"Daily" Update: That Time I Forgot How to Write

Man, this story has been one hell of a doozy to begin work on.

First, some context. It's been a while since you guys have heard pretty much anything from us outside of the GoFundMe campaign, which is mostly because that's where we've been tied up. It's been an a life-changing experience for us, but it's also been a big grind. Thankfully, it's starting to wind down. We only have a little effort left to put in before we get to wait 'till the end of February, close the campaign, and start helping my mom build a financial safety net for the coming year. Before that, we were working on the new lifetime rewards for Patreon, which made the production extra slow.

Now it looks like our schedule is opening just the teeniest bit and we can make start to chip away at the iceberg of content we've laid out for the coming months. We've been working every day, but it's been slow, slow going, and with all the headaches that came from this holiday season, my brain hasn't quite been fit for creative thinking. Thus begins the quick story of how I burned out and wasted nearly a week on a rough draft of the H.P. Lovecraft short story.

That Time I Forgot How To Write

I am not a seat-my-pants writer. I can't just throw words onto the page like some kind of libriomancer. I require time and artifice, and miles of text on pages laying out my designs. This is my way.

Going into the new short story, I completely forgot about that.

For the first time in a while, I'm writing a story set in the real world. This time it's in 1800s Europe, which I've never visited and have virtually zero familiarity with on any level. Intimidated, I began my work by scoping out all the information I'd need and committing much of it to memory and to paper. This is part of my note-taking process, which precedes my outlining process, and is all fairly standard.

But for some reason, this time I got trapped. Perhaps it's the weeks I've spent organizing things behind the scenes rather than exercising my creative muscles. Maybe it's the sheer intimidation factor of "historical, georgraphical, and cultural accuracy" that diverted me. Whatever the cause, I just picked and picked at all these minute details forever, never realizing that nobody would ever care whether I got the physical description of the inside of a German sleeper car in the 1880s right.

I lost maybe three days to this fevered, pedantic housekeeping. And then, finally, I began to write.

The words did not flow naturally. I passed sixteen hours over the course of two days finishing four paragraphs, detailing an irrelevant exchange between the protagonist and an attendant on a train because I thought it would "illustrate the period, setting, and circumstances of this character!!!" 

It did no such thing. I ended the second day of this feeling stonewalled and defeated. I felt I'd forgotten how to write altogether.

Lucky for my, Chloe is an amazing partner (in both senses of the word) and gave me a much-needed slap in the psyche. She reminded me that there has been a point after my mad research where she'd said "okay! Now it's time for outlining" and I'd responded with something like "Naaah, I think this is a fairly straightforward story. I have all the minute details I need worked out in the research notes. I'll just wing it and be done in a few days."

Fast forward to now. I'm sitting here typing this after having finally broken down and written a proper outline (a process I'll probably be sharing with you guys in the future), and feeling like there's an actual story to write now. There were so many details I hadn't worked out in my head—so many places where I knew what to write but hadn't determined how to write them—that having this outline before me now, I can't help but feel like the villain who ignores the counsel of his trusted advisor right before the hero hornswoggles him.

In short, my brain's been fried and I forgot what works for me as a writer. I'll be back in business soon now that I have a functional outline but... man this has been a rough process.

Thanks so much for being patient with me. I love you guys, and at this point I can pretty much guarantee that this story's gonna be a really wild trip.


—Benji