May in Ragonia (2021)

Hello Patrons, and a very happy weekend to you! I have the absolute joy to be writing to you from my current favorite spot in the universe, the gloriously roomy and sunny balcony on my new apartment in Seattle. As is Seattle tradition, the weather the last few weeks has been incredibly up and down: sunny and warm for a bit and then cold, windy and rainy for a bit. No matter the weather, every single day I feel so fortunate to have moved to this apartment where we can actually see the sky, the light, and the outside world.

So, I’m outside, I have a place to sit in the sun, my balcony farm is GROWING, and I get to share all about the month of May as a freelance illustrator with a supportive and lovely group of artists and art fans... it’s heaven.

Before we chat about May, I’d like to welcome our new community members for this month! Hello and welcome to YodaCera, Allison, Tangelo, and Luanne! Thank you all so much for being here! Feel free to introduce yourself and your art in the Community tab or in the comments, and head over to the Community tab to get to know your fellow patrons if you like!

Now time for me to tell you all about this month!

When I'm stressed I write encouraging messages to myself in my journal, and draw myself and the view around me in the moment. It's very grounding.

FEELINGS

First of all, last month was a strange and stressful month, seemingly for no reason. I still can’t fully explain why I was a ball of anxious unhappiness last month, because it was likely some unexplainable amalgamation of a year of quarantine, uncertainty about the future, pressure from social media, pressure from myself, lack of structure and feedback, reading the news a lot... Isn’t that how feelings usually go, a big pile of mysterious causes and effects? 

But I’m happy to say I’m feeling much much better this month. Better, more hopeful and positive, calmer, and more patient with myself and my creativity. 

I think being able to share with you all last month helped a lot with that. One patron, Jennifer, kindly said there’s probably a lot of pressure doing art as a full-time job. And I think that‘s true, it definitely feels like there’s a big pressure for artists to ALWAYS be making new products, ALWAYS be making new art, ALWAYS be sharing new content. I add on my own pressure, the pressure to only put something out if it’s EXCELLENT or groundbreaking or unique, which is ridiculous. When I have an idea, I stop myself by saying, “you can’t draw that, you’ve already drawn something like that! Or someone else has already done something vaguely similar to that and you must be UNIQUE! You must do something so amazing that everyone will say you’re the most amazing artist who has ever existed!!! The new Van Gogh! The new Frida Kahlo! If Netflix isn’t coming to you asking you to helm their new animated TV show then what’s even the point?!” 

Dude what brain? Obviously I need to get out of my own head. Get out of my head and get drawing. Just drawing vegetables and silly cats is cool too, I don’t need to revolutionize art or win the Coolest Most Unique Person award. Why brain gotta do this?

I also think there’s also a pressure or... tendency for illustrators to present as positive and productive on the internet, and that weighs on me when I’m not feeling that way. Like if we don’t feel that way then we aren’t grateful for our profession, or are failing in some way, or it isn’t “aesthetic” or ”aspirational” so we shouldn’t share it. I think that’s frustrating and misleading. Illustration is a job, and your job doesn’t have to be fun, great, aesthetic, and exciting all the time to be a good, successful job.

You might see a common thread in my feelings of pressure: social media and the internet. The biggest factor that has me feeling better this month is I’m taking a much bigger step back from Instagram. I could talk your ear off even more about why if you want, and maybe I will later, but I’m trying really hard to only log on when I have something immediate and pressing to say. Making art again has to be my priority, and with less influence from social media.

So spending MUCH less time on social media is helping already. Thank you guys so much for your kind words and understanding last month, it really helps to be able to share these feelings with you all. The ups and the downs are real.

A few samples of the book process so far: top left is first rough draft, bottom left is revised rough, right is final art before any revisions.

BOOK ILLUSTRATION

Ho ho ho the book that I started working on more than a year ago continues to develop! My original schedule said I should be done illustrating by now, but a variety of production factors have stretched the final deadline way out. After a big revision of the color palette, I am now officially doing the final art. The finals are now due around September, the cover process will begin in January of 2022, and the book will be released in 2023 (If I remember correctly.)

Before we extended the deadline, I was supposed to turn in finals in early July. I’m really glad we could get that extended, because even with the new deadline I’m doing 2 final pages a day, 4 days a week. And it’s still a pretty quick speed. For the easier pages I’m trying to work ahead so I have more flexibility on more difficult ones. Honestly I don’t know how I thought I could make that earlier deadline! 

My two pages of sketches from the Patron movie night!

PATRON MOVIE NIGHT

I had a super fun time hanging out with a few of you on the Discord for a movie night! I thought this would be a good time to share the sketches that I did while watching The Mitchells vs. The Machines and Howl's Moving Castle. Drawing while watching was a great exercise in drawing (and observing) quickly, as of course characters and scenes move around a lot. It's kind of like gesture drawing in that regard! And for a generally slow worker like me a practice like this felt great!

Thanks to everyone who was able to join! Let me know if you'd like more of this kind of event, or if you have any suggestions/requests for other online events!

My illustrations for the PIGSquad Drink n' Draw for Saturday, fan art for two indie games.

PIGSQUAD DRINK N' DRAW

My friends at the Portland Indie Game Squad (PIGSquad) are having another awesome online event and asked if I could contribute some time and art. They're having a Discord Drink n' Draw where they'll stream a collection of indie games and invite participants to draw from them. Attached above are my two drawings inspired by Chadwick and the Southern Scourge (a Dungeons & Dragons module with awesome illustrations) and Trash the Planet (a resource management game).

My real-time process videos will be shared while they stream those games on Saturday May 29th 4-9PM PST. I unfortunately have prior commitments that night but I highly recommend joining, the PIGSquad folks are SO NICE and welcoming and fun. Click here for more info on the event! 

The view of my farm as of today, May 2021!

NON-ART LIFE

• I GOT MY SECOND VACCINE TWO WEEKS AGO AND AS OF TODAY I AM FULLY VAXXED MY DUDES!!!!
• If anyone is curious I got the Pfizer Vaccine, and both Zach and I had head and body aches the day after, and were totally fine the day after that. So worth it though, please get vaccinated.
• I have been re-playing Stardew Valley whenever I feel the urge to doomscroll, and my happiness levels have improved 354%. The Ginger Island update is so cool, I'm trying to 100% romance every single person in the town and only have Maru left, and I'm turning my farm slowly into a winery.
• My IRL Farm (on my apartment balcony) continues to be my long abiding love and joy and pride, and is starting to Grow Real Good!! I just typed up an in depth report of every one of my crops and their progress, but this is an art blog not a garden blog. I'll just say most of them are doing great, I've harvested a few things, and every single day I go and stare at them and check their progress one by one and it soothes me deep to my core. :)

So things are looking up. I'm feeling up. I'll get to see my friends again in person starting tomorrow. Routine is returning. Possibilities are returning. Hope is returning.

A rainbow as seen from my balcony on a rainy day.

How have you been? How have you been feeling? I hope it's good and hopeful and refreshed. Are you making any plans for post-vaccine life? I need inspiration for the possibilities. 

I'll be back in a few weeks with June's article. We'll do the runner up from the poll: Get to Know My Favorite Artists! The artists whose work most directly inspires and influences me at the moment, or who I want to look to for inspiration for my development. Let me know in the comments if you have any questions for that article!

Thanks for being here and being you. Have a great week, bud!