thoughts about the future

Howdy y'all. So, i wanted to take a moment and talk about where I am right now in terms of my burnout and what I want to do going forward.

I've been extremely stressed and upset lately, not only because I am still burnt out, but also just generally looking at how much my relationship with art has deteriorated. Y'all may remember that last year i had a similar bout of burnout, and while back in November I DID return, and get back to making a lot of art, I think you can all see how i've essentially run myself into the ground again. That is to say, I don't think my current way or working, and my current relationship with art, is sustainable for me. Even when i was putting out work, I didn't really feel the old spark return and outside of a few small glimpses of inspiration, my passion to create my own original art is at an all time low. I could maybe live with this if commissions and fanart were filling the void but frankly, I'm exhausted by those as well.

I don't think I can make art the way I have been, ie through commission, or through promising X amount of Y content for supporters, anymore. I think the weight of having the expectations of others upon me has soured my relationship with art, and I can no longer brute force it.

I know this probably sounds like I'm about to say im quitting art and im gonna move into the mountains and become a hermit but I want to assure y'all, im not quitting art or erotica. While my brain and body may be too burned out to create right this moment, I cannot fathom not making art anymore, its just foreign to me. It's a part of who i am and how i exist. My heart WANTS to make art. My hands just can't do it right now is all.

All this to say, I think I need to restructure my patreon (and subscribestar) one last time, and set expectations that will allow me to flourish. I don't think I can deliver on like, specific kind of art at specific times anymore, you know, things like "oh ill do 2 fanart pics a month plus some original art" etc etc. I need to make for myself first. I need to mess around, mess with my techniques, allow myself to make work that is not anywhere NEAR as polished as my current work is, explore other subject matter, and yes, allow myself to not be beholden to a strict schedule. Essentially, im trying to turn this into a hobby again, not a career, at least in the short term.

I know this is going to be disappointing to some people, and I want you to know that I COMPLETELY understand if this is the point you have to drop your patronage. I know I kinda shifted this place to be more of a tipjar a year or two back but now I really do want people to take that in earnest: This is a TIP JAR now. If you continue to support me, at any tier, THANK YOU. You are still helping me and Carbonoid with your support here, it's a big reason why I can't bring myself to nuke it, the $ DOES help us. But if you want to take your money and spend it elsewhere, that is your right and I thank you for supporting me thus far regardless.

I hope I can rekindle my love for art by making this change. It's scary, ive been using art as my full time career for over TEN YEARS. I'm proud of what ive done. And I'm thankful that I have Carbonoid in my life and theyre encouraging me to rest and focus on taking care of our home while they bring home the bacon. To anyone who has ever supported me financially, who has shared my work or left kind words for me to read, I want to offer my sincerest thanks.