St. George Sun

Earlier this spring right before May. I was having the most frustrating and stagnant few days. I was on my exodus from the void. When I’m on the road and in pursuit of energy I have to keep moving and exploring and shooting and playing. Even on my worst days I naturally gravitate towards these activities when I’m on the road and have access to beautiful natural surroundings. I’m not inherently content and there are a lot of obstacles in my way so I’ve gotten really good at getting there no matter what it takes.

I had met up with a longtime similarly-nomadic friend who was working seasonally out of this city. Before this I was solo in some magical canyon far off the beaten path that I had scouted using satellite maps. It was so badass and just what I needed and I was so excited for more. I was very much not ok in my body at this time but was putting much needed heart and soul into my road days. Then I landed in St George. My friend was similarly super depressed but was doing nothing about it. They also didn’t tell me that they were super depressed and doing nothing about it so I was expecting a partner in crime. The skies and rock formations were all endlessly vivid and inspiring and this person was totally dead weight. Didn’t wanna do anything. Didn’t want to help me scout or shoot— and we both partake naked wilderness self portraiture. After a day or two of feeling like all that I was working to cultivate was slipping away, I kindly and graciously told my friend to fuck off and then within 20 minutes I was up a trailhead getting these shots.

I cannot believe how quick this medicine was. I’m still surprised to feel it change my energy despite doing this so many times and knowing what to expect. The setting Sun on my body was such a beautiful gift to aid in squeezing some goodness out of the end part of this day. A slightly vindictive celebration, like to show off how much I love this and how much it serves me. And how it’s always RIGHT THERE waiting for you. And how I will always opt to go and get the win as needed.

Once the sun was gone and I was pacified by my devotional therapy, I met up with my friend again— whom I love dearly but needed to go for me to do the thing— and we shared some energy in the dark and dusty BLM desert scape. We were both happy that I had done what I needed to do given the circumstances… The next day I continued West.