understands the (not particularly complex) plot, rather than working towards evoking moods, feelings, ideas, or elemental truths about the characters. Still, not bad if you are looking for a laugh.
 

Ignoring a few major discoveries on Criterion and VOD – Delmer Daves’ Cowboy, John Cassavetes’ Gloria, Adam Curtis’ Bitter Lake, and Nobukino Obayashi’s His Motorbike, Her Island – the other movie that is worth noting is Natasha, the first film of Russian master Ilya Khrzhanovsky’s long-gestating DAU series. I will not get into the truly insane story of how DAU came to be – if you are interested, here is a good intro – but it essentially tells the story of the titular Russian scientific research center that existed under Stalin: the people in it, the work conducted there, and the very life of the sprawling institute, which seems more like a small city in the film. Natasha is very good on its own, thrillingly depicting the unraveling of the titular middle-aged woman who runs one of the commissaries in the institute, her relationship with her new subordinate, and the political fallout of her brief romance with a French scientist. What is already striking about the series is how seriously it takes the balance of repression and wonder, not unlike the experience of being a communist living under an increasingly oppressive, murderous, and failing Communist leader. Hope and possibility can often be often gleaned easily but they come with untold physical and psychological horrors. The next movie in the series is six hours long, as compared to the relatively compact 137-minute runtime of Natasha. I cannot wait to see it.
 

Eric: Big month for rewatches and re-evaluations for me. Several of the movies I rewatched in August were The Fountain, Inception, and The Muppet Movie.

The Fountain: I honestly used to like this a lot more but it fell a star or so with these 2020 peepers. I would wager every Aronofsky movie would have diminishing returns now. I had always been struck by his visual style but in this movie, there's almost too little to work with. The glimpses we get of the Spanish segment are so brief, and the shit we get most of is Hugh Jackman on a soundstage with a tree. Budgets, I get it. That said I actually do really dig the idea of the tree though. Wikipedia sums up the storylines as such, "a conquistador and his ill-fated queen, a modern-day scientist and his cancer-stricken wife, and a traveler immersed in a universal journey alongside aspects of his lost love." It'd have been a lot better of a movie if we actually got a richer sense of what they loved about each other.  These are nearly non-characters, especially Rachel Weisz's, as she pretty much just functions as a blank object of affection. This movie kinda falls into that white guy grief over a dead wife turf. Speaking of which...

Inception: Probably held up to how I felt when I saw it in the theaters for the first time believe it or not. Is it the best movie ever made? No. Of all directors to try to detract in this day and age my god does Nolan get a heap of guff. I find it insulting in an era where "film twitter" bends over backwards in an attempt to rehabilitate the reputations of folks like Michael Bay. In this rewatch though I got vibes of William Gibson's Neuromancer and cyperpunk, like what if Johnny Mnemonic had not been garbage? It's restrained with the sci-fi hokem and I think to the benefit we never truly understand how every device works. I actually brought up the cyperpunk angle on Twitter and got shit over the fact an anime also had that idea of going into dreams. Well, yeah, so did the work of tons of directors in the Noir era exploring the idea of evil hypnotists. Every facet of American film history some guy online will try to accuse of being cribbed from anime. Fear In the Night (1947) starring DeForrest Kelly? Copied from anime. Clear as day. By the way, if you're a Bones McCoy fan -- See that movie! Also by the way, in an it's okay to like a movie type way: I'm totally fine if you think Inception is a complete remake of Paprika (2006), I just don't care, just don't @ me. P.S. Marion Cotillard, the subject of dead wife grief, is Freddy Kreuger in this movie.

The Muppet Movie: A top-to-bottom fun time, saw it at the Story Screen Theater's Drive-In in Beacon, NY. I forgot so much of it, especially Steve Martin's amazing performance as a put upon waiter who does not want to be serving these goddamn animals. Also the threat of death is strikingly real in this children's movie such as the Frog Leg chain restaurant. I could see that being too "upsetting" by today's standards. Although one thing that really, really did not age well in this movie: The Confederate flag. A county fair goer is holding a small one, which makes me think they're goddamn selling small novelty Confederate flags at this county fair! Miss Piggy! Elliott Gould! Get outta there!! 

Steve: As July was sixty months long so, I was able to find the time to squeeze in a bunch of top tier watches! I'll break them up below so it's a little easier to navigate:

New To Me: 

Sorcerer: If you follow me on twitter or are currently listening to this show you'll see that this movie has invaded my brainspace and isn't going anywhere anytime soon. It's just one of those films that you watch and instantly becomes one of your favorites. Easily one of the most tense and rewarding films I "discovered" (even though friends and co-hosts had been recommending it for years) in a long time. Also the soundtrack slaps so hard and is available on Vinyl via Waxwork Records and you better believe I ordered it the next day. 

Rebecca (1940):  Ya know who's good? Dat Hitchcock guy! I will say I'm certainly deficient in my Hitchcock watching but for the most part that works out because I can just dip in and relish every goddamn second of these movies. This one was a real treat, just sumptuous, creepy with a really interesting handle of the "twist." There's something to be said for letting the audience in on the big surprise with plenty of time for the characters and audience to chew on it and fold it into the narrative writ large. Not all surprises belong in the last reel only! 

Destroy All Monsters: We just celebrated the Criterion half-off sale by induldging in their gorgeous Godzilla: The Showa-Era Films box set and hot damn was this movie a treat. Endlessly inventive, silly, fun, and full of insane monsters! I love that Mothra just remains a big fucking caterpillar the whole time. I love the design and incorporation of this huge stable of f-grade monsters that I've never heard of. Who the fuck was that huge spider and why isn't he the king of the monsters? I'm really excited to dig deeper into this set. 

