April in Ragonia (2021) - Feelings Alert!

Hello Patrons and friends, and a very happy Friday to you! I'm writing to you on a classic Seattle spring day, raining this morning, sun and clouds rolling by in turns, and low 60s. I have no fun playlist rocking today because I am trying to FOCUS. And I'm coming at you with quite a bit less energy than I normally do, and I'll tell you why after...

After we say welcome to our new patrons for the month of April! Hello and welcome to Hannah, Nene, Jessica, Daniela, Nellie, Taylow, Clarissa, Renee, Stine, Vee, Antonija, Jamie, Paula, Magdalena, Matthew, Jordan, and Qristy! I am genuinely so happy that you're here, and hope that you enjoy the community and content here. Feel free to introduce yourself and let me know anytime if there's any way I can make the Patreon more awesome.

I also want to remind everyone that this month I switched my payment structure to Charge Up Front, so any new patrons are charged once upon sign up, and then at the beginning of each month after that. This both helps the Patreon continue to be a viable platform for me, and allows all Patrons the possibility of paying a discounted yearly rate if they want! If you plan on being a patron for at least a year, you can take advantage of the yearly discount any time you like! More on the new payment structure here.  

Awesome! Be prepared for some Feelings. Let's check out what happened in April:

? ? ? ART ? ? BLOCK ? ? ? 

By all accounts, April should have been an amazing art month.

I made time for myself for personal art. I said no to other projects. My new apartment and studio is amazing, sunny, inspiring. Spring has brought warmth, long sunny days, flowers, and my beloved new balcony garden. I did a lot of thinking and reflecting on what I wanted to make and why. I had lists of the exact concepts and products. Plans. Goals. Ideas. I'm safe, comfortable, healthy. My family, friends, and cat are safe, comfortable, and healthy. 

I have absolutely no reason to feel anything but inspired and motivated and optimistic and grateful. And I am some days, some quick moments.

But I'm also experiencing, for some indecipherable reason, what I can only describe as intense art block.

I sit down to draw and I feel like crying. I look at my products and want to throw them all away. I see other artists just making art, I remember the recent times in my life when I could just make art, and wish I could do that again too. And I hate that I feel like I can't. I feel paralyzed, and it makes no logical sense and I don't know the source or end. Art's always been fun to me, and now it's not fun. It's painful. And I hate that too.

I know theories about overcoming art block, but often they're contradictory. Take a break. Don't take a break, push through. Get offline. Get online and get inspired. So I feel paralyzed by the theories, too. Creative Pep Talk, artists vlogs, looking at art I like, all just makes me feel more ashamed about myself.

One thing I did achieve is taking this frustration and trying to draw it. It felt like it released some of the shame and anger by drawing it out. Drawing it, I got the most energy I've gotten in a while by animating it into a little gif. (You may need to open this in your browser to play it.) I was excited to work on it in the morning, and I've been missing that feeling.

In my life, I have a history of starting something new and getting SUPER excited about it, going absolutely all in to be good at it, trying my best and having a great time. The first year is great, and then the excitement and natural skill starts to wane. In another year or two, I give up and move on to something new. Ballet, violin, acting, architecture, swing dancing, cooking... The same pattern.

But I really, really don't want to do that with art. I want to keep doing this, and enjoy it. I want to feel unstuck. Stop overthinking. Actually follow through on my ideas again.

It'll be okay. It won't last forever, I know that. Maybe it's just a bad year for making art for some people. Maybe it's, you know, everything.

Anyway, that's my brain this month. (And on and off this year, or maybe the last two years.) It's okay. It's okay.

APPAREL!

I'm being a little hard on myself, I did do some things this month, however much it felt like pulling teeth. 

Woof I can feel the anxiety rising just typing about this but... I want to make more apparel, and new products and patterns and whatnot. I've said that. I did mostly finish at least one of these patterns, a fruit and veggie pattern that I think is looking pretty cute. I aim to sell them through a Print-on-Demand site so it can be closer to a passive income.

I also illustrated what I think is this super fun Dungeon Master design for what I'm envisioning as a Dungeons & Dragons product collection. I want to take D&D, fantasy, and other nerdy themes and put them in a blender with a funky silly colorful art style to make what I hope are pretty unique products in that niche.

AH my friends, sharing about this stresses me out so much. I think it's because... I've already disappointed myself and I'm afraid of talking about it because then I'll disappoint you, too.

But I think I set my goals too high. I literally told myself to make a whole line of new products and art in one month. Calm down there, cowboy.

Anyway guys, that's the vision! That's the plan! New merch: coming out, someday!

PIGSQUAD Talent Talk!

Another achievement! I was asked by my friends at the Portland Indie Game Squad to do another talk for their Talent Talks livestreamed event this month, and I presented all about How to Table at Events. And I had a truly lovely time joining the chat for the event, I've been really missing that feeling of community. 

Just like my first talk, this was based on an Arty Business article written for this Patreon! I'll share an individual post here when the video is up on their Youtube, but for now you can check out last year's talk I did on How to Find Your Style!

No more BUMMERS, GOOD THINGS HAPPENED TOO:

• I said this but WE GOT OUR FIRST VACCINATION!
• LUCY & YAK licensed one of my pieces for a future shirt! I'll let you know when it's out!
• I'll be doing the final illustrations for the book for the next two months! In the next three months the book will be FINISHED! A deadline, I love it!
• I made a TikTok! Wow! Follow me, @ragonia_ just like my Instagram!
• My FARM (balcony garden plants) are growing! That feels good!
• I went HIKING for the first time in a a year+! That felt great!
• I did my TAXES and wrote on PATREON and mailed my ORDERS! Things!

So that was April! Complicated for no reason.

I really appreciate this Patreon for being a space I can check in once a month, be honest, and reflect. I appreciate you for giving me this space. If there's anything to be learned about arty business or self-employment from this update, it's that not every month is productive arty awesomeness. It's okay. And sometimes what feels like a terribly unproductive month has some gems of movement when you look back. Let's look for overall progress over draining rushed burn out.

I hope you had a lovely April, and are looking forward to a lovely May. If you have something exciting you did, or are planning to do, please share in the comments, I'd love to hear!

I hope you are feeling healthy, happy and creative. And if you aren't, I hope you have patience and kindness for yourself.

Thanks buddies.