New, but for the love of God, don't bother:

Vivarium: Oh, woof. Just woof. This should be a Black Mirror episode so that it would be at least 2/3 shorter and I could never be fooled into watching it. The movie almost plays with some interesting themes such as societal pressure to have children as well as the overall flavorless-ness of modern home design and pre-packaged consumer culture but it doesn't really do anything. It just dicks around for 55 minutes about whether or not these might be scary aliens, and Jesse Eisenberg (half the cast, mind you) digs a fucking hole for most of the runtime. Please, please steer clear. 

Rewatched 'Cuz of the Show: 

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels: This movie came out in '98 and it was exactly what I needed in the 9th grade: Cursing! Capers! Accents! So, I loved it, along with other Tarantino knockoffs of the era, like The Boondock Saints and Suicide Kings, and even as I got older and found those latter films severely lacking and pretty silly, I assumed Lock, Stock held up. Sorry folks. It don't. Anything you might like about this film can be found in higher quality somewhere else. I think the main cast is actually quite fun together but the film doesn't have enough confidence to let those scenes and relationships breathe, so we're just stuck with almost 20 "central" characters that dizzy up the film with overwrought slang and distract from some truly abysmal cinematography. I think Snatch probably holds up? Because it looks better and the cast is actually good? Am I right? I'll probably let you know next Dispatch. 

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND
This time around we're changing this up by answering two of your questions! 

This month's patron-sourced question comes from Marc in Orlando who asks:

"Which Of Batman’s villains' gangs do you think you’d have been a member of if you grew up in Gotham?"

Andrew: I would say that of all the gangs in Gotham, I probably would’ve wound up in the Riddler’s gang. He seems like he’d be annoying to work for, but I wouldn’t have the exact same amount of constant dread and terror in the workplace that I would get working for the Joker or Two-Face. And forget working for the Penguin; man, the smell would just be way too much. Although maybe working for the Egg Man would see me getting some deviled eggs comped for lunch or something?

Chris: I’ve had enough jokers as bosses in my day, so he’s out immediately. I feel like both Penguin and Riddler are very fussy about how their goons dress and that’s a big no thanks from me. Mad Hatter would also probably land under that rubric. Catwoman should only hire female goons – they are an underrepresented class. Two-Face to me seems like the one to go for, as long as he’s not asking you to don some split-down-the-middle outfit, which I feel he wouldn’t. He seems like a guy who is all about getting things done and has narrowed down his theatrics to a simple coin flip, which I appreciate.

Eric: It's the dog days of summer right now and I was never too much of a guy to mind winter. So I will say, I'm signing up under Mr. Freeze. What's not to like? You get to wear styling coats all the time. You never sweat. You get an ear load of that buttery sweet Austrian accent (yeah, I'm saying it's the Arnold version.) Speaking of dead wife syndrome, my god, this dude. Or Frozen wife? Nearly dead frozen wife? Regardless, I'm eating Snow Cones with the boys before we bust up a jewelry store. 

Steve:  It's a tougher choice than you may expect because there's a bunch of instant disqualifiers, such as the fact that you're very likely to get murdered in Joker's gang, I think you might have to be a twin for Two-Face's gang (sorry Chris), I'm not working for the Scarecrow because there's bound to be some fear gas run off and I hate tripping on bad shrooms, and no way in hell am I taking orders from a guy with a little Ventriloquist dummy. Not on your life. So, who're we left with? I'm going Riddler here. He seems like the least violently insane of the bunch, really sharp style (I think I look good in green), and his ambition is pretty low, so you're likely to do one or two jobs a month, and as a lazy fuck myself, I'm fine with that. 

AUGUST SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out in August including our 500th Episode!! 

Episode 498 — Dante's Peak with Justin Case

Episode 499 — Multiplicity

Episode 500 — Superman III & Superman IV REDUX (releasing Tuesday 8/18 and Thursday 8/20)

Episode 501 — Stone Cold with Josh Lewis

Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Superman: The Movie

Animation Damnation — Inspector Gadget: "Monster Lake" (s1, e1)

The Nexus: TOS: "Obsession" (s2, e13) TNG: "Samaritan Snare" (s2, e16)

Gleep Glossary: Jar Jar Binks

Patreon Re-Released Commentary: Star Trek: Nemesis
 

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!
UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION

Just a reminder that we are donating 100% of all profits we receive from our Tee Public store in the year of 2020 to great causes supporting the Black Lives Matter movement, combating Police Brutality, and supporting racial justice. You can donate directly here or you can donate by buying some SICK WHM merch like our newly designed Order of The Boop Shirt!

If you're not subscribed to our Youtube Channel you are missing out on a ton of great content! Late in June we did a "watch along" with Can't Hardly Wait which was a ton of fun. We also put out a synched clip from our Justice League Commentary about The Skeleton League and a fun clip from The Catsmentary! Also Eric put out great clip packages like Breaking Down the 10 Commandments, President Nerd, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. You can also find full episodes like Angel Has Fallen, Samurai Cop, Back to the Future, The Human Centipede (First Sequence), Die Hard With a Vengeance (with Jon Gabrus), and Return of the Jedi! There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 

That's gonna do it for this month's dispatch, thanks as always for your incredible support! Here's to another 500!

Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